“Oh, Ben… I’m so sorry,” I manage, though the words feel hopelessly inadequate. I wish I could reach through the phone and hold him, take some of his pain away. I swallow hard. “How’s Laney?” I ask, though I already know the answer.
“Devastated,” he says with a shaky exhale. “And I don’t know what to say to her, Ash. I’m her dad. I’m supposed to take her pain away. Instead, I made it worse.”
His voice cracks, and hearing him like this breaks something deep inside me. “Ben…” I whisper, frowning. “What do you mean?”
He’s quiet for a moment before releasing another sigh.
“I saw Molly on Thursday while I was in Phoenix,” he says, his tone low and guilt-ridden. “I told her I’d met someone. Someone incredible.” He pauses, and my heart aches, wondering what he’s going to say next.
“Laney thinks she heard me… and that she gave up. Maybe she’s right.”
My eyes widen in disbelief as I shake my head. This isn’t him talking, it’s the grief. It has to be. He can’t really believe that’s what happened. Molly had an infection that overwhelmed her already fragile body. It’s a tragic coincidence that Ben visited her on Thursday and told her about us. Nothing more.
“No, Ben,” I say firmly. “Her body was weak, and the infection took over. You didn’t cause this.”
“You don’t know that,” he snaps, his voice suddenly sharp.
I gasp quietly at the edge in his tone, and he must hear it because he lets out a weary sigh almost immediately. “Shit… I’m sorry, Ash,” he says, his voice softening. “I’m just… my head’s a mess.”
“It’s okay,” I say gently. “I get it.”
There’s a pause. “I’ve just had to call her brother and tell him she’s died before he was able to get back and say goodbye. He was devastated.”
“Ben…” I trail off, wishing I knew what to say.
“We’re staying at my sister’s in Phoenix tonight. I can’t handle the drive home. We’ll head back tomorrow, probably.”
“Okay,” I reply, trying to keep my voice calm. “I’ll stop by after work to see you both.”
There’s a beat of silence, and the quiet on the other end knots my stomach. Maybe I pushed too hard. I was so afraid of saying the wrong thing, and now it feels like I’ve done exactly that.
“Ash,” he says finally, his voice low. “Can I check on Laney tomorrow and let you know then?”
“Of course,” I reply quickly. “Sorry… I shouldn’t have assumed.”
Heat rises to my cheeks. I’d been so worried I wouldn’t know how to handle this if it went badly, and now here I am, proving myself right.
“No, baby,” he says softly. “I want to see you. But I need to make sure Laney’s okay before I think about what I want.”
“It’s okay. I understand.”
“Hang on a second,” he says.
I hear a rustle, then muffled voices as he covers the phone. I can’t make out the words, but the tension in his voice when he returns is unmistakable.
“Sorry,” he murmurs. “I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay…” I say, hesitating for a beat. “I love you.”
He exhales quietly, and when he answers, his voice is heavy.
“I love you too, Ash. Night, baby.”
“Night, Ben.”
I end the call and let the phone drop onto the bed beside me before sinking deeper into the mattress with a heavy sigh. Ben sounds completely broken, and it shreds my heart to hear the guilt he’s carrying. None of this is his fault. And Laney… I can’t even begin to imagine how lost she must feel. Devastated doesn’t even come close.
I’m desperate to see Ben, to hold him and remind him that he isn’t alone. But I know I’ll have to wait. He’s right. Laney hasto come first. I just hope that in all of this, he doesn’t end up pushing me away.
