She reaches into the bassinet and carefully picks up my girl. She comes over to me and ever so gently places Grace into my arms. The moment I look into her eyes, I’m gone. She’s got eyes just like her mama and is the most beautiful baby in the world. I try to contain my tears, only so they don’t fall on her. I look over her, touching each tiny finger, till she grabs onto my finger with her tiny little hand. I quietly make my promise to her. “I’ll always be there for you. I’ll be there in the good times and the times that are hard. You’ll never question my love.” I look over every inch of her face and continue, “You can be whatever you want and that the only expectation I’ll ever put on you is that you try and do the right thing as much as possible and find your joy in life, whatever that is.” She starts to fuss a little, so while supporting her head like I’ve been told, I move her to lay against my chest and slowly rub her back.
Sniffles get my attention and I look up at Ma. She’s been recording and taking pics probably the whole time. She gives me a teary-eyed smile.
“Kierstie told me that you’ve been singing to her since you found out she was pregnant. Sing that same song to her. They say that babies can hear while in the womb.” So I do, but I’m not sure if she really recognizes my voice. She does stop fussing. I’m not really sure why I started singing the old John Waite song the first time, but since then, it’s been kind of a promise to her that if she has faith in me, I’ll be there. I’m gonna have a learning curve at this whole dad thing, but I’ll put everything into it.
I don’t know how long I sit with her on my chest, but after a while, the nurse comes in and lets us know that Kierstie is getting into her own room shortly and we can go down there. Ma says she’ll hold Grace after her mama does. The nurse has me put Grace back in the bassinet, citing hospital policy, and tells us she’ll bring her down in just a few minutes. She gives us Kierstie’s room number. I get my shirt back on, kiss Grace on the forehead, and go with Ma to find Kierstie’s room.
CHAPTER 13
Kierstie
I start coming out of this groggy-feeling state and the first thing I remember is our little girl is here. I remember the doctor saying she looks healthy and doesn’t seem to have any injuries or anything from the crash. I also feel my right arm is heavy and I see they put a cast on it, confirming that it’s broken. I can’t believe everything that’s happened in the last few hours. I don’t even know how everyone else is after the crash.
Ma interrupts my thoughts. “There’s my beautiful girl.” She comes over to one side of the bed and gives me a kiss on the cheek and starts fussing with my hair, the pillows, and the blankets on the bed, trying to get things just right for me. I look at the door and the sexiest man is leaning against the doorframe. He’s got a huge smile on his face. He moves toward the bed.
“Hey, gorgeous. How are you feeling?” He leans down and gives me a soft and tender kiss, that’s full of love.
“I’m doing better than I was. Where’s our girl? Did you hold her?”
He kisses my forehead and answers, “The nurse is going to bring her here in just a minute. I did hold her for a while. Gorgeous, she’s got your eyes, and the tiniest fingers I’ve ever seen. She’s perfect.” As he’s describing her, I can’t help but start crying. They’re happy tears, I think. I just can’t believe she’s here already. Wiping my tears away, I look over and a nurse is pushing a bassinet into the room. This is it. I’ve waited forever for this moment. My path to becoming a mom might not have been the way I thought it was going to be, but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world, well, except for the hour before she was born. That I could’ve fucking done without. The nurse picks up Grace with delicate care.
“Alright, Mama, it’s your turn to hold your beautiful girl.” She places her in my arms and when I move the blanket to see her face, my purpose is staring back at me. She’s the reason I was put on this earth, just so I could be her mama. I don’t know how long I spend looking at her and talking to her. I can’t help but sing a little to her as I rock her in my arms. I start to sing the only song that comes to mind.
“Someday I’ll wish upon a star…” She’s gonna have a love of musicals from the start. This girl is going to understand the reason why there was trouble in River City, and why there ain’t nothin’ like a dame. She’s gonna get why Sandra Dee was Hopelessly Devoted and the reason Michelle Pfeiffer singing a Cool Rider is the best song ever.
She starts to fuss after a bit, and both the nurse and Ma help me get her in a position to try to breastfeed. With my cast, it’s a bit tricky, but luckily, my Grace is amazing and starts latching on right away. When she seems to be done, Ma offers to burp her since I’m still trying to figure shit-er stuff out with my arm. I look over and see Ma and how she’s already an amazing Amma. I turn my head and realize Shane’s not in the room.
“Where’d Shane go?” Ma looks up from Grace.
“My girl, he told you when he left. He went to go find out about everyone else that was in the accident. He’ll be back in just a couple of minutes. He knew you’d ask about everyone as soon as you settled. He left once you handed her over. I think he didn’t want to miss a second of you with her for anything.”
“He’s amazing. He’s been there every step of the way. He got me all of my cravings, went to every appointment, and read every book.”
Ma sets a sleeping Grace down in her bassinet and comes over to the side of my bed. She adjusts my pillows and looks at me.
“I can remember the day you were born. You looked at me that first time and I knew that I was meant to be in your life. You’re the one who made me a mom and to think, I get to see you adapt to being a mom. You love so fiercely and completely, my girl. Grace is going to grow up with so much love and support. She’s gonna do great.” I nod in agreement.
“Yeah and we’ve already talked about it and I hope to have more eventually and—” Before I can finish my sentence this wave of emotion, full of doubt and fear, hits me and the tears start pouring out.
“How am I going to keep him and be a good wife when I can’t do anything with a broken arm, and I’m going to have a huge scar? I can’t even take care of our daughter alone right now. He’s gonna leave me!” I’m surprised Ma isn’t looking at me like I’m off my rocker ’cause that’s what it feels like. I can’t stop the words that spew out as another wave of tears fall down my face.
“Shane’s gonna take Grace and leave me to be a sad pathetic crying mess that’ll end up an old, withered lady with thirty-five cats! He’s gonna see the crazy in me and run for the hills!” Ma grabs me to her chest, wrapping me in her arms. I put my head on her shoulder, where my tears start to land. I don’t know how long I cry or continue to mumble completely outlandish, but very real fears. I know at one point I said I was worried that my kids would hate me for having ugly handwriting. I mean, I know deep down that’s ridiculous, but it’s in the list of fears I currently have running rampant in my head. Ma must have decided she’s let me cry and carry on for long enough, because she pulls me from her chest and bends to look me in the eye, very closely, and kind of shakes me out of my rant.
“Kierstie. Look at me. Now.” Ma uses the voice that you know means something serious. I look at her through my tears.
“Your body has just been through two different traumatic experiences. The first being kidnapped by your sperm donor and in a bad car accident. Then less than an hour later, your body was cut open, organs moved around and your daughter was pulled from your body. All of that has your hormones all out of whack. That’s to be expected. You’re going to have emotions that hit you out of nowhere, but you need to try and remember underneath all of that, me and the rest of your family are here for you. That boy you married would doanythingfor you. He’s gonna drive you crazy on occasion, but he loves you and Grace more than life itself. He’s gonna freak out the first time you lose your shit like you just did, so I’ll expect a call from him about that. You are going to get through this and he’s gonna be there every step of the way. Your pa and I will be back up for any help either of you need.”
I lean back and wipe the last of my tears away. I must have been distracted by Ma cause I didn’t hear anyone coming into the room.
“Gorgeous, what’s going on? You okay? Is Grace? I was tryin’ to be back faster than this but got held up by a doctor.” He moves over to my side, opposite of Ma, and looks at me with a worried look. Gotta love this man.
“I’m okay. I was just having a good cry. Ma says it’s normal, but I had my first post-baby meltdown.” Shane kisses my forehead and looks at me for a second, like he’s trying to read if I’m really okay. At this moment, I am. I’m not stupid enough to say anything about the next moment at this point.
“Did you find out about everyone else? How bad were they all hurt?” Ma asks Shane the question I want the answer to as well.
“Brandy’s got a concussion, though they think that might be from when Abel grabbed her from the parking lot of the diner and threw her into the van. She’s also got a broken femur, which is going to take a long time to heal. She’s in surgery right now, but most likely will have to have at least one or two more to make sure it’s healing correctly. She’s gonna be down for months with it. Millie said she’s going to help her and Jameson is waitin’ with his mom for her to get out of surgery.
“Shandy’s got a couple of cracked ribs. She’s got a compound fracture in one wrist and the other has a sprain, but should heal quickly. She just got out of surgery for the fracture and Anna is in there with her along with a couple of brothers so she’s not alone when she wakes up.”
