Six months of walking the long way around the quad to avoid seeing her.
Six months of hearing her occasional chuckle when she's with Maddie—her laugh feeling like nails driven through my chest. And here we are. Six months later, and it still fucking hurts.
I hate that it does.
I still find myself looking for her in every crowd. I still remember how she would wait for me after every class so we could see each other. She'd lean against the railing, eyes lighting up the second she saw me, before her lips were pressed against mine.
I hate that I remember the day everything cracked apart.
I clench my jaw and keep walking, hoping everyone leaves me the fuck alone.
The second our eyes connect, just like that, I'm back in it.
Back in the mess. In the ache she created in my chest.
She's leaving. That thought alone should make me happy, but it doesn't. Instead, it fills me with more anger. She thinks she can move and get a fresh start somewhere else? No. I won't let her. Not when I have to stay here and be reminded of everything I fucking lost.
The day I found out Mary cheated on me, Tyler and Anthony left town. I haven't seen them since, which is probably a good thing considering this all started with them.
I head toward the parking lot, needing to get the fuck away from everyone and head back to the house where Damon, Roman, Ace, and I live. Sometimes it's a bit overwhelming being around so many people, but it beats the dorms back on campus where I was staying only a few months ago. At least there, I know I can be myself. I don't have to hide or change who I am.
Five minutes later, I'm pulling into the driveway and getting out of my car. There isn't anyone here, so I go to the kitchen and grab a water from the fridge. The cold liquid slides down my throat, and I feel more grounded being away from her.
She clouds my mind. It makes me feel like I'm short-circuiting around her. The logical side of my brain wants to forget everything and pull her into my arms, but I never do. Just looking into her blue eyes is enough of a reminder of what she fucking did.
Not even a few minutes later, I hear the guys trickle in from the door, their loud voices booming in the living room and drowning out my thoughts. Damon’s the first to spot me. He nods at me before taking a seat on one of the barstools.
"What's up?" he asks, and it's clear he wants to make sure I'm good after what happened with Mary. Damon’s the only one who knows the truth about Mary cheating on me. Of course, there are rumors. How I broke things off with her, howIcheated, how we just grew apart. The list goes on, but no one else knows.
I can still feel the way it felt to bash my knuckles into Tyler’s face—the sound of his nose cracking under my fist.
I didn't want to stop.
I wanted to feel everything. He deserved that and so much more—he and his piece-of-shit brother. And if I ever see them again, I'm not sure I'll be able to stop myself from taking it even further than I did that day.
But they aren't the only ones to blame. No, Mary also takes part in it.
"Nothing," I mumble, leaning back as I watch Roman and Ace mess with the TV. The sound of football being played hits my ears, and I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. I guess that's probably normal for someone who’s the captain of the team at Eldridge.
"You okay after finding out she wants to leave?" Damon asks, pulling my attention back to him. I only shrug. "I don't give a fuck what she does.” We both know I'm full of shit. Truth is, I might hate her, but I don't want her to leave. I want her to stay here and suffer alongside me.
"Sure you don't." Damon grips my shoulder before leaving the kitchen and joining the others in the living room.
He’s right. I do fucking care. God damn it. Grabbing my keys, I storm out of the house without another word, get back in my car, and drive toward campus. She needs to know she doesn't get to leave—and I'll fucking make sure of it.
***
I find her waiting for the elevator when I enter the lobby of the dorms. She looks exhausted, but I don't care. All I care about is making sure she hurts like I do. I want to see her tears, see the pain lingering in those beautiful blue eyes. There have been a few times I've watched her window over the past few months.
She doesn't see me as I walk up behind her.
"Are you ready to fill me in on why you're leaving?"
Mary jumps, clearly not expecting anyone—definitely not me. I keep my hands behind my back, my grip so tight I'd be shocked if I don't bruise myself.
"Jesus, Seb." She places a hand over her heart as if willing it to slow down. "I'm not doing this with you." She turns her attention back to the elevator, which seems to be taking its sweet time, and it's pissing her off.
"Oh, but we are, Mary." I take a step closer, and she presses the button a few times, but nothing happens. Looking around, I make sure no one else is watching as I wrap my hand around her mouth and waist.
