“No, they are a they. They’re non-binary.”
“Oh, right,” Marty’s performing eyebrows rise. “I see. Who arethey
“They’re… just someone on TikTok.”
“Someone you’re messaging. I saw several message bubbles on the screen.”
“You nosey fecker.” I scowl at my brother. “But we’re not messaging. Not anymore.”
Marty holds my gaze and for some reason I find the warmth in his brown eyes discomfiting, so I look away, pretending to suddenly be very interested in my nails. “You seem sad,” he says.
“About the messages? Nah. I don’t even know them.”
“No, I mean, in general.” Marty shifts in his chair to turn more towards me as I look up again. “I’d say I’ve noticed you have a face like a slapped arse more often than usual, but that would hardly cheer you up now, would it?”
“I’m not…” I pause, feeling the full weight of my next word. “Sad.”
“Maevey.” Marty cocks his head at me.
“I’mtired,” I say, wanting to get in there before he does. This is not the first time I’ve had chats like these with him, Jenna or my parents. “But it’s my own fault. I work too much, travel too much, dick around on the Internet too much.”
Marty nods and a thoughtful look falls over his face. “But that used to make you happy,” he says. “Does it still?”
I think about that for a moment, and it’s a moment longer than I should. “It doesn’t make me unhappy,” I reply eventually and it’s the truth, I think.
My phone vibrates in my palm and force of habit has me turning it over immediately. I see an email notification on the screen with the Subject and Sender visible. It’s from the underwear brand I have loosely agreed to work with, and the email’s Subject is “More Information About Your Keynote Speech at XXXCon.”
Marty’s talking to me again but I’m not listening as I open up the email. I’ve been waiting for this additional information, and am keen to know if they are confirming the dates they need me to be in Vegas.
“Have you ever thought about how potentially unhealthy it is to be online as much as you are?” my brother says, but again I’m not paying full attention even though his words make me straighten my back and make it extra hard to ignore him completely. “And like, what if you had a few days a week offline. Maybe start a new hobby or do some volunteering or—”
I can’t read the fecking email while he’s jabbering away in my ear. I lower the phone and fix him with a glare.
“Marty, I hear what you’re saying and I appreciate it. Really, I do. And honestly, it’s nothing I haven’t already thought about myself, but now’s not the time. I’m well aware of how far you’ve come on your own personal enlightenment journey but I’ve been waiting on this email for weeks so could I just read it and you can save your pseudo-counselling session for another day?”
“Jesus, Maeve,” he laughs but there’s no cheer in it. “You’re a real bitch sometimes, you know that?”
I blink at him, my email long forgotten. My brother’s called me a bitch before, but not in recent years. That enlightenmentjourney I just poked fun at him for has brought us closer together than ever and our banter has rarely turned unpleasant. Until I just let rip at him.
“I…” I hold his eye contact even though it feels like it a physical effort to do so. “I’m sorry, Marty, I’m just tired. I feel like I’m on this rollercoaster ride with my work and it’s impossible to get off.”
His face softens. “You can get off anytime you want,” he says in the most soothing voice.
I’m about to tell him no, I can’t. I’m about to explain that I don’t know what I would do if I wasn’t on this ride. I’m about to try and make him see that my job keeps me busy and I need to keep busy. I’m about to say this, and maybe much more that I’ve buried even deeper inside me but I’m prevented, or maybe saved, when I see Jenna return from the bathroom, placing her hand on his shoulder.
“You stole my seat,” she tells Marty teasingly and his attention immediately switches from me to her.
I sigh and go back to my email.
Hi Maeve
Great news! We’re happy to say we do have everything finalized for your trip to Vegas and XXXCon now, including your travel dates and suggested flights. Your accommodation is provisionally reserved for you, and we also have the full details of the panel your speech will be introducing…
The rest of the email proceeds with no great surprises or anything out of the ordinary and off the top of my head, I’m pretty sure the dates and flight times will work with what I had already pencilled in my diary. I know the hotel they’ve booked me in and it’s nice, one of the 5-star hotels on the Strip. A five-night stay may at least mean I can adjust to the time zone a little and not be completely laid out with jet lag the whole time. Then, I start to read about the keynote speech they want me to deliver…
It will take place first thing on the second day and is in a great spot, when energy should be high and the nerves from the first day should have dissipated. There’s also more information about the photoshoot they want me to do, the one I haven’t yet fully committed to doing.
For the photoshoot, you will be joined by the following other content creators who are all queer, and all do a range of different things online. We may ask you to shoot some images with some of these creators, if you are comfortable. @SirJordan (he/him) – a trans BDSM educator famous for the Yes, Sir podcast. @KaylaXXX – award-winning sapphic adult performer and owner of Her Lips Studio. PornBubble’s own @MilkyMia and @ElBaby, queer adult performer and top 0.05% creator on MyFans.
