I’ve been on some dates here and there, mostly to distract myself from the way I want Eleanor every second of every day. All I’m saying is I’m no kissing virgin, that’s for sure.
But honestly, I might as well have been, considering the way that kissing Eleanor was otherworldly. College is going to be wasted on me–I think I’ll skip the partying phase entirely, because no high is ever going to feel as good as having Eleanor wrapped in my arms, her mouth on mine.
Which is why her words cut so deep.“It was a perfect distraction.”I’ve never hated a string of words more.
It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed it. I knew that she was emotional, vulnerable, lonely. But God, I can’t help the way I’m drawn to her. It’s like there’s some force of nature connecting us, and when she was in my arms,thatclose to me, I didn’t have a choice. Crossing that chasm that’s been between us for so long was literally the only option.
I wanted so badly to show how I’ve made a real effort to grow up–not just for her, but for me. I don’t want to be the dumbass that makes careless decisions and hurts people for the rest of my life. I want to be the type of man people call when they need someone.
I want to be Eleanor’s someone.
For a second there, I really thought I did it. When she laid her head on my shoulder unprompted, I was so convinced that she saw the new Griffin–and that maybe she might want him just as bad as he wants her.
But then I saw the panic in her eyes, and she bolted before I could do anything. I don’t know what I would have said to get her to believe me, to trust me, to stay, but it doesn’t matter anyway. I didn’t get the chance. And now that the moment has passed, I’m scared to death that she’s going to go back to keeping me at arm’s length.
I can’t blame her for being scared. I know I fucked up astronomically. But there’s also a voice in the back of mymind telling me that she’s not scared–she just meant what she said. I was a distraction. Something to get her mind off of her boyfriend, a warm body to fill the void until her real friends were available again.
How many people did she reach out to before texting me? Was I a last resort?
The thought is like a kick to the teeth. But the one that follows is even worse.
Was this revenge? Is she getting back at me? Trying to hurt me the way I hurt her?
My stomach lurches, and I shove that thought down as deep as it will go. There’s no way. We may not be friends anymore, but she can’t have changed that much. She’s everything good and warm and kind in this world, she wouldn’t do that to anyone, even me.
Would she?
“Bro, earth to Griffin,” David says, snapping his fingers in front of my face.
The guys are here, and I’ve been trying all night to work up the courage to tell them what happened. I don’t want them to give me any grief for it. Even more so, I don’t want them to get excited. If they get hopeful, I’m going to get hopeful, and I already have a gut feeling that something is about to go awry.
“Sorry,” I mumble. “Listen, I gotta talk to you guys.”
David and Jack share a knowing look, and then turn pointedly to face me, completely in sync as they fold their hands in their laps, smirks on their faces as they dramatically give me their full attention.
Rolling my eyes, I bite out, “Don’t mess with me guys, I’m really trying to share something here.”
This time the look they share is alarmed, and they unwind into more relaxed stances, giving me their genuine attention.
“So, I talked to Eleanor.”
They both suck in a sharp breath.
“How did that go?” Jack asks tentatively.
“Good or bad?” David looks nervous. We buried the hatchet a long time ago, but he still gets a guilty look on his face any time she gets brought up.
“That’s the problem,” I say, scraping my hand down my face. “I have no idea. She kind of gave me mixed signals.”
Neither of them say anything, they just raise their eyebrows and gesture for me to continue. I unload everything–seeing her in the parking lot, the birthday texting, having her in my room.
When I tell them how Bennett ruined her birthday, Jack looks murderous, and David jumps to his feet. “I swear to God, I’ll go kick his ass right now.” Jack grabs his arm and yanks him back down to the couch, shushing him andnodding at me to continue. When I get to the kiss, David whoops loudly, and even Jack cracks a smile. “About damn time,” Jack says, sounding uncharacteristically emotional.
My heart physically hurts when I see how excited the guys are, because I know what comes next. The mood is instantly killed when I tell them what she said.
“Damn dude, that’s cold,” David says, shaking his head in disbelief.
“You know she didn’t mean it,” Jack says quietly. “She’s scared.”
