He huffs out a sigh but looks pleased as he rolls out more dough on the floured surface of the butcher block. “Well, just don’t expect me to clean it up.”
I bark a laugh because his attitude is all me, and I can’t even fault him for it.
Angus and Aileen went to bed hours ago, and I haven’t seen Jamie much today—I haven’t seen him much since our little chat on the swing two days ago. I’m not sure whether he’s working on his book, avoiding me, or if he’s just trying to give me space.
“Ready to put those ones in?” I ask, reaching for the tray Lennox has been placing the rolled dough onto.
“Yeah.” He slides it toward me.
“Thanks, bud. And thank you for how good you’ve been about my work schedule this week. I’m sure it’s not a lot of fun for you.”
He shrugs. He’s had schoolwork to do and I’ve seen him a couple times with either Angus or Aileen looking over his shoulder while he worked. He even had Jamie looking at something yesterday in the parlor when I went out to check on him.
I spent five minutes creepily watching them from afar and wondering… Wondering how they’ll both feel once they know who the other is. Wondering just how angry they’ll be with me for keeping it from them. But I wanted to protect them—I did itforthem… or at least that’s what I’ve spent the entirety of Lennox’s life telling myself.
“It hasn’t been that bad. Aileen offered to walk with me into town tomorrow and show me around a little. That’s okay, right? I can go?”
“Of course, Lennox. If anyone knows the fun places in Cluaran to show you, it’s Aileen… well, and Angus, but I’m guessing a walk might be a bit much for him.”
He sticks pretty close to the desk in the kitchen or the cottage, and even small trips between them tend to leave him out of breath. I should offer to take him into town next week on my day off, to spend a little one-on-one time with him.
The idea of losing him feels like a physical weight in my soul, and I don’t want to miss out on this time now that I have him in my life again. My heart is even heavier for Lennox, who is just getting to know Angus—his great-grandfather—and the idea of that loss for him makes my eyes prick with tears.
“Aileen said we could bring him back a treat.” Lennox moves around the kitchen, looking in the drawers and cabinets, curiosity his constant companion.
“That sounds like a good idea. So, you’re enjoying being here?” I ask, hoping he really is excited for this move and will be happy here. Happier than he is in Glasgow.
“I wish I didn’t have to go back this weekend,” he says, deflating against the counter. “Couldn’t I just stay?”
I sling an arm around his shoulders and pull him into my side. Goodness, I feel like he’s grown another inch somehow. “I wish you could, but you’ve got to go and finish the school year. It’s only a few more weeks.”
He sags against me with a frail nod. I press my lips to the top of his head and squeeze him tighter. “I miss you, Mum.”
“I miss you too,” I whisper.
The buzzer of the oven pulls us apart and I have to nearly restrain Lennox to stop him from grabbing a melty, gooey chocolate biscuit straight from the tray. “Give it a second to cool, will you?” I roll my eyes with a laugh and he pouts, long lashes framing his emerald irises.
“I’ll clean up and we can put these on a plate to take home, aye?”
“I hope you don’t plan to take them all home with you.” Jamie’s voice comes from the door and I whirl to see him standing there in a pair of light grey joggers and a navy hoodie. It has a white willow tree printed on the front with a branch drawn down one sleeve. His hair is damp, framing his face like he ran his fingers through it moments before pushing into the kitchen, and his wire-rimmed glasses are perched against the bridge of his nose.
“We can share, right?” Lennox asks, and all of the sadness about school and going home are gone in a flash.
“Of course, bud.” I turn to Jamie. “Want one now?”
The look Lennox gives me could make a bear cower. “Mum! You said I had to wait for them to cool.” He’s incredulous, and I release a bark of a laugh. Jamie chuckles from across the kitchen too. ThenLennox joins in and there’s a symphony in the sound, the three of us laughing together. It feels easy, normal, domestic… The way a family would sound laughing together in the kitchen over late-night biscuits.
The heaviness in my chest now creates a different kind of ache. A longing for something I’ve never let myself imagine.
“I’ll wait for them to cool. Nox, you want to help me give the lobby a quick once-over to make sure everything is squared away for the night while your mum cleans up her mess?” Jamie gives me a pointed look, one eyebrow raised and a smirk on his lips, then flicks his gaze to the flour spread around the prep station. I probably have a good bit on myself as well.
“Aye, okay.” And in a flash, Lennox is on his way out the door past Jamie, who follows behind him.
He turns at the last second, his gaze raking down my body then back up to my face. Every part of me warms under that look, especially when it settles on my mouth. “You’ve got a little something… right there—” He swipes his thumb along his bottom lip, then he walks out in pursuit of my son… his son.
My tongue darts out and tastes the flour there, part of me wishing it could have been Jamie’s tongue to swipe it away.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
