I should despise them, not desire them.
With Novak, it was like nothing had changed, aside from his hardened spirit and darkened wings.
And with Layla, my sweet, charming, stunning Layla… I didn’t want her any less than I had years ago. I only wanted her more.
So. Much. More.
“Auric,” she whispered, her nostrils flaring. “Say something.”
I couldn’t.
I didn’t trust myself to speak.
“You’ll never accept me, will you?” she asked, her voice cracking as she spoke. “Not like this. And not like that, either. As a Nora, I’m superior and untouchable. As a Noir, I’m despicable and unworthy. There’s no form I can take that will satisfy you, is there?”
I stared at her, uncertain of how to reply to that. When had this become about my acceptance and desires? Clearly, I wanted her. I’d always wanted her. But I couldn’t have her. She was forbidden, even in this form.
“Perhaps that’s my biggest sin,” she continued, her voice a hush of sound. “Loving you. I shouldn’t, I know. But I… I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to stop. The dukedom… the suitors… they’ll never compare. Not after this. Not after knowing you. Not after knowing Novak, either.”
She took another step away from me, her back meeting the wall beside the table. She slid down it to sit on the floor, her eyes on her drawn-up knees.
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to reform here,” she whispered. “I’ll never regret rejecting them. They weren’t worthy, despite being within my station. But maybe I was never destined for them. What rule says I have to mate within the dukedom? Propriety? My father?”
Her head fell to her knees as she wrapped her arms around her shins.
“I refuse. That’s not what I want.They’renot who I want. And if that’s worthy of a Fall, then maybe I was never meant to be queen.”
“Layla,” I said, her name coming out on a choke of a sound. “You can’t mean that.”
“Why can’t I?” she asked, her sad eyes lifting to mine. “Because it doesn’t suit your image of me? The precious little princess incapable of sin?” She gave me a sad smile. “I’m not sure I want to live on a pedestal, Auric. What sort of existence would that be?”
27
Layla
Auric never replied.Not that I really expected him to. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted him to say.
Was reform even possible? I didn’t know anyone who had succeeded in the process. But I also hadn’t known anyone who’d Fallen either.
However, I’d lived my life believing that Noir were vile beings who committed wicked sins and possessed no positive regard for the well-being of others. Upon first glance, that might be true. But for as lethal as Novak could be, he had yet to exude any of the qualities I would have expected of him.
He made his desire for me clear but never pushed it.
He listened when I spoke.
He protected me.
He even helped Auric in his own way.
Thirty-seven years, I marveled.Thirty-seven years trying to reform.
Because of a disobeyed order? That seemed a bit overkill. But apparently, I’d Fallen due to disrespecting my suitors. There truly wasn’t anything else it could be. It was the first time I’d really disobeyed my father, and even then, it hadn’t been much.
I’d hid.
After ripping up my schedule.
But seriously, how was that enough for me to Fall?
