She would have to build a place for herself. A place to belong. She did not believe for one second her return would be easy. That she would resume her previous life seamlessly. She was returning as a different woman. And under different circumstances. What those circumstances would be remained to be seen. But at least she was free.
Lord Ardmore—John, as he insisted she call him—and Alice, the two agents sent to negotiate her release from the harem, had done their utmost to try to make her feel safe and comfortable as they accompanied her on the trip back to England. They had coordinated everything and even provided much valuable information as they brought her up to date with the happenings in England during her absence.
Through them, she had learned about the death of her parents, her brother’s marriage, and the subsequent death of his wife in childbirth. Was it normal to hear this news without a hint of emotion? Probably yes, in her case. Her parents had never been warm or loving, and after the way they abandoned her to her fate, they had already been dead to her.
Her brother was another matter. Despite him initiating the process for her return, he was no ally. On the contrary, hatred and resentment simmered within her. A pot that had been boiling for twelve long years and was now threatening to spill over.
What would she do when she had him in front of her? John had explained that her brother’s health was bad. She couldn’t find it in her heart to feel sorry for him. Not after the way he destroyed her life. Hers and Michael’s.
Michael. Even thinking his name was bittersweet. He was the one person she had not dared ask about. He was the one goodmemory. The one true love she had ever had. She didn’t want to taint that by learning he had married or how many children he had. She would learn eventually, she was sure. But she wanted to hold on to her blissful ignorance for a little longer.
“We are about to dock. How does it feel to be back in England after all this time?” Alice asked, coming to lean her arms next to her on the railing of the ship. The other woman was of average height and slender. Brown eyes, brown hair, and an utterly unremarkable appearance, which Josephine suspected was by design, because Alice was pretty enough, and her eyes sparkled with intelligence. Smart of her to not attract attention to herself. Josephine wished she had learned that trick sooner.
“Strange. I feel as if I’m coming home, but not. I’m relieved to be here at last, scared of what awaits me, excited, uncertain, apprehensive, angry, sad. Pick any emotion and I’m feeling it at this moment.”
“It will be all right. And you know you can always count on me. And John as well. Our help is not limited to the duration of this trip. You have our addresses, correct?”
“I do. John gave them to me yesterday. Thank you so much for all you have done for me. I could never repay you—”
“No need,” Alice interrupted. “It was our pleasure to help you.”
“Thank you. You and John have been not only the instruments of my freedom, but also the best friends I could have ever hoped for.”
During the course of two weeks of sea travel, she had become good friends with Alice. John was more reserved, but no less helpful and kind. She didn’t truly understand the relationship between them. Sometimes she wondered if there was more between them than the friendliness of long-time colleagues. But if there was, they concealed it well. She had never noticed anything romantic between them.
“I believe that’s your brother’s carriage.” Alice pointed her chin toward the dock where the ship was lowering its gangplank.
Apprehension filled her until her lungs refused to expand to draw in breath. “Will you and John come with me when I meet my brother? I don’t trust him.”
“And with good reason, after what he did to you,” Alice replied kindly. “Of course we will accompany you. The assignment was to see you settled back into your life, and we won’t abandon you to your fate.”
She released a breath, then took another deeper one. Here, the salty tang of the sea mingled with the chaotic smells of a bustling port; brine and seaweed, exotic spices, and underneath it all, the rotten smells of fermented fruits and decomposing sea life. The scene was chaotic, the men who bustled about carrying barrels and trunks of merchandise looked rough. And yet, despite external appearances, a wholesome sense permeated the scene. These were hardworking men. This was an honest activity. She didn’t mind even the bad smells. They represented freedom. Life. And after twelve long years of enduring evil captivity, she knew from experience that sometimes the biggest rot could lurk in luxurious and perfumed palaces.
An hour later, she descended the gangplank and stepped onto solid ground for the first time in two weeks. It almost felt strange, as if her legs had adjusted to the constant sway and rolling of the ship and now resented the firmness of the terrain.
The door to the coach opened, and a man stepped out with difficulty. Where was her brother? Who was this person he had sent in his stead? Her gaze scanned the stranger without recognition until he spoke.
“Hello, Josephine. Welcome home.”
That voice! She recognized the voice, but the man was unrecognizable. Her brother was a mere five years older than her, but he looked like an old man. Balding hair, sunken cheeks,hollow eyes. Unhealthy pallor and a thinness that evoked that of a cadaver. She had been aware her brother was ill, but this was beyond anything she had expected.
She tried to speak, but words failed her. How to respond to his greeting? With graciousness as if nothing had happened and she was returning from a pleasure trip? She couldn’t do that. But the cutting words also refused to come. The righteous anger she had been feeling had receded. He was too pathetic a figure to feel anything but pity for him. It seemed her family was cursed, after all. In the end, she settled for a brief nod of acknowledgment.
“Lord Dunhaven.” That’s it. She couldn’t call him brother. Or even by his given name. He was a stranger to her.
“Please, allow me.” He extended his hand as if to help her into the coach. She took a step back in horror. Touching him? No. Out of the question.
Her brother’s smile was sad. “I know I don’t look well, but what I have is not contagious.”
She hadn’t even considered that. “That is not the reason. After you, Lord Dunhaven.”
He must have seen her determination to not give quarter on this issue. With a nod, he turned and got into the coach. Alice followed him, then her, and last, John.
When all were settled, her beside Alice in the front facing seat, her brother and John in the seat across, a charged silence settled into the atmosphere inside the carriage. She couldn’t stand it and saw no reason to do so.
“Why did you send for me after all these years, Lord Dunhaven?”
“Please, Josephine. Can we drop the formalities? You used to call me by my given name.”
