“Yes,” Marty says into the top of my head. “So fucken lucky.”
And somehow – I don’t really know how it happens – but a moment later, we’re all locked in one single embrace, like a strange team hug, with our arms around each other’s backs and a few tears slipping to the floor, but more smiles. So many more smiles.
Chapter Sixteen
Loncey
Glancing over her shoulder at me, Harley gives me a meaningful stare. It’s the “Hurry Up And Come Look.” I give her the quickest, shortest nod. I know, woman, I know. She acknowledges me with a slow blink of both eyelids, an act that will barely be detectable on camera, and then she turns round again and continues to thrust hard into Miko who is bent over in front of her, groaning. He’s already come twice but with one hand stretched out on the bed, and another busy between his legs, it looks like he’s getting ready for another.
I know Harley’s sore. She already told me that before the scene even began as she and Miko did another big scene yesterday that was very impact-heavy. I’d suggested we do something different based on that fact, but she insisted. It’s been a while since she’s topped in a scene with us and it’s rare that that aligns with Miko’s desire to bottom so I wasn’t surprised when she insisted on proceeding. But the least I can do is comequickly for her. Except, I can’t. And I can’t even do the thing I know will help.
I want to think about Maeve. I want to imagine what she smells like, how soft and smooth her skin is, and how her sing-song accent sounds in my ears without the phone or Internet distorting her voice. I want to know if her hand feels small in mine. I want to know what her hair would feel like draped over my chest. I want to know if she likes to be the little or the big spoon, or if, like me, it depends on the day.
And then there are the other things I could think about, dream about, fantasize about that would get me off, would get this over for Harley.
But it feels wrong. I said we were friends. Iwantto be friends with Maeve. But even friendship feels like a too-fragile concept after she didn’t reply to my last message. And now two weeks have gone by with no communication at all and I can’t help but conclude that this is what she wants. For whatever reason, Maeve doesn’t want to be friends with me. So thinking about Maeve feels not just wrong and disrespectful, but offensive, insulting.
So I don’t think about Maeve. And I wait until Miko is moaning out deep and low as another orgasm wrecks his body and I bend over and whisper close to Harley’s ear, low enough that the camera won’t pick it up, “If you can come too, do it. I’m not gonna. So just come.”
She freezes her movements for a split second but then her hips are thrusting again, faster this time, finding her own rhythm now I’m doing little more than rock into her, relinquishing my control over her movements.
“Whose hole is this?” she calls out.
“Yours,” is Miko’s muffled reply as he keeps his head pressed into the bed, his body rising and falling with heavy breaths.
“I can’t hear you. Who do you belong to?” she asks as her thrusts quicken.
“You!” Miko moans, louder. “I’m all yours. Jesus, Harley. You’re so beautiful. Fuck me harder.”
“I want you to come again. Feeling you clench around me will make me come,” Harley says, and I see a bead of sweat travel down her slim back.
Not for the first time, I feel like I’m intruding. They have such an intense sexual connection, and I know it’s one that is strengthened by opening it up to me and others, but still I feel like this is a moment I shouldn’t be a part of. And yet, to just get up and walk away would ruin the scene.
Miko sighs through gritted teeth as his hand continues to play with himself.
“Such a good boy,” Harley tells him and I smile. I know how good that makes Miko feel when he’s in the right headspace to hear it and from the whimpering that starts to come from him as he turns his head to the side and looks up at his girlfriend behind him, I know he’s lapping it up.
Once upon a time this would make me come. There was a time when I was part of this dynamic but it’s not working today. It hasn’t worked for a long time.
But I do feel the shadow of something as I watch Miko cry out, arching his back and pushing into Harley, who is fucking him so hard that I’ve fallen out of her completely and am simply holding her hips as she rides her way to her own climax, which comes less than a minute after Miko’s. She leans over him and shudders as she comes inside him, her mouth leaving countless kisses all over his back.
“Oh, God, Miko, oh God.”
“That’s my girl,” Miko’s mumbled reply makes me smile and has Harley starting to chuckle, her body shaking.
“I love you so much,” she says in a rush as her breath is yet to slow down.
“I love you,” Miko replies. “Fuck, I love you.”
I pull back further and take my hands off Harley. If I felt like I was intruding a moment ago, I feel like I’m downright trespassing now.
I also feel something else.
I feel… jealous. Envious of their bond.
I find myself wanting to remember what it feels like to have someone tell me they love me. I find myself wanting to recall what it feels like to have someone cover my back in kisses. I find myself remembering that warm, affirming feeling of being safe in someone’s arms, and of offering them the same security and validation. Before it felt suffocating and exhausting.
But there’s no time to dwell on that. The cameras are still rolling and I’m going to do what I sometimes do; turn this less-than-perfect ending to a scene into a learning opportunity.
