I know he is, but I’m struggling to rewire over a decade of protective tendencies. The idea of putting myself out there completely, telling Wes how I really feel, terrifies me.
I’ve been standing in the middle of my room unmoving for at least five minutes now, his hoodie still in my hands. I finally pull it over my head, letting the comfort of his scent engulf me. I lift my phone off the bed and pull up our text thread. There have beentwo messages since I walked away yesterday—the first came through shortly after I left and the second came through a couple hours ago.
Wes
Take all the time you need. I’ll be here if you need me.
Grey, I’m really trying here, but I’m worried about you. Please don’t shut me out. I miss you. My apartment doesn’t feel right without you in it.
My heart seized when those words came through on my walk to dinner. I’ve repeated them an unhinged number of times in my head. So, when I hear a sound through the wall of his apartment, I can’t stop my feet.
He says he misses me, that his apartment doesn’t feel right without me. Well, same here.
I’m out my door and standing on the other side of his in the next breath.
Can I just walk in? Do I deserve that privilege after ignoring his attempts to help? I don’t know, but I slip my hand around the handle anyway. I just have to hope he’ll forgive me for running scared.
I know he’s here, but when I get through the door, I don’t see him. Everything is exactly as I left it yesterday. It makes me smile to see one of my blankets haphazardly strewn on the couch next to his Kindle, like he was snuggled under it just a minute ago.
His voice draws me toward his bedroom. “Yeah, I was already thinking I’d apply for the airlines. That’s the easiest possible transition.”
The airlines? Transition to what? Oh my god, is he—is he leaving?
“I didn’t want to leave you high and dry, but it sounds like the timing might actually work out well for both of us.” His words freeze me in place. Who is he leaving high and dry? “That’s an amazing offer you got. I’ll really miss working for you though.”
No. I let out a shaky breath. I’m only a few steps from him, but it feels like an insurmountable distance. I’m frozen. Unable to move, unable to speak, as my heart cracks in my chest.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll call you tomorrow and—”
Wes swings the door open only to find me on the other side, eavesdropping. I can’t even pretend that I wasn’t. Shock flits across his face, but it’s instantly replaced with relief.
His thumb hits the end button, effectively hanging up on Breck, before he slips his phone into his pocket. His hands reach for me, but I flinch away, pain searing through me as his words echo through my head. But he doesn’t stop, not until his thumbs coast down my cheeks and I realize they’re wiping away tears.
“Joss? Sweetheart, what happened?”
I yank out of his grip. How can he ask me that? How can he call me sweetheart when he was just talking about leaving like it was a foregone conclusion?
I do what I do best. Run.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Wes
“Joss, wait!” I charge after her, but she spins on her heel to face me, hurt and anger radiating off of her. We nearly collide as I try to stop my forward momentum. The look on her face could derail a freight train. Fuck, what happened?
“Who areyouto tell me not to run? Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing?” she spits, pushing a finger into my chest.
“What? No, what are you talking about?”
“I heard you, Wes! Just now, on the phone with Breck. He’s selling Adventure Chasers, right? You’re going to leave and get a job at an airline.”
Her face crumples, tears falling in earnest, arms wrapping around her middle. Dammit, I can see the conclusions she’s drawn from what she overheard, and it physically hurts that she thinks so littleof me. Like I could just up and leave her without a second thought, without a conversation.
“Joss, please. Look at me.” I’m begging her, my heart breaking with every tear. Her trust is so fragile, and she looks more broken now than she did yesterday. “Joss, the sale will take months, getting a new job will take months. Neither of those things are happening right away. I’m not—”
“You’re not what, Wes?” She cuts me off, and I have to rake my hands through my hair to rein in the frustration that she won’t let me finish, won’t let me explain. “Leavingyet? Oh, we’ve got months, right? Well, I don’t wantmonthswith you. That’s what I came over here to tell you. I-I’m such an idiot. The last few days have been purely pretend to you. You were always going to leave, and I was stupid enough to fall in love with you anyway.”
Everything stops. It’s like the whole world has fallen away. There’s no sound. Not even the rasp of Joss’s breathing permeates the space. Her eyes are wide and terrified, the words dangling in the space between us. I stagger back a step, like they carried a physical blow when they hit me square in the chest.
