I don’t know. How could he suddenly fuck up? Let’s think about it.
How about we don’t. It will all be fine. Shit. I have my contacts in, right?
You better hope they are. Imagine all those people staring at the coke-bottle-geek on stage.
I rush to the mirror to check. Yep, I’ve got them in. Hair is in place. Clothes are what the stylist gave me—nondescript to blend into the background. Raina is always the star of the show. We’re simply here to back her up. It’s one plus side that helps alleviate some of the nerves.
You could still trip over a wire, though. Imagine falling on your face, your guitar goes skittering across the stage and you trip Raina, making her break a bone. Nobody would forgive you…
Ugh, fuck the stupid thoughts running through my head. I sit on the couch again and rest my forehead in my hands. My fingers thread through my hair, tugging on the ends.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
It doesn’t help. My nerves are too jittery to settle. They ping back and forth, incapable of being contained, until my leg starts to jostle up and down. It shakes my head uncomfortably, but maybe it’ll keep the thoughts from taking hold.
A hand unexpectedly lands on my leg, the pressure making it clear they’re trying to keep me from moving. With a sigh, I lift my head and stare at Nash. He gives me a smile that instantly tells me exactly what he’s thinking before he can even voice it.
“You know what could distract you…” he trails off, leaving the rest for me to fill in.
“Not right now, Nash,” I practically growl with my frustration. He does this all the time, hell he did it before our audition withRaina. He’s done it so often that I can’t tell if he’s serious or simply doing it to distract me.
His tactics work so well that I don’t notice Raina until she’s standing in front of me, pushing her way between my legs, so I’m forced to sit back against the cushion behind me. She takes advantage of the space and plops onto my lap.
My hands instinctively snake around her waist, and I draw her close to me as her arm goes around my neck. “What’s going on, handsome?”
Her fingers trail along my hairline in a tender caress that I want to sink into. I could get lost in her any day of the week. “Stage fright. Anxiety. Take your pick.”
Raina hums, a sound of companionable understanding.
“Dude, you have nothing to worry about. You’ve performed in front of people plenty of times before. This is no different.” It’s something Nash has said in the past, but words simply can’t make it go away like he thinks.
“This is drastically different, and you know it. Tristan isn’t even here.” Nash opens his mouth to speak again, but I continue talking before he can cut me off, “And before you say he wasn’t here for the last show, I know that. It doesn’t make anything better.”
“You have the rest of us, though. You auditioned in front of Raina and made it through that. She’s the most important audience we’ve ever had.” He gives her a saucy grin, and my girl lets out a pleased little sound. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even realize she does it either.
I let out a sigh and shake my head, trying to put it into words. “My soul belongs to music, but the performing… I did it for Tristan. He’s the reason I’ve always pushed through the nerves, because he’s always wanted it so fucking bad.”
As much as he was infuriating me, I mourn his absence. It’s like missing an important part of the group. We’re not complete without him. Not having any answers is slowly killing me.
“Do you enjoy it once you’re on the stage?”
I meet Raina’s gaze and pause to think through the answer. There’s a special kind of thrill I get when I’m on stage with her, watching her perform as I play, the cheers of her fans. “Once I play the first note, my mind settles and it’s all about the music. But until then, I can’t stop myself from thinking about all the worst-case scenarios.”
Raina blows out a relieved breath. “I was worried you might not like it at all. I’d hate to think performing with me was torture.”
The urge to flinch is almost too much to overcome. I didn’t mean to make her think that. “Playing with you is everything, Raina. I wouldn’t trade it in for anything, not even getting to avoid feeling like this.”
Telling her isn’t enough; I need to show her. I cup the side of her face and draw her to me until my lips brush across hers. “I love playing for you, it’s my favorite way to spend time with you.”
Her lips curl into a smile. “That might be true for now, but I can think of a few things that could knock it down from number one.”
Of course my mind instantly fills in her meaning, even without her spelling it out. The pounding of my heart accelerates until I question if it’s possible it could simply beat right out of my chest. My head becomes light and a buzzing rings in my ears.
I suppose the two of them have accomplished their goal, I’m no longer fixated on my stage fright, but now they’ve triggered my anxiety in a whole new way.
“Hey,” Raina says softly, her coy smile dropping from her face. She runs her nails along the small hairs at the base of my neck in a soothing motion. “What’s wrong?”
I’m not sure what tipped her off, perhaps it’s the way my breathing has sped up like I’m about to hyperventilate, or maybe it’s the way I’ve flinched away from her slightly without meaning to.
