Not a chance in hell.
“What am I supposed to do now?” I ask, hating the desperation in my voice.
“Can you do late enrollment at Tech? Tell them you had a family emergency or something,” David suggests. “Come to Lubbock with me, get the fuck out of here.”
The irony is so ridiculous that I’d laugh if I wasn’t so Goddamn sick to my stomach. She’s leaving me becauseshe can’t stay in Larkspur. But I can’t stay in Larkspur now that everything will just remind me of her.
What was the fucking point of any of this?
“Yeah, okay, I’ll look into it.”
Jack opens his mouth like he might say something, but closes it without a word. What could he even say at this point?
“I don’t know what to do without her, Jack.”
“I don’t either, Griffin. I guess we figure it out.”
Two weeks later, my things are packed in next to David’s in the bed of my truck as we head out west. By some miracle they let me squeeze in on the last day of the late registration window, even if it did cost a chunk of change to do it. Looking in the rearview one last time, I decide it was worth every penny. I don’t know if there’s anything for me in Lubbock, but there’s sure as hell not anything left for me here.
Chapter 37
Ellie
November, Age 28
“Hey, look who’s back!” David cheers, holding his drink up to me as I storm toward the table. His eyes widen, arm sinking back down when he gets a good look at my face. “Wait, are you okay?”
Leaning in close to her ear, I plead, “Abby, we need to go now.” Without hesitation, she grabs both our bags from the hooks under the table and slides out of the booth.
“What happened?” Jack asks, but when his eyes meet mine I know I don’t need to tell him. There’s only one person who gets me worked up like this.
Yeah, yourself. Don’t act like this is his fault.
Extremely unwilling to deal with that self-reflection right now, I spit out, “Go ask Griffin. I’m sure he’ll tell you all about how I wasted his life.” Both boys jump up, reaching out for me to stay and explain, and I struggle to wrench my arm from Jack’s grasp. “Let me go, Jack.”
“Ellie, please–”
“No.” My voice is shrill and unfamiliar in my own ears. “I need to get out of this bar, I need to get out of this town, I need to get out of thislife. I never should have come back to this stupid town and its stupid people in the first place.”
He releases his grip on my arm, the flicker of hurt in his eyes sobering me up quicker than a bucket of ice water over the head.
“Jack, you know I didn’t mean you. I shouldn’t have said that.”
There’s a lot I shouldn’t have said tonight.
“Go home, Ellie Bellie,” he murmurs into my ear, patting me on the shoulder as he passes behind me and heads toward the back door. “Sleep it off.”
“Jack, I–”
“I know, Ellie. It’s okay. Go home.”
I stand frozen in place as I watch them weave through the crowd. Abby tugs gently on my arm, leading me out of the chaos to the front parking lot. I wrap my arms around myself and close my eyes, shivering while I try to adjust to the frigid November air from the heat of the crowded bar.
Aaron pulls up in front of us, and I clamber into the backseat in complete silence. He briefly glances over his shoulder at me, then turns his attention to where Abby is buckling her seatbelt.
“Don’t,” she whispers, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “Just take us home.”
I let my forehead thud against the cold window, staring at the streetlights on the drive home without really seeing them. Regret is already settling in–except, can something really settle in if it’s had a permanent spot in my psyche for ten years?
