I go to take a sip of coffee only to realize my cup is empty. “Anyway, back to what I was saying. I didn’t have someone to talk this shit out with, and I had only ever been with Celeste, and what you and I had done. That was pretty much it other than kissing a couple girls in high school. So I did the only thing I thought I could do as a married man back then, sincethe internet and shit wasn’t what it is now. I bought a copy ofPlayboyand a gay magazine. I kept them in my desk drawer in my office at home for weeks before I worked up the nerve to look at them. The night I finally did, I got my answer and I might have gotten hard. Fuck…I took care of my situation, and she walked in right after I had finished. She saw the magazine and immediately decided that we, as a happily married couple, were through. She said we’d stay married and outwardly appear happy, but me touching her was done, and I was going to keep us living the lifestyle we had. If I wanted to be an active parent to Leif and, at that point, our unborn child, I was going to do it without complaint. She said some other shit, but that was basically it.”
I needed more coffee before I said the words I’ve never in all my years admitted out loud. I get up and pour myself more, taking the last of the pot. I take a long sip, turn around, and lean against the counter. “I realized two things that night. The first was that I would do whatever it took to be in my kids' lives, even if it meant staying married to a woman who hated me. Second, that I was gay. Not bi, but completely one hundred percent gay.”
I take another sip and will myself to look over at Grant. I can tell he’s trying to take in everything I just dropped on him. Even without him saying anything, I feel like a weight has come off of my shoulders just a little bit. Like at least one person on thisplanet knows, and even that seems like a victory in itself. He looks at me.
“First off, I haven’t had anything nice to say about Celeste in years, and now…well, fuck her ‘cause that shit ain’t nothing but blackmail. I’m really fucking glad you’re going to go through with the divorce. You need to be free of her. I know things were a little different back then, and I know you were in your head about a lot of shit. But it’s like you’ve been serving a sentence because she knew you’d do anything for your boys, including denying a big part of who you are.” He sets his mug down and gets up, walking toward me. He stops and turns, facing me, looking me straight in the eyes. Grant whispers his question.
“Do you ever regret stopping things with us?”
My truth comes out without thought. “With every inch of my being.” He doesn’t change his determined expression, but I hear his quick intake of breath and his nostrils flare. He reaches up with his hand and grabs my neck. Just before he starts to speak, there’s a knock at the door and it opens.
“Hey, Grant! We’re here. Where you at?” Shane’s voice bellows through the house. Grant keeps his hand on my neck, and I can feel his other hand grab my waist as if to make sure I don’t take off. He yells back to Shane, “In the kitchen! The boxes are in the living room. I’ll be right there!”
He squeezes my neck slightly, getting my full attention again, not to mention making other parts stir that haven’t in far toolong. “You file for divorce, move out, and if you want to really try with us, you tell me. I won’t tarnish what could be between us by starting before you move out and have filed. We’ve waited all these years. I think we can wait that long, though, to be honest with you, it’s killing me not to kiss you right now. But I’ve got to go deal with those two in my living room, and you go get to what you need to get done to make shit happen. Even if you change your mind and don’t want to try between us, you’ve always got a bed here. It’s just up to you if it’s mine or the guest bed.” He lets my neck go, squeezes my hip, and we part. I head to the back door to make my exit. I think a drive is in order ‘cause, holy shit…I mean, he still wants me! I…I never thought he’d still be interested in something after all this time. I guess it’s time to go talk to Max. I need to end this farce of a marriage once and for all.
**********
As soon as I stop and park at Sooner or Later to grab a coffee, ‘cause this day is going to definitely need more, I text Max.
Me: Hey, you got a free hour for your uncle today?
He responds almost instantly.
Max: What’s going on?
Me: Got some legal stuff I was hoping to discuss with you. Need to make sure I’m on the right track.
Max: Well, shit. As long as it’s not heavy lifting, I got time. I was just heading to the office to catch up on a few things. Why don’t you swing by in like fifteen?
Me: Will do. I’ll bring you coffee from Sooner or Later.
Max: You are definitely my favorite uncle.
Me: LOL See you soon.
About twenty minutes later, I’m walking up to his office door when his assistant opens the door. Before I can say anything, she huffs off, completely ignoring me and mumbling about stupid men. I walk into the office and see Max picking up papers off the floor.
“Everything okay? I just saw your assistant walking off in a huff. In fact, I’m pretty sure she didn’t notice I was there.” He grabs the last of the papers off the floor and sets them on the desk. He shakes his head. “Apparently, she was thinking the job description was for a lawyer’s girlfriend or future wife and not an actual fucking assistant. I didn’t tell her to come in today. She heard me talking to Ry on the phone yesterday when I told him I had to catch up for a couple of hours today.” He takes the coffeefrom me and takes a sip with his other hand on his hip. “Guess I’m in the market for a new assistant now.” He turns toward his office. “Let me just forget about that since it’s fucking Saturday. Come on in the office and grab a seat.”
I take a seat on the other side of his desk. I take a sip of my coffee as if it gives me the strength to admit to Max what I am about to do. “So I met with a divorce lawyer the other day, and I’m planning on filing for divorce here pretty quickly from Celeste.” His eyes widen in surprise.
“That’s pretty fucking big news there, Uncle. I’m not a divorce lawyer, but what do you need from me?”
Before I start, I ask the question I need answered first. I need to find a way to tell Linnea and others in my own time. “I know you aren’t technicallymylawyer, but…”
He interrupts me and gives me a look that he must have learned from Linnea—the one she gives me when she thinks I’m being ridiculous. “Attorney-client privilege covers this, but even if it didn’t, I won’t share anything you don’t want me to. I’m not one of the family gossips, you know that.”
I nod in acknowledgment. I proceed to go over everything the lawyer said and then tell him about my concerns. I know she’s going to fight it and how dirty I think she might try to be. He gives me some suggestions to bring up to my lawyer and things I might want to get in place before I have her served. Time to protect myself and the things I’ve set up for my boys. I have noissues giving up the house to her and some money, but she ain’t getting every cent, and I know she’ll try to.
After a couple of hours, we wrap things up, and I head out. We’ve got church tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll start putting things into motion. Time to be an active participant in my own fucking life.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Do you know you peel the label off of every beer you have at the bar, but at home, you never do. What the fuck is the difference?
~Text from Erik to Grant
Grant
