Jessica scrunches up her nose in the way she always does when she’s thinking about something.
“So, if you’re asexual, how does that work with romance novels? I mean, like, the spicy ones?”
Maeve’s expression doesn’t change as she replies, “Well, firstly, sexual and romantic feelings are two very different things, and while I don’t feel sexual attraction, I do think I can develop a romantic attraction.” She clears her throat and dips her gaze. “At least, I think so.” Her eyes lift again and sparkle a little as they land on my sister once more. “But more importantly, remember that the people in smutty romance books are fictional so in some ways it doesn’t make me any lessasexual if I feel some kind of sexual attraction to them. Not that I do. I just like happy endings, I guess. I should go help your ma wash up.” After mumbling her way through that short monologue, Maeve stands but I reach over and hold her wrist to still her.
“I’ll do it,” I say. “Why don’t you and Jess get comfy on the couch and talk more about all this stuff?”
“I’d love to.” Maeve flashes my sister a smile. “But I should also be getting back to my hotel. I’m rubbish at packing and I hate being rushed so want to make sure I have enough time.”
“Yeah, of course,” I say, lifting my hand. “If you want to go take a shower in the cabin, I’ll drive you back whenever you’re ready.”
“You don’t have to,” Maeve says, her voice quiet. “I can easily get a taxi.”
“I don’t want you to get a taxi, Maeve,” I tell her, and I sound sterner than I expect even though I do want to get the point home.
“Let them drive you,” Jessica says as she slowly pushes to stand up and Prince immediately moves to be at her ankles. “It will give me a break from them because I can see they’re itching to put their nurse’s outfit on and not leave me alone today.”
I give my sister a look. I had changed out of my sleepwear before we sat down to breakfast, so I know this isn’t a dig at what I’m wearing, more about my behavior around her. And there’s a reason why I don’t contest her.
“Well, if you’re sure.” Maeve pushes her chair in. “I’ll go get ready.”
Both Jessica and I watch Maeve leave.
“Aromantic, my ass!” Jessica says the second the kitchen door clicks shut.
My head swings to her. “What does that mean?”
“That means I think you have feelings for Maeve. Veryromanticfeelings.”
“Yeah, I have feelings for Maeve, but they’re not romantic.”
Jessica swallows a laugh that makes her cough. “Sure, Loncey, sure.”
I open my mouth to argue more but I don’t have the energy. Specifically, I don’t have the energy to try and find the right words. Because the truth is, I don’t know if what I feel for Maeve is romantic or not. I know I’m attracted to her, and I know enough to also be mindful that there are so many different ways people experience attraction. But for some reason, I don’t seem able to identify what I feel for Maeve, or what it means for my hard-fought understanding of myself.
“You know, it’s okay for these things to change,” Jessica says as she turns to walk toward the living room. She’s off the IV now so able to move around freely, if very slowly. “Our ability to change, to evolve, is what makes us human.”
I snort. “What self-help book did you read that in?”
“I didn’t.” She looks back at me. “You taught me that.”
“I’ve literally never said that to you.”
“No, but I’ve watched it happen. I’ve watched you embody that. I’ve watched you change many times over the years, watched you evolve into somebody I’m proud to call my sibling.”
“I’m proud of you too,” I say, pleased I can get the words out around the sudden lump in my throat.
“But this evolution.” She nods at the kitchen window, at the cabin across the yard. “This is my favorite evolution so far.”
“What… what do you mean?”
“Watching you fall in love,” she says, and with a tap on her thigh for Prince’s benefit, she continues walking away.
*****
We are mostly silent on the drive to Maeve’s hotel.
Occasionally, I glance over and see her eyes taking in the streets we drive down, but I can sense what she sees isn’t what fills her mind. I’m still wondering what she’s thinking about as we finally drive onto the Strip and the buildings get bigger, the sidewalks busier and more traffic appears.
