And that thought just made me… sad.
“I know what’s on your mind.”
I shook my head. “No, you don’t. Believe me.”
“Try me,” he said gently.
“I slept with Calvin.”
An awkward moment of silence.
“Calvin Winter?” he hesitated.
I nodded and looked up. “Yes.”
“You had sex with that shithead? He’s not even gay!”
“Yes, I think he is, and don’t call him that, Neil.”
“Are you—what the—Sebastian, what the hell!” he stood quickly. “When?”
“Today.”
“Today?” he echoed. “Where? Here? You fucked in our bed?”
“It’s technically my bed.”
“Oh, shut up! Don’t start being a smartass with me!”
I leaned back in my chair, looking up at Neil. “I’m sorry.”
“You think you can just apologize for letting some other guy slip his dick in you and I’m going to magically be okay with that?”
“No… I just wanted you to know. You have a right to.”
“And now what?” Neil asked. “You’re breaking up with me for him?”
I shook my head. I wasn’t going to start crying over this. Not now.Just get through it.“I think we should break up,” I agreed. “But I’m not going to date Calvin.”
“Oh thank God,” Neil retorted, loud and sarcastically.
“Neil, we’ve been a train wreck for six months. This isn’t all my fault.”
“You fucked around behind my back, Sebastian!”
“While we were on the verge of already ending it, Neil. Come on. I would have told you this yesterday at the hospital, but I couldn’t. I was just too out of it.”
“That doesn’t make it better!”
“I know, and I’m not looking to be excused for what I did. But this relationship has been dying for months.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, and it hurt like hell. “Neil, I don’t want us to force ourselves to stay together for the sake of having already managed four years. It’s not… the way it should be. I’m not happy. And I know, even if you don’t want to admit it, you’re not happy either.”
Neil was shaking his head as he eventually took a seat again. He rubbed his face and muttered around his hands, “You really want to end this?”
“Yes,” I said simply.
Neil was pissed. But he was also heartbroken.
So was I. It’s not easy saying good-bye to something like this, never easy to say farewell to years of commitment, but as I answered him, I felt a wave of relief.
