“It is what I want.” She presses a soft kiss to my chest, intertwining her legs with mine until we couldn’t be more closely knit together if we tried. “I’m the one who wanted to keep this between us, I want to be the one to tell them. I don’t want them to blame you for keeping a secret.”
“Okay,” I say, squeezing her gently. “Whatever you want, darlin’.” I stroke her arms gently until her breathing turns even and I know she’s fallen asleep in my arms.
As if I could ever deny her anything.
I fall asleep with a grin on my face, heart full to bursting. This is my girl, and now everyone gets to know it.
Chapter 45
Ellie
August, Age 20
“Ineed to tell you guys something.”
Abby and Jack are sitting across from me at the diner, currently locked in a heated discussion about why Aaron can not, in fact, miss his anniversary dinner with Abby to go to a Rangers game with Jack.
“Jack, Abby–I need to tell you guys something,” I repeat loudly. They stop mid-sentence, looking at me in surprise.
“Geez Louise Ellie, do you need to tell the whole diner or just us? I think they could hear you on the other side of the county,” Abby says.
“Sorry,” I say in a softer tone. “But I do. Need to tell you something.”
“We’re all ears,” Jack says, brows creasing. “Everything okay?”
“I think so.” My eyes are locked on the spot where I’m twisting my napkin nervously in my hands. Without making eye contact, I manage to quickly breathe out, “Griffinand I have been seeing each other again. All summer, actually. And I asked him to keep it just between us, because I was worried that everyone is still mad at me for how I left things and would tell him to run for the hills. But I wanted to tell you.” I look up, my heart stuttering at their bewildered faces. “So, um, this is me telling you,” I finish lamely.
They look at each other, then back to me. “I fucking knew something was going on,” Abby yells, looking back at Jack. “How did we miss this?”
“You rat bastards,” Jack says, but I can only see joy on his face. There’s no hint of anger or accusation in either of their voices, and I might cry with relief. “Why didn’t you say anything? Everyone wants this. You two belong together. It’s about damn time.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” I say. “I was just scared. I don’t even know if I know what I was scared of.”
“I feel like you’re scared a lot these days, Ellie Bellie.” For the first time in this conversation, concern flashes across Abby’s face. “Is something going on? Have you considered talking to someone about it?”
“I don’t know,” I shrug. “I think life is just more overwhelming as we grow up. It’s not a big deal, I’ll figure it out.” I pause for a moment. “But there is another thing I need to tell you. Something I haven’t told Griffin yet.”
“Okay,” Jack says slowly, a leery look on his face. “What is it?”
“I got an internship in Boston.” Silence. “I leave in a few weeks.” More silence. This time, Jack and Abby stare at each other for a lot longer, and I shift uncomfortably in my seat as whatever silent conversation they have going on seems to bring anger to the surface that wasn’t there a few minutes ago.
“What do you mean you haven’t told him?” I’ve known Abby long enough to know that she’s trying, and failing, to stay cool. “You know that’s bad. Like, really bad.”
“I know,” I whisper, feeling about two feet tall. “I know it is.”
“What exactly are you planning to do about it?” I recoil at the sharpness in Jack’s voice–I don’t think he’s ever talked to me like that. “I swear to God, Ellie, you can’t do this to him again. You can’t just leave.”
“I don’t want to,” I plead. “I don’t want to just leave, I don’t want to hurt him again. But I don’t know what to do, things are exactly the same as last time. He doesn’t want to go, and I can’t stay.”
“Like hell it is,” Jack bites out. “Like hell things are the same. They’re not the same Ellie, because this time you know better. You know exactly what this will do to him. You know what it will do toyou.”
My face flushes, a vortex of conflicting emotions beginning to rise up. I know it’s completely unfair that just last night I was all but begging him not to leave me–knowing full well that I’m leaving him. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“You know what, that’s the problem,” he says, standing abruptly. “I don’t believe you. I think youdoknow, and I think you’re going to do it anyway. It’s not enough to just say that you don’t want to do it. You need to actuallynotdo it.” His hands clench at his side, the tick in his jaw betraying the anger he’s trying to keep at bay. “I don’t know if I could forgive you if you do this again. I can forgive the girl who was eighteen and scared. But I won’t feel sorry for the girl who’s twenty and selfish. Selfish and cruel.” He turns to leave, but stops to look over his shoulder at me. “Do not do this, Ellie Turner.” He walks away, letting the door slam behind him on his way out.
Abby stares at me from across the booth, arms folded in front of her.
“Abby,” I begin before she raises her hand to cut me off.
