“Thor and Loki. Meant to be.” Morgan clapped his hands together. “Although… Loki’s the foster uncle of Thor. Awkward,” he said, dragging out that last word until we were all grinning.
I rolled my eyes and nudged his shoulder. “You and your research. You haven’t changed a bit.”
He laughed. “It comes with the love of history. It’s all about research, my friend.”
“I know. I remember.”
He’d always been interested in history, ever since he was old enough to watch historical movies. While I wanted to watch superheroes and modern action movies, he’d always preferred ones about Spartacus, Jack the Ripper, and the Civil War. As long as it was in the past, later than a hundred years, he was intrigued. He’d enjoyed history class the most in high school.
“Did you end up studying history in college?” Having to ask the question made my stomach turn. I’d made it my purpose to avoid my past, including the friends who were still alive. He’d kept tabs on me, yet I’d made a point of forgetting he existed.
“Oh yeah.” Morgan laughed and fell back against the couch. “I’m a high school history teacher.”
“High school?” I gaped at him. “You hate high school kids. Always said they were immature.” And he’d said thatwhenhe was one of those kids.
His laughter doubled and he ran a hand over his face. “Yeah, I know, but you can’t do much around this town with a history degree. I don’t mind it. I have a son around that age.”
“A son?” I gaped at him. “Fuck off. How do you have a son that age?”
“He’s not biologically mine.” Love brushed over his face and his adoration for this boy made me smile. “I dated a guy when I was twenty-one. He was a little older than me, and we fell in love. At the time, he had full custody of his son, Sidney. His ex-wife was a drug addict and went to rehab, but she got out and decided she didn’t want a kid. So we raised him together.”
My mind spun. I didn’t even know Morgan was gay, too. How much had I missed out on by pretending he and the others didn’t exist?
“My partner, Kyle, died a few years back.” His face fell and he stared down at his hands, wringing them together. “He had a brain aneurysm.”
“Fuck. Morgan, I’m sorry.” I grabbed his shoulder and squeezed it, and he gave me a brave smile.
“That’s life. I miss him every day, but I needed to be strong for Sidney. I was his papa. So we weathered each day without Kyle together.” He shook his head and gave me one of those famous sunshine grins of his. “I didn’t mean to darken the mood. That’s how I have Sidney. I’ve raised him since he was a baby, and he’s my son for all intents and purposes. Maybe not by blood, but by heart.”
I leaned my elbows on my knees and dropped my head on my hand. “I should’ve called you, Morgs. I should have checked up on you. I didn’t even know you were gay, let alone you had a partner and son.”
“You should have,” he said, patting me on my bent back, close to the middle of my shoulders. “But I understand. You were going through something, a guilt I couldn’t begin to relate to. I wasn’t driving. But, Toby, it wasn’t your fault. This—” He waved at his thin legs and their stillness. “—isn’t your fault.”
“Isn’t it?” I stiffened. “You said it yourself. I was the one driving, you weren’t. You should blame me and hate me for paralyzing you.”
“Why?” Morgan cocked his head. “What does hate do other than make a person more miserable? What does blame do other than make a person hate someone they shouldn’t? I’m not that type of person. Neither is Cameron or Dana. They don’t blame you, either. Last I heard, Cameron’s married with three sweet girls. He lives in Spokane with his beautiful wife. Know how he met her?”
I shook my head.
“She was having physical rehab for a car accident when he was after ours. His knee started messing up and he went to get medical help. They met, fell in love, and had children. He would never have met her otherwise.”
“And Dana? She’s with Felix. How did that happen?” I sounded more bitter than I’d meant to.
He shrugged. “They bonded over grief and trauma. She loves him, Toby, and he loves her. Aunt Marion told me what happened at the diner. I wouldn’t let that upset you. Felix doesn’t know how to let go of Andy. They were very close, you know that. He’s holding onto pain and taking it out on you because he doesn’t know what else to do with it. He doesn’t mean what he says.” He grabbed my arm and dragged me to sit back against the couch again. “What I do know is that he loves Dana a lot. They have two kids. A boy and girl, with another on the way. We’re all living our lives, like you are. We’ve adapted and grown from that accident. So stop blaming yourself.”
“Daniel didn’t.” I gritted my jaw. “Mom told me about his marital issues. He asked her to contact me, to tell me he was sorry.”
Morgan’s gaze grew sorrowful and he laid his hand on my thigh. “Daniel suffered through his pain, like you did. Can I be honest?”
“Yeah.” The word was barely audible.
“I expected either you or Daniel to take your life. You were the ones I worried about. I contacted your mom because I was concerned, but Daniel….” He shook his head roughly, his hair bouncing. “He didn’t want help. I tried. We all did. But he didn’t want to see us. His guilt was a lot like yours. He couldn’t stand looking at us, so he made himself a hermit, locked away in his house like it was a prison. He’d convinced himself that’s what he deserved.”
“I never blamed him,” I said gruffly.
His laughter was sad. “Now you know how we feel aboutyou. Because we don’t blame you, either.”
I’d lived with the guilt for so long I didn’t know how to feel anything else, so when relief slid through me, warming my insides, it was like a whole new world opened up. I didn’t have to keep avoiding this place, running from the past. Even if I didn’t forgive myself, this town had mostly forgiven me. That meant something.
