I lift my mouth up to his, closing the remaining gap between us. His lips are soft, gentle, and he tastes like some sort of spice–maybe cinnamon? I don’t have time to pinpoint it exactly, because the hand on my shoulder moves to the back of my neck, his other hand coming up to my jaw, tilting my head back and deepening the kiss.
My hand slides up to his collar, dragging him as close as I can get, the kiss turning from sweet to hungry, and the bed might go up in flames if this gets any hotter. In my entire relationship with Bennett, I never felt like this–like if he stopped kissing me the world would end.
Breaking apart, he presses his forehead to mine, our breathing both heavy and shaky at the same time. He pulls back to look at me again, tucking my hair behind my ear, a dazed look in his eyes.
“I’ve wanted to do that ever since I met you, darlin’,” he says in a hoarse whisper. “I’ve dreamt it a thousand times. None of those dreams even came close.” He presses another soft kiss on my mouth, and pulls me to his chest, holding me tightly like he’s worried I might float away.
He hums contentedly, his thumb rubbing circles on my arm as I lay on his chest, the wild thundering of his heart grounding me in the comfort of his arms.
As we lay intertwined in his bed, with the white noise of the movie playing in the background, the butterflies in my stomach drown in waves of anxiety. My thoughts are reeling–we’ve crossed a line there’s no coming back from. We’ve danced around this for years, and now that it’s finally happened, I’m panicking.
Maybe this is real. Maybe this is the right person at therighttime. I want it so bad it hurts, but my mind is replaying the day I found out about the bet like a scene from a horror movie, and fear overrides happiness before I can stop it.
Clearing my throat, I try to pull away nonchalantly, fighting the urge to run out of his room, his house, this town, and never look back. I would rather deal with thewhat ifsthan set myself up for that kind of hurt again.
Oh my God. What if this is another stupid bet?
“It’s getting kind of late,” I say tensely, trying to keep the panic from my voice. “I should probably go home.”
A small crease between his brow appears, and I can tell he’s trying to figure out what just happened.
“Are you okay, darlin’?”
“Yeah,” I say, sounding overly cheery. “Everything is totally fine, I’m just feeling tired.”
“Was that too much?” he asks, his frown deepening in concern. “Did I read that wrong? I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“I’m not uncomfortable! It was great, really. Exactly what I needed.”
“What do you mean by that?”
I can hear the worry in his voice, but it doesn’t stop me from saying the absolute worst thing I can think of.
“It was a perfect distraction, thank you for helping me get my mind off of things.”
I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth, my stomach dropping when I see the hurt flash across his face.
He recovers quickly, raking his hands through his hair and replacing his frown with a grin–one thatdoesn’treach his eyes this time.
“Anytime, Eleanor,” he says casually, his voice still a little hoarse. “Glad I could help.”
He follows me as I rush downstairs to gather my things, in such a hurry that my shoes end up on the wrong feet.
I should take it back. I should apologize, tell him I didn’t mean it, plead with him to kiss me that way forever. I should tell him that I’ve felt lighter in the last few hoursthan I have in the last two years, that I don’t ever want to lose him again.
Instead, I wrench the door open and whisper, “Goodnight, Griffin.” I sneak a final look at him and immediately wish I hadn’t. His composure has slipped, a tortured look now spreading on his face as he begins to say something.
I close the door and half run to my car, before I can give in to the urge to turn around and beg him to say something that might make me change my mind.
Chapter 24
Griffin
November, Age 18
My gut has been in knots since Eleanor all but sprinted out of my door last week. I really thought this was going to be it for us, that I had finally gotten it together enough to deserve her.
Not to mention that was the most mind blowing kiss in my entire life.
