Wait… what? “What are you talking about?” I ask in disbelief.
“Jamie, you might not have told us what happened between you two all those years ago, but we’ve watched you pursue nothing but casual relationships ever since… It wasn’t hard to put it together.”
“We’re your parents. You didn’t have to tell us for us to know,” Mum tacks on.
“But…” I want to ask for more about what they knew,howthey knew, but this isn’t the time. “Never mind. I still don’t know how we move forward.”
“With one step at a time,” she says, and her voice sounds watery again, though I think it’s with a different kind of tears.
“One step at a time,” I repeat. “Yeah, I think I can do that.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Avonlea – Now
The five-hour drive back to Skye wasn’t enough to figure out how to make all of this okay.
I think Lennox and I are alright now, considering we had the same hours-long drive yesterday to hash things out. There was yelling on his part, tears from us both, and finally some level of acceptance.
The biggest question at the end of the day, whispered across his pillow while I tucked him in last night, was whether or not Jamie is going back to America or if he’ll stay in Scotland. It’s a question I don’t know the answer to. His time here was supposed to be temporary—a year at most. Two of those twelve months have already passed… So what happens at the end?
This was part of how I justified my decision to keep this to myself. I know what it feels like to be left by Jameson Murray, and I don’t want that for Lennox. I don’t want it for me again either.
I don’t want to hope he’ll stay for us—for me.
But I think I’m already lost to that hope.
And seeing him on my front porch when I pull up to the cottage only raises them. Even if it’s just as likely he’s here to dash them instead.
He’s sitting on the top step. Green boots planted a few steps below, a cake of mud around the soles. His dark jeans are tucked into the boots and his classic white tee hugs his shoulders and chest. His forearms are propped on his knees and his hair is tousled, eyes hiding behind his glasses.
I park and swallow a breath that feels too thick before pushing the door open. Before I step out, I reach to the passenger seat and grab my red wellies, sliding them on because there was no driving in them.
The gravel crunches under my feet, taking me closer to the man who holds so much of my future in his hands.
His chin dips, perusing me as I walk. From my boots to my bare legs. The denim shorts and my white flowy top that’s tucked into them. It was warm in Glasgow this morning, but there’s a bit of a chill here, and goose bumps break out across my exposed thighs.
When his gaze finally meets mine, there’s a warmth—a heat—in his eyes that makes me blush. Those green eyes. I swear I’ve always been able to feel them when they’re on me. I feared I’d never feel their focus on me the same way again.
“How long have you been waiting here?” I ask, my voice high thanks to my nerves.
“A little while.” He holds his hand out to the side, silently asking me to sit. So I do, keeping a few inches between us. Afraid if we touch, the conversation might not happen. “I wanted to be here when you got home.”
Why does that make my heart beat erratically in my chest?
“Do you want to go inside to talk?” I ask him, squeezing my hands in my lap to keep them from shaking.
“I thought maybe we could take a walk, if you want.” He nods toward the lane.
“I’ve been sitting in that car for hours. A walk sounds good.”
He pushes off the step to stand, his fingers brushing against mine, and it’s enough to electrify my entire body. How he manages to have such an effect on me after all this time, I’ll never understand.
“Avi?” he asks, and I glance up to find that same hand extended toward me, a grin around his lips that brightens his irises to match the greenery around us.
I slip my fingers into his and he trails his thumb over the top of my hand before he pulls me up. There’s something about this casual Jamie that reminds me so much of the boy I knew.
Is he still in there—that boy I fell in love with? I’ve glimpsed him under this new manly exterior, but he’s so different. I know I’m different too.
