“Apparently so,” she says. “So why did you act up in the meeting?”
“Pardon?”
“Does your apology about calling me a nightmare include an explanation or is it just to cover your arse in case I report you to HR.”
“You’re going to report me?” I can’t stop my eyes from widening.
“Wasn’t planning on it.” She shrugs. “But I could. Especially for playing me and Faith off against each other.”
“You and Faith? Wait… what?” It’s my turn to frown and it’s all from confusion as I try to recall what I said in the meeting.
“Trying to replace one woman of colour with another?” She offers as a prompt.
A wave of prickly heat rushes through me, from head to toe, and it leaves me feeling very, very cold once it passes. I did say something along those lines. Oh, Jesus, was that… was I being racist?
“God, I’m so sorry,” I rush out. “I did say something like that and I know I didn’t mean it at the time but I can see how it looks and well, I shouldn’t have said it and that was foolish and clumsy and, shit, I’m really sorry, Mina.”
She blinks at me and is silent for a few moments. “Well, thanks. For the apology, I mean,” she says eventually.
I put my hand not holding my beer in my hair and rub at my scalp, still feeling a little uncomfortable in my own body.
“Jesus, I knew I was being a dick in the meeting – I’ve had some shit happen in my personal life recently – but I didn’t realise I was being a racist dick.”
Mina narrows her eyes at me. “I don’t think you were being intentionally dickish, or racist.”
“I was just so obsessed with getting the lead on the pitch. I kind of need the focus, you see,” I blunder on, “I kind of want a reason to work overtime even.”
Another slow blink. “Why?”
“Oh, I don’t want to make excuses for my behaviour. That would cheapen my apology.”
“No, I’m interested. You said you’ve had some shit happen in your personal life. Unfortunately, I can relate to that.” She sighs, and her shoulders rise and fall with it.
“Oh, really?” I relax with the change of conversation even if it’s one that means discussing the end of my longest relationship to date. “I’ll tell you my woes if you tell me yours?”
“Go on then,” she says but I’m not sure if she’s agreeing to my suggestion or prompting me to tell her all.
“I split up with my boyfriend,” I explain.
“I split up with my girlfriend,” she blurts out at exactly the same moment.
“Snap!” I say with possibly a little too much unwarranted excitement.
“Yeah, we win.” She lifts her beer to me but her voice is anything but celebratory.
“Did she break it off? Or was it mutual?” I ask.
“I ended it.” Mina stares straight ahead at her computer screen. “It wasn’t going anywhere. We weren’t getting on and were spending more and more time apart. I just, I don’t know, I thought I fell out of love with her, but now I don’t know if I was ever really in love with her.”
“Sounds familiar. Markus and I started off as friends and about five years ago we just sort of evolved into this relationship that was super easy and simple but not necessarily all sparks and butterflies. I liked having him around, but I haven’t really missed him since he moved out, you know? Rather I just miss having someone. Someone I guess I am actually in love with, if that makes sense.”
“Oh, Charlie, you really are as soft as you look.” Mina gives me a wry smile. I pout and put one hand on my hip as if to protest but I realise quickly that only proves her point.
“I don’t think it’s soft or bad to want to fall in love, I think it’s human,” I say instead and the copywriter in me is impressed with the phrasing.
Mina doesn’t look anywhere near as impressed. “You know that’s not technically true. There are many aromantic people in this world and other people who are perfectly content and complete without needing to fall in love.”
“Are you one of them?” I ask because I’m genuinely intrigued, but once the question leaves my mouth I wonder if it’s a bit too personal. I’m about to apologise and take it back, but to my surprise, Mina answers me.
