“You too.”
The call disconnects and I give myself a few more minutes to just lie there in the car, wondering what I should do now. Get off this ferry and drive—where to, I have no idea—or turn around at the other end, get right back on, and go home to figure this out?
Home.
I think that’s my answer. America has been my home for a long time—it still is in so many ways—but Skye has always been home. The Thistle & Tartan, Gran and Grandad, Avi… they’ve always been home. Nox. He’s part of that now too.
I don’t know what that means, how it will work, or what it’ll look like, but right now I wish I could turn this ferry around myself and head straight back to where I just left. If nothing else, I think that’s a good sign.
I spend the rest of the crossing to the Mallaig terminal getting lost in my thoughts—in the what-ifs and the what-the-hells. After I drive off and pull a U-turn, I decide to get out and take in the fresh air on the upper deck. The rain has stopped and with it comes the clarity of a sunny, blue-sky day. Maybe I can find that same clarity if I sit up here and soak it in.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Avonlea – Now
The gravel bites into my knees through my leggings, but I don’t care. Rain falls in sheets around me and I don’t care about that either. I’m wet and cold, but it’s nothing to the icy feeling in my gut.
What have I done?
“Avonlea?” Angus’s voice comes from behind me, and the next thing I see is his cane laid next to me so he can bend to wrap me in his arms. “Come now, m’eudail, up you come.”
He slowly helps me stand, bending cautiously for his cane before wrapping an arm around my waist and guiding me into their cottage. He shouldn’t be in the rain. He shouldn’t be overexerting himself to help me. Yet here he is—the strength I don’t havefor myself right now.
I slip onto a stool by the kitchen island and blow out a breath, heavy and stilted, then wipe at my face that’s streaked with rain and tears. “Jamie knows about Lennox. I don’t know how he figured it out. He didn’t say. He just asked if Lennox was his. I’ve never seen him so upset.” I look at the man who has been more than a friend to me. He’s been a grandfather, a mentor, and I beg him with my soul to give me an answer to my next question. I need his wisdom more than anything. “What do I do now?”
He shakes his head, the corners of his mouth turning down, and I know he won’t have the answers I need. “I don’t know, love. Besides talking to him, getting everything out in the open, there isn’t much you can do. He’s had a shock, and I don’t know how he’ll react. It may take him a while to figure that out for himself.”
“But Lennox… What about him? Does he know?” Oh god, I should’ve asked more questions about how Jamie figured it out. Is Lennox somewhere in the inn just as upset and confused as Jamie is right now? I spring to my feet, ready to run to him, but Angus’s hand on my arm steadies me.
“I don’t think he does. He’s with Aileen. He’s a little confused about why Jamie took off like he did, but he’s okay. Aileen will stay with him. I think she’s got him playing a board game at the moment.”
I relax back onto the stool and drop my head onto my arms, resting them on the counter.
“Give yourself some time to think, lass. Don’t get ahead of yourself. First you should probably talk to Jamie—when he gets back from wherever he went.”
A terrible thought hits me and I lift my head to look at Angus. “What if he doesn’t come back?”
“He will.” Angus is so sure of his grandson. I want to have that same level of faith, but I’ve been on the receiving end of Jamie walking away before. “He’s not the same boy he was,” he says, and I’m reminded of the fact that Jamie walked away from them too. “Talk to him. Tell him everything. Then you figure out how to tell Lennox. And we’ll be here, Aileen and me. We’re here, okay?”
My face falls, the gratitude and the hurt and all of it mixing together into a mess of emotions I’ll never be able to figure out. “I shouldn’t have put you in the middle. I’m so sorry. What if—”
“Avonlea,” he says in his gentle voice, one that instantly helps me feel calmer. “We’re here for youall. Jamie, you,andLennox. Yes, that might be a bit tricky for a while, but you areallfamily. It will work out, you’ll see.”
God, I wish I had his confidence.
I nod and attempt to steady my breathing. “Okay. Thanks, Angus.”
He embraces me then, wrapping me in his arms like I’m a child, and lets me cry into his shoulder until the tears run out and I have nothing left.
“You keep a change of clothes in the kitchen, don’t ye? In the drawer of the desk?” Angus asks, and I sniffle, looking at him through what I’m sure are very puffy eyes.
“Aye?” I ask.
“I’ll go get them. Why don’t you stay here, take a shower, get changed. When Jamie gets back, you two can talk here where it’s private.”
“What about the lunch service… And Lennox?”
“I’ll tag Hamish in and help if they need it,” he states, and I open my mouth to protest but he pushes a finger against my lips. “I can help plate or something easy. Relax, lass. And Aileen can keep Lennox company. It’ll be fine. Stay, take some time to think. Talk to Jamie. I promise he’ll be back before you know it.”
