My head snaps up to look at her again. “You were?”
“Oh, yeah. I was fucking stupid yesterday. A prize-winning idiot. A total cuntface wanker.”
“I wouldn’t go that far—” I offer her a reassuring smile.
“Well, I thought I wouldn’t get a migraine after having shit sleep for a week and not hydrating enough after an off-the-charts sex marathon. And when I was due on my period.”
My cheeks hurt from the grin my face stretches into. “Off the charts, hey?”
“Don’t be cocky and ruin the moment.” She pops an eyebrow and her familiar scrutinising look brings me more joy than I can quantify.
“Right, yes, sorry.”
“Charlie, I thought I was doing the right thing by not seeing us as more than a few weekends of fun.” She holds a hand up as I open my mouth to protest, but I press my lips closed so Mina can continue. “Part of me still thinks that’s the right thing to do, but I can’t ignore the other part of me any longer. This part of me that wants to know what it would be like to believe you. This part of me thatwantsto believe you.”
“You should believe me, Mina.”
“But don’t you understand how that’s hard for me? I mean, look at me, Charlie. I can’t get out of bed. I’ve not showered since that shower we took together, and I hate to think what a mess I’ve made of my bathroom. I was vomiting in there in the pitch black for the first half of this morning.”
“Mina, I don’t care… I’ll go clean it up for you now, if you want,” I tell her, a little insulted that she thinks a bit of vomit is going to put me off.
“God, no. Please don’t do that!” Her voice is a little louder.
“But why not?” I put my hands on my hips. “If this is going to work, then you need to let go of your control a bit,” I say it gently but still I’m worried I’ve said the wrong thing.
Mina sighs and it sinks her whole body. “I know. I know I have to give up some control. I couldn’t do it with Hannah and well, you know how that ended. But you, Charlie… you’re different.”
“Well, yes, I have testicles,” I joke.
“No, I mean, how I feel about you… is different.”
“Go on,” I say, not even bothering to try containing my smile.
“Could you lie down on the bed next to me? It feels a bit weird talking to you about this while you’re standing up.”
I do my very best not to jump on the bed next to her, but regardless, the bed bounces underneath me as I land next to Mina who rolls onto her side to face me. She studies me for a few moments before she speaks, her eyes searching and curious, as if she can’t quite believe I’m here. I want to reach out and grip her arm, stroke her face, kiss her forehead, do something to tell her I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. But I don’t. Instead, I lie still and I listen to her talk.
“My attraction to Hannah was like a firework, loud and noisy and big and bright, but it also burnt itself out pretty quick. I can’t think of a good metaphor for what my attraction to you is like, but it’s not like that, not at all. It’s slower and has both roots and wings, and it makes me feel warm inside, in places I don’t think have ever felt warm, and yet all of this has only happened over the space of two weeks. So, it's also surprising and revelatory too. I think what I’m trying to say is, I like how I like you and I like how you like me, and I want to keep going but…” Her lips press together.
“But?” I prompt.
Mina closes her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m so tired and my head still hurts, and keeping my eyes open is so painful, and I want to say more, but I don’t think I can.”
“It’s okay, Mina.” I put my hand on her upper arm and squeeze gently. “You rest.”
She snuggles down into the pillow. “Will you stay? Or shall I call you later?”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I say and I watch as a small smile unfurls on her lips. “But can you just say it again?”
“Say what?”
“That you’ll be my girlfriend.”
“Okay, Charlie,” she whispers. “I’ll be your girlfriend.”
“Okay, Mina,” I say, also in a low voice. “My girlfriend.”
And I watch her as she falls asleep.
