“Yeah, I considered that. But what if she did mean it?”
Saying it out loud makes it actually feel real. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that none of it was real. If I hadn’t read back through our messages a dozen times, I might believe that I actually dreamed it.
“Nah dude, Ellie wouldn’t do you like that,” David says. “She’s an angel.”
Shaking my head slowly, I finally admit what’s been going through my head the past few days.
“I think I need to let it go.”
Their eyes go wide with shock, their mouths opening to argue, but I cut them off. “That was our moment, and she obviously didn’t want it. If the only way I can have her in my life is as a friend, I can live with that.”
Every word that comes out is a struggle. I don’t mean any of it, not really. The thought of having her around withoutreallyhaving her is unbearable. But she seemed so alone, and if I can patch things up so we can be “Ellie & The Dudes” again, I’ll fall on that sword.
“We can just go back to Friday nights,” I say with a finality that makes them both shut their mouths. “She’ll move on, I’ll move on, we’ll all be friends and be happy.”
David lets out an exasperated sigh, but doesn’t argue. Jack stares me down, a muscle twitching where he has his jaw clenched. I can tell he doesn’t want to let this go, but he nods curtly, and I’m grateful that he doesn’t make me talk about it more.
David: Ellie, my girl, light of my life. I heard you and Griffin talked.
David: Can we get the band back together? :(
Jack: What he means to say is that we miss you, and would you please come over on Friday?
It’s surreal to see that the last text in this group chat was two years ago.
We all stare at our phones silently, fingers metaphorically crossed that she’ll reply.
Eleanor: I’ll see if I can make room in my schedule.
Eleanor: But not for you David, mostly for Jack. Then for Griffin. Then MAYBE for you. If you’re good.
David: So you’re saying there’s a chance ;)
Eleanor: Just checked my calendar, looks like there’s a perfect opening to “get the band back together”
Eleanor: I miss you guys, too.
Jack: See you then. Pick you up like normal?
Eleanor: Sounds perfect. <3
I exhale a rush of air–I have no idea how long I’ve been holding my breath, but I feel like I can fill my lungs to capacity for the first time in a long time.
“So, what are you going to do now?” Jack asks. “If you’re so resigned to just being ‘friends’ with Ellie.” He does air quotations around the word friends, and I can tell he doesn’t believe me.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I’ll figure something out.”
“OH! I got it,” David exclaims excitedly. “You should ask Katie out. She obviously has a thing for you, she’s a shoo-in if you want to dip your toes back into the dating pool.”
Katie is in the grade below us, but we’ve had a few elective classes together. She’s on the soccer team, a soft-spoken girl with short dark hair, brown eyes and sharpfeatures. She’s a stark contrast to Eleanor’s soft features and sharp tongue.
Maybe that’s what I need–something completely different.
I resolve to ask her out, trying to assure the guys that I’m a lot more confident about this than I actually am. I don’t want to move on. I don’t ever want to stop fighting for Eleanor. I don’t know how in the hell I’m going to be content going back to the way things were after she went and ruined all other girls for me with her perfect lips, and the way her body molded to mine like we were hand crafted for each other.
But I also have too much pride to just be a distraction for her. Being something casual to her is way worse than just being friends.
There’s only so much a guy can take.
