She looked into his eyes, smiling wickedly. “Is that a promise?”
“That is a fact, my dear.” And then, just to emphasize his point, he gave her a little nudge with his hips, tearing a gasp from her. “Are you ready for another ride?”
“You are insatiable.”
“Of course I am. I’ve been starving for twelve years.”
And then he took her mouth with his and they didn’t speak for a long time because their bodies were communicating in a more profound and intimate way.
When the first glimmer of sunrise was barely touching the tops of the trees and her eyes were leaden with sleep, Michael rose from the bed and smiled down at her.
“You know, we should marry soon. I don’t fancy slinking out naked from your bedroom every morning.”
She faked sleep to avoid answering that oblique proposal.
Itseemedalltheirimportant conversations took place in these gardens. He knew he would find her here at this time of day. As the sun set, it bathed in golden light the several levels,fountains, paths, and nooks in which to hide. Josie spent as much time outside as possible, enjoying the admittedly splendid gardens of his estate that had been designed in the previous century by Capability Brown himself. Since she seemed to love them, he was inordinately pleased he could provide her with this haven.
“You can’t keep avoiding the subject,” he said as a greeting as he approached the bench where she was seated, sorting flowers and herbs she had collected within a basket.
It was driving him mad. In the week since she had tied him, they made love every night, and sometimes during the day as well. It was as if, by tying him, she could soar free, unafraid. It made her feel secure, and he was glad he could give her that. Glad? He had discovered the most intense experiences of his life by having her take her pleasure of him. On top. In control of their encounter. Watching her use him for her pleasure made his blood rush and his pulse race. He would gladly be her love slave if that’s what she needed.
But when it came to the subject of marriage, she remained as aggravatingly elusive as ever.
He had thought they were making progress, that they had broken through some barriers. That she had begun to trust him. How could she not, when she gave herself to him with such total abandon? And yet any mention of marriage had her changing the subject or distracting him. Anything to avoid giving him a straight answer.
He had allowed it at first. But now, he had the eerie feeling that she had not changed her mind about marriage. That she never would. The dismayed expression on her face, that of a wounded doe, pierced his soul.
“Perhaps not forever, but we were getting along so well, I had hoped we could postpone any unpleasantness.”
“If we are getting along so well, then why is the subject of marriage an unpleasant one?”
“Because I can’t marry you, Michael.” Her tone was quiet, subdued. It wasn’t precisely a rejection. More like a statement of fact. A dark thought entered his mind. Had the bastard who kidnapped her and kept her prisoner married her? Is that why she couldn’t marry him, despite their love for each other?
“Why not, Josephine? Did that bastard marry you? If so, I’ll have the marriage annulled.” Could he even do that? What was the law in this case? “It can’t be legal—”
“It’s not that,” she interrupted, lifting a boulder from his shoulders.
“Then why can’t you marry me? We have made love fully. Multiple times. You allowed me to release inside you. You know what that means? At this very moment you could be carrying my child.”
She smiled sadly. “The reason I allowed you to release inside me is precisely the reason why I can’t marry you.”
“What do you mean? Stop talking in riddles.”
Her head cocked to the side. “You haven’t figured it out yet, Michael? I’m barren. That’s why I can’t marry you. You need an heir, but more than that, you deserve to have children. You’ll make a wonderful father, and I will not deprive you of that experience.”
Barren. The word was like what he would imagine a cannonball to the chest would feel like. No. It could not be. Fate could not be this cruel. He could not have all his dreams dangled in front of him only to have them disappear the moment he reached for them.
But she was right that he needed an heir. And it was deeper than that. He had dreamed about having children with her. The harsh reality that it would never happen for them sent part ofthat happy future he had envisioned tumbling down. The loss was real. And devastating.
But not as painful as the grim resignation in her eyes. Josie had suffered so much. How much harder must this be for her? How long had she carried this pain alone?
“Are you quite sure?” God, what an awfully inappropriate thing to say. As if she would say something like this without enough evidence.
Her mouth twisted in bitter acceptance. “I spent years as the pasha’s concubine, and I never conceived. You may draw your own conclusions. And before you say the fault might be his, it isn’t. He has over twenty children with his other wives and concubines.”
“Has a doctor seen you?”
She laughed, although there was no mirth in the sound. “No, I didn’t seek a doctor’s counsel, and none was offered to me. The pasha had plenty of children, so he didn’t care if I conceived or not. His other women took great delight in mocking and reviling me. There’s a lot of jealousy and competition in the harem, and having a male child is considered one of the greatest accomplishments. They taunted me, calling me as arid as the Sahara. But to be frank, I saw my barrenness as a blessing. The mockery never hurt as they thought it would. Inside, I was rejoicing. I could imagine nothing worse than having his children. It would have tied me to him forever. So I was glad of my barrenness. Until now.”
