Calvin was silent for too long. Eventually, he said, “I shouldn’t have initiated anything. I’m sorry.”
“You can’t just apologize after all of this! Are you fucking nuts?”
I watched the muscle in his jaw tighten. “I need to go, Sebastian.”
“Screw you,” I answered.
He didn’t respond, which was nice, because I might have throttled him if he had.
Chapter Nine
NEIL CALLEDme in the afternoon, waking me up from an anger-, contempt-, and painkiller-induced sleep. “Seb?”
“What?” I grumbled, pulling the blankets up over my head.
“Are you still at the hospital?”
“No, I’m home.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
I was quiet.
Neil deserved to know. Calvin was right. I couldn’t forgive him for the fight we had had and fail to mention I had sex with another man in the bed we shared together. I covered my eyes with my hand, taking a deep breath. I had to man up and be honest about this—us. Dragging us both along in a relationship that my heart and mind could no longer commit to wasn’t fair to Neil, and it wasn’t fair to myself.
And it wasn’t so I could have Calvin. It was stupid to want to be with him before I’d even nailed the coffin lid closed on this dead romance with Neil. I’d been with him for four years. I needed to breathe afterward.
Besides, Calvin didn’t want to date me. That was obvious.
It was just sex. Really, really incredible sex. Nothing more.
“Seb? Are you there?”
“Neil?” I asked, my voice surprisingly thick. “Can you come home? I—we need to talk.”
The silence on his end was overwhelming. He knew what I was thinking. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “I’ll be there soon.”
While I waited for Neil, I got dressed and heated a frozen pizza for lunch. Or dinner.
What time was it?
Screw it, I didn’t care.
I was on my third slice, sitting in front of the television, when the front door unlocked and Neil stepped inside.
“You didn’t change the locks” was the first thing he said, shutting the door.
“No.”
He pocketed his keys, glancing around. He was nervous.
So was I.
I set the plate on the couch and shut the television off, got up, and walked over to the table. “Can we sit and talk?”
Neil nodded, setting his bag and coat aside before joining me. “Seb,” he said quietly, reaching out for my hands.
It felt wrong to be touching Neil intimately, and I pulled my hands away. I had broken his trust by sleeping with Calvin, which, believe me, now that the lust had waned, I felt like utter shit about. Even more, though, it felt wrong for it to not be Calvin touching me.
