Avi’s porch steps.
I want to be close to her when I tell my parents about Lennox—even if she’s not here.
“Oh stop apologizing,” she chides lovingly, bringing a smile to my face and a pang to my heart. I miss her. I miss them. “Was there a reason for this particular wake-up call? Not that you ever need a reason to call us.”
I sink down on the top step and stretch my legs out long in front of me.
Here we go. This is about to become a lot more real.
“I have some news.” I work to keep my voice even, but as the words begin to bubble up toward the surface, I can feel it waver. How do I say this? “I—god, I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Jamie…” Mum’s voice rises an octave, and I know I’m making it worse by dragging it out.
Rip it off like a bandage, she always said, so that’s what I do.
“Lennox, Avi’s son, is… well, he’s mine. He’s my son.” I say the words so fast I’m afraid they might not have caught them. “And I know that’s not what you were expecting and you’re going to have a lot of questions but—”
Dad cuts me off. “Jamie, stop worrying about us. Areyouokay?”
I move my feet to the bottom step so I can rest my elbows on my knees. “Still kind of in shock. But I’m alright.”
“How long have you known?” Mum asks, her voice still too high.
“A couple days,” I say with a wince. I’m sure they’ll be mad I didn’t tell them immediately.
“Bloody hell, that’s quite the news. Did you tell your grandparents?” Dad asks.
I don’t want to throw Gran and Grandad under the bus, but with all the lies and deception going around, I don’t want toperpetuate that habit. “They’ve known for a while—but before you get mad, just know they had their reasons and—”
“They knew?!” Mum shouts, incredulous.
“Maeve…” Dad says at the same time I say, “Mum, please…”
“And Avi, she obviously knew all this time. Isn’t Lennox ten years old?” she continues, not heeding our warning tones for even a moment.
“Yes, he’s ten. And, yes, they all knew. Though Gran and Grandad have only known for about a year,” I explain, and Mum harrumphs in her throat. I almost laugh because it’s such a Scottish noise and it’s one I haven’t heard from her in a long time. “I understand you being upset. I was too, but none of us can change what happened in the past. She had her reasons as well… It’s all very complicated.”
“It sounds like it,” Dad says, and I can’t read his reactions over the phone like I can when I’m with him in person. He’s always been a pretty stoic man. “And Lennox… Does he know?”
I blow out a breath and lift my eyes to look out at the loch across the way from Avi’s cottage. “He does now. He’s—” I don’t know what to say. How do you explain to your parents how it felt to meet your son for the first time? “He’s a great kid. Avi’s done an amazing job with him. He—he actually reminds me a lot of myself at that age.”
My throat stings, and there’s a pinching pain behind my eyes and in my nose. Gah, I don’t want to cry on the phone with my parents about this. I don’t want to cry about it at all. But god, I have a son, and I’ve missed so much, and now that I know some things about him, I just wantmore.
“You’re truly doing okay, Jamie?” Mum’s voice has gentled, all her concern for me laced into each and every word.
“It’s a lot, but I’m wrapping my head around it.”
“You have a son,” she says, like she’s testing the words and finding them just as foreign as I did the first time I said them.
“I do,” I respond, relaxing further into that truth the more I hear it and say it myself. “You guys have a grandson.”
She laughs, but it’s watery—she’s definitely crying.
“Och, mo chridhe,” Dad lovingly admonishes her. “A grandson.” There’s a different kind of wonder in his voice. “So, what happens now, Jameson?” he asks, and it brings me up short.
“That’s a great question. Any advice?”
He barks a laugh. “Unfortunately, this isn’t a scenario I’ve ever been through. But you’ve loved that girl for most of your life, maybe it’s time you stopped running from that and try embracing it instead.”
