Would I have left?
Honestly, I don’t know. For years I bargained with God and then with the Devil himself to bring Jenny back to me. Neither of them took the deal. I told myself it was because I wasn’t worthyenough for either Heaven or Hell to fight for me. I’m still not sure I am.
My gaze goes back to the piece of paper in my hand.
You never made me feel any less than or unloved, but I saw the ember you hid in your heart for her. Please don’t think this letter is to make you feel bad about that or to make an excuse for my choice. The heart wants what it wants … mine wanted you.
I didn’t hide your love from her, and she didn’t hide her love for you from me. We were very honest with each other, but she wasn’t in a good place, Raffe. She wanted to be alone. She wanted stillness. She needed healing. My hope is that she’s found it.
I saved her life because of her love for you and Jackson. It rivaled my own. I couldn’t let that die.
I’ll never regret loving you. You gave me the best life. Please don’t stop living yours.
Love always, Rachel
My head falls against the wall as Ray walks into the room.
“Come on. I’m still not leaving until you eat,” he says, pulling me to my feet.
My wife thought I’d abandon her. I wouldn’t have done that. She’s the woman who got me on my feet again. She saved my life.
I would never have betrayed her or Dirk in that way. I love them and their stupid mood ring eyes more than either of them will ever know.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jenny
Willow and Jackson laugh as they hold hands with my granddaughter, the three of them spinning in a circle together.
It makes my heart soar and ache in equal parts.
I wish I could have seen Jackson grow up. My fingers trace over the scar on my left arm. There’s no way that could have happened. I couldn’t even get myself into the shower back then.
Today has been the best day of my entire life.
My little granddaughter lifts her face to the sun, and we both smile. Her energy is infectious. It’s pure light.
Jackson turns, and I notice the line of his jaw. It reminds me of the senator. Somehow it looks different on my son. Instead of angry, it looks strong. It’s not intimidating, it’s mischievous. When it clenches, it means he’s deep in thought. Not of dark things, but of light. Right now, he’s looking at the roof of my shed. It’s about to fall in. I know he’s already formulating a plan to fix it.
It makes me chuckle. That’s where I see Raffe. I see him in his mannerisms and his disarming smile. I see it in the soft touches he gives his wife and daughter.
My heart twinges with longing.
The wind picks up, and an unfamiliar scent wafts over me. All day I’ve felt as if someone has been watching me. Now I’m certain of it.
I stand, my gaze scanning the trees.
“Hey, Mom, we’ve got to get going. Willow and Grandma will be up next week to help you with your canning.”
“I’m so excited!” my daughter-in-law says, jumping on the balls of her feet.
“Well, I appreciate the help. It will be nice to have some extra hands.”
Aspen wraps her arms around my legs, and I lower myself to her level. “Thank you for coming to play in my garden today. You kept my fairies very entertained,” I tell her.
She smiles at me like she understands every word. I give her a kiss on the forehead.
“I’ll be right behind you,” Jackson tells his wife as she chases Aspen down the path.
