His Grace, the Duke of Aycliffe was frolicking around the entrance yard, pretending to be a horse for a two-year-old who wasn’t even his child. In full view of his servants, with nary a care in the world. Laughing in tandem with Edward, who was cackling and holding on to Michael’s hair.
After a full turn around the fountain that adorned the entrance yard, Michael stopped in front of her, his face flushed, his hair mussed by little hands, eyes dancing with mirth. “Can I take him for a ride on the real horse?”
The fact that he asked her meant a lot. It was an acknowledgment that he deferred to her in matters of the child.She knew Michael was a superb rider, but Edward was so small and the horse so large.
“Is it safe?”
“My horse is very well trained, and I’d never take any risks with Edward. I will hold him securely and give him a turn around the house, no more.”
“Horsy! Horsy! Uncle Mac, go, go!” Edward exclaimed, swinging his legs impatiently, obviously having no compunction about using a duke as his mount.
She had to bring her hand to her mouth to cover her smile. When had her nephew started calling Michael Uncle Mac? She gave a quick nod, and Michael wasted no time before swinging into the saddle while keeping Edward secured in his arms in an exuberant display of athleticism.
Watching them ride around the yard, seeing Edward’s elated face and Michael’s indulgent smile, her heart gave a painful twist inside her chest. Michael would be a wonderful father; patient, fun, and loving. She imagined him cradling a boy with russet locks and green eyes and could have wept with longing. Because she would not be the mother of that child. She would never be a mother at all.
She had better stay away from him. Had to avoid any more scenes like the one that had transpired in the maze. She wasn’t sure she could resist him. It certainly didn’t help that he was actively trying to seduce her.
Well, not seduce, per se. More like wooing her. Although she was sure he wouldn’t oppose a full on seduction, he was respecting the physical boundaries she had set and had not kissed her or even tried to touch her since that devastating kiss in the gardens. Instead he was crumbling her defenses with scenes such as this. Being wonderful and kind. What he didn’t know was that the very thing that drew her to him the most was also what separated them, as it made her realize how unfitshe was for him. Because she couldn’t give him all the things he deserved.
CHAPTER 28
Thesoundofherlaughter reached his ears, pulling him out of his work. It had always called to him, that musical laugh curled though his chest and settled around his heart. These days it was all the more precious for being rare. Most of the time she was quiet, self-effacing, contained. As if her spirit had been dimmed in the years they were apart. He couldn’t stand it. He wanted to hear her laugh every day, wanted to see her eyes sparkle with joy and mischief and passion…
And she wanted nothing to do with him.
He was trying to be patient, as his mother recommended. He hoped that at some point she would forgive him and accept him. That he could somehow regain her trust. When remembering the earth-shattering kiss they had shared in the garden, his faith returned. Maybe there were just a few embers left, but he could work with that. He would stoke it into the indomitable fire that had forged them before. He had to, because losing her again was not an option. He had barely survived doing so once.
Another musical chuckle reached his ears, followed by the squeal and warble of a toddler. He followed the sound to the open window that overlooked the back lawn. There, amid orderly parterres and impassive statues, she ran from the child, hiding behind a bush before the little one waddled over to her, squealing in delight when he found her. She picked him up and nuzzled his tummy, making weird sounds that made the child laugh.
She laughed too. The sound full bodied and throaty. It brought back memories of their own escapades in this garden. A long time ago. In another lifetime.
He found himself smiling at their antics, before dark thoughts, like storm clouds, obscured his mind. This scene seemed plucked straight out of his dreams. To have children with her. To watch them play in their garden. If they had not been torn apart, this could have been their lives. That golden haired, chubby toddler could have been their son. Instead, he was the son of the man who had destroyed their lives.
How much suffering had they both endured over twelve long years? How many dreams shattered? How much time lost that could never be recovered? She was caring for a child not her own when she had been denied the possibility of a family. So had he. He had never married because every time he had contemplated the possibility, every fiber of his being rejected the idea of marrying another woman. He had told himself her betrayal had jaded him. In truth, it was because his soul recognized its mate and would have her or none other.
Now, he had come to care for little Edward, but the irony wasn’t lost on him that it was the child’s father who had deprived him and Josephine of their own family. Her brother had done him the gravest injury of his life. One that still bled. He knew, in his heart of hearts, the child was not at fault. And he would never take out his resentment on an innocent child. But it still hurt.
His sudden dark mood felt attracted to her laughter like only two opposite poles of a magnet can attract each other, and he could no more prevent himself from seeking her out than he could stop breathing.
The game of chase had apparently ended, and she sat with her toddler nephew on a blanket under the shade of a big tree, feeding the child small bites from a platter of cut fruit. As little Edward chomped on a piece of apple, he approached them.
“Do you mind if I join you?”
She looked at him with a hint of trepidation in her eyes and her smile dimmed, but then she dipped her head in assent. God, how he hated how guarded she still was around him. After his declaration of intent to marry her, she had retreated emotionally. It baffled him. Wouldn’t she want that too? Of course not. He couldn't even blame her, not after he had failed her in every regard. But he still yearned. Still suffered this distance. And wished it were otherwise.
There had been a time, a long time ago, when being in each other’s arms, as close as two human beings possibly could, was something they both desired, needed. Now they were in a dance where it seemed they took one step closer just to take two back.
“What brings you here?” Her question was casual but also contained a genuine concern. It seemed to say, why have you sought me out? He decided to lead with complete honesty.
“Your laughter called to me. It always has. But these days it’s a rare occurrence.”
“I guess I have fewer reasons to laugh.”
“Glad to see the antics of your nephew have brought you joy. Although…”
“What?”
He hesitated, unsure how to pose the question. Already regretting having started to ask it.
