I looked down at my plate and moved around the now cold food. “I appreciate that.”
“Ford?” my mom called my name quietly. “I can only imagine how horrible seeing him again was, but I’m also worried that you immediately turned to drinking to numb the pain you were feeling.”
Her words caused tears to well up in my eyes. Ending up in the hospital the night before had freaked me out a bit, and I didn’t want to go back to the dark space I had been in when my parents had come to visit me in London. “I understand that wasn’t the greatest choice, and I understand why you’d be concerned about that. When I woke up, they sent a mental health clinician in to speak with me, and she recommended I make an appointment with a therapist.”
“Are you going to?” Mom asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, I have an appointment on Monday. Honestly, I’ve tried to handle the Tim stuff on my own for too long. It would probably be helpful to talk to someone so I can start to heal from everything.”
Dad wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “I think that’s a good idea, Son. You deserve to live a life of happiness without this hanging over you.”
I closed my eyes and soaked up the love my parents continued to show me. With their support and professional help, maybe one day I’d feel as though I could truly leave my past behind me.
Later that night,as I lay in bed, emotionally exhausted from the day, I remembered something I needed to do. I pulled up The Click app and went to my messages so I could send one to Jacob. He at least deserved an apology for leaving him without explanation.
FenwayFlirt: Hey Jacob! I wanted to apologize for running off last night. I had a good time on our date. Sorry it ended the way it did
I thought about asking him if we could have a redo, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go out with him again. We’d had fun, and he was a nice enough guy, but I worried that seeing him would bring back memories of the encounter with Tim. It wasn’t fair to Jacob, but it was an unfortunate reality of the situation.
Several minutes passed without a response, even though the dot next to his username was green, indicating he was online.
When I woke the following day, I still hadn’t heard anything. Between that date ending the way it had and knowing I needed to focus on myself, I deleted the app.
5
COOP
The deafening cheersof the Carolina crowd and rock music vibrated through the arena as I glided onto the ice a few days later. We were on a two-game road trip and the first was against the Hurricanes.
Despite how practice had gone, I felt good. Even though I hadn’t seen Ford and hadn’t spoken to him except for a few texts, I felt as though my head was finally back in hockey mode. My good mood was also because the burden of keeping my sexuality a secret from my teammates had been slightly lifted. While I’d only opened up to my close friends, and not the entire team, having the support of those friends made me feel a lot better.
I won the puck drop, and Butcher and Sexton flanked me as we moved into Carolina’s zone. Nyström and Orlov hung back at the blue line, and I passed the puck to Butcher. We sent it back and forth between us a few times, trying to make something happen.
I tried dodging and weaving through the Hurricanes’ defensive line to get open for a clear shot on the net, but they were on me right away. We kept sending the puck around, avoiding turning it over to Carolina all the while their goalie tracked our every move.
With a swift deke, I maneuvered past a defenseman, creating a scoring opportunity. Butcher had the puck, and he sent it my way. As it hit my stick, I unleashed a powerful wrist shot. The goalie reacted, but the puck sailed past him and straight into the net.
My teammates quickly skated over to me, offering quick pats on the back and tapping our helmets together. It always felt good to score a goal, especially one within minutes of the game starting.
With the momentum on our side, we headed back to our positions for the next faceoff. The early goal fueled our determination to keep the pressure on, and as the game progressed, the intensity on the ice only heightened. Carolina was hungry for a comeback, and their fans were rallying behind them. Every play became a battlefield, with both teams fighting tooth and nail for control of the puck.
I found myself in the thick of it when our line was on the ice, weaving through defenders, making quick passes, and taking shots on goal. The chemistry between Butcher, Sexton, and me was undeniable, and we continued to create opportunities that kept the Hurricanes on their toes.
When the second period rolled around, the Hurricanes managed to get a slick shot past our goalie. The game was now tied, and the intensity increased. The crowd’s roars reverberated through the arena as both teams fought fiercely for the lead, but the score remained tied.
With minutes left in the third, the tension reached its peak. The score was still tied, and both teams were pushing their limits. As the clock ticked down, I could feel the pressure of the game resting on our shoulders.
Just as a Hurricane sent the puck down the ice, Sexton intercepted it and made a break. We skated after him but before we got into position, he unleashed a bullet of a shot. The puck flew past their goalie and into the back of the net.
All of us came together, with cheers that we pulled ahead by one with seconds left on the clock.
We skated off the ice as another line took the faceoff and they held on for the victory. The final buzzer sounded, and our team celebrated on the ice before we made our way through the visitor’s tunnel.
When we walked into the locker room, I went straight for my locker, grabbing my phone and seeing if I had any missed texts or calls. I was hoping I’d have one from Ford, telling me he watched the game and saw us win, but there was nothing from him. Instead, I had several notifications from The Click app, but I opened none of them.
“All right, gentlemen.” Coach walked into the room. “Good game tonight. We have an early flight, so curfew is enforced. Get some much-needed rest and see you all bright and early.”
I put my phone back, showered, dressed in my suit, and then headed to the bus.
