“No, you don’t wait and see how it goes. If you want to keep Gavin in your life, he has to know that. And it goes both ways. The only way a relationship survives the ups and downs is if both of you want it enough to fight for it.”
Her mom’s words stayed with her throughout the long, miserable day, and that’s how she came to have her phone in her hand later that afternoon.Can we talk?
The response took a few minutes, and they felt like the longest minutes of Cait’s life.
I’m home. Or I can meet you somewhere.
I’ll come there.
Whenever you’re ready. I’ll be here.
By the time he’d buzzed her up to his apartment, Cait’s stomach was tied into so many knots, she was surprised she could stand up straight. And when he opened the door, all of those knots twisted.
He was wearing his favorite sweats—which were so worn, he probably couldn’t get away with wearing them out of the house—and an equally threadbare T-shirt that bore a faded and cracked logo from the fire academy. They were his comfort clothes, which let her know he’d had as miserable a night and day as she had.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said as he closed the door behind her. “All day I’ve been wondering if I should call, but I didn’t know if you’d answer.”
“I would have,” she said quietly. She didn’t know what to do with herself, so she finally pulled out a chair and sat at the table.
What she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms, but that wouldn’t be enough. She wanted them to beokayagain because while hugging him now might be a comfort, it was hugging him tomorrow and every day after that that mattered.
He pulled out the chair across from her and sat down, scrubbing his hands over his face before he spoke. “I’m sorry about last night.”
“Me, too.” She was twisting her fingers together, so she clasped her hands together and set them in her lap. “I did a lot of speaking before thinking and I shouldn’t have.”
“And I am sincerely sorry I told your mom I asked you to move in with me. It was stupid and I shouldn’t have done it. I should have let you tell her when you were ready.”
“Or when I thoughtshewas ready.” When he looked away, she knew she’d struck a nerve. “Oh, that’s right. You already decided she’s ready and that it’s me who’s not.”
“I’m not saying it won’t be an adjustment, for all of you. But I think you’re not even giving her a chance to make that adjustment. You’re just assuming she can’t hold things together without you.”
“You saw how it went last night.”
“And again, I saw a teenager have an attitude with his mother and she got upset. You can’t stop that from happening, and they need to figure out how to communicate with each other without you in between them. It’s not only wrong for you, but it’s not doing them any favors, either.”
Coming here so soon after the fight and on little sleep had been a bad idea, she thought. She didn’t want to hear any more of this. Knowing he’d been judging her, even blaming her for enabling the situation that was tearing them apart, was too much. But she knew if she walked out the door right now, she might never cross his threshold again.
“You’re always doing stuff for your family,” she said, very carefully keeping her voice calm. “How is that any different?”
“Because my family also does stuff forme.Yeah, I’m always there for them if they need me, but they’re also there if I need them. When’s the last time anybody was there foryou,Cait?”
“If I need one of them, they’ll be there for me.”
“You do need them. You need for them to tell you that they can handle living in a house together without you.” He ran his hand over his hair and she tried not to notice the way the cowlick refused to stay down. “Family’s supposed to be a give-and-take thing but when it comes to yours, I see a whole lot of taking from you and not much in the way of giving, because you’ve made it a pattern.”
“So is it them or is it me? Make up your mind.”
“It’s not that simple. No, she’s not coping with things like she could be, either. She doesn’thaveto, Cait, because you do it for her and you can’t see that she doesn’t need you to.”
“This was a mistake.” She stood up and so did he, but he didn’t move around the table toward her. “It doesn’t matter how much we talk about this, we’re not going to agree.”
“I’m not trying to make you choose between your family and me. I’m really not.”
“It’s not about you at all, Gavin.”
“No, it’s not about me. It’s aboutus.” He blew out a breath. “I don’t think your family situation has changed much since we first got together and I...I want us to move forward together and I don’t think you can do that right now. And based on how hard you’re pushing back at me, I don’t know if you will be anytime soon.”
Her skin prickled with heat as she heard what he didn’t say.And I don’t know if I can wait.
