“What can I do?” Florentia sighed. “Hudson knows how I feel, and if I know him half as well as I think, there will be no changing his mind.”
“So, that is it, then? You are giving up?”
“I am not giving up. I am simply accepting reality as it is presented.”
“Florentia, you cannot just bow your head and?—”
“No, Albina.” Florentia looked sharply at her friend. She appreciated Albina’s sympathy. She was grateful for her help. But she would not be treated like some ill-gotten fool who was seeking an easy way out.
“I am not going to beg. I am not going to chase. I did everything I could and more. I...” She firmed her wobbling chin. “I saw through Hudson’s quirks. I was patient with him like I never thought I could be. I was kind, caring, understanding—I was everything I needed to be! And if that is not enough, if he refuses to see it...”
She bared her teeth angrily. “Then there is nothing else to be done. The next move is his to make and if he refuses to make it...” She shook her head and looked away.
“You know he will not,” Albina said. “That man is even more stubborn than you are.”
“I suppose that it is then,” she said, doing what she could to sound as if she did not care. “This marriage was only ever meant to be one of convenience, and so it will remain.”
Florentia did not want to accept this as her fate. Oh, how she would have loved to have fought for her love. Sadly, she knew her husband as well as anyone, and she knew that to fight, to push, would only drive him away.
It was not meant to be this way. From when she was a little girl, all she had wanted was to marry and start a family. She had done everything right! She deserved this. But life was not fair, and this was a cold dose of reality she was beginning to become acquainted with.
All she could do now was wait and pray. Pray that Hudson would see reason. Pray that he would miss her as she missed him. Pray that the fates would force his hand and he would fight for her as she knew he was capable of doing. Pray that...pray that this was not the end.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Another week passed and it was much the same as the previous. Perhaps even worse, because with each rising of the new sun, Florentia would allow herself a sliver of hope, that dim belief that perhaps today would be the day that Hudson would come and see her, only for the sun to set and with it her hope, sinking so deep and into such dark places that she found herself praying the next day might not arrive because at least then she would not dare let herself wonder.
Of course, the following day would play out the same. Alone in her room, she would listen for the sound of Hudson leaving his bedroom. She would hear his footsteps echoing down the hall, always in the direction of her room. She would hold her breath as they came closer. She would brace herself, letting that hope back in. And then she would crash when the sounds continued past her doorway.
I am a fool to expect him to come to me. I know that I am. But the fact that I still wish for it as much as I do tells me all I need to know about my feelings.
This was even worse than the first month that she had been married. At least then, she hated her husband and did not waste time with the belief that things might change. Now, it was the wondering that killed her.
“You must go outside,” Albina implored her on the third day. She had come to visit, concerned for Florentia’s wellbeing. “A ride would do you the world of good.”
“There is nothing for me out there,” Florentia moaned, still in bed, with no energy to rise and bathe and dress for the day.
“What of the orangery that you had built? Have you even set foot in it?”
No, she had not. Funny to think that there had been a time when she had been excited to see its construction, believing that she might develop a passion for horticulture. But she had been hopeful then, thinking that there might be more to life than what she knew.
Now, she was not so naive. Her life was over, so why waste time on hobbies?
“I should have it torn down,” she sighed. “In fact, perhaps that is how I will spend my day.”
“At least it will get you out of the house,” Albina had grumbled.
Florentia knew she was being dramatic. And she knew that wallowing in self-pity would not give her answers. What was more, she was beginning to suspect that Albina had been right and that if she truly wished to change Hudson’s mind, then she was going to have to do something about it.
For that reason, after a full week of staying in her room and hoping for the best, she decided that it was time she stopped feeling sorry for herself and approached her husband once and for all. This, it turned out, was easier said than done.
She spent the morning bathing and dressing, the entire time fighting the nerves that flooded her entire being as if they were trying to tear her apart. She did not know what she was going to say. She did not know how she was going to say it. But she had to speak to him again. She had to let him know that she had not acted hastily or without thought. That her feelings for him were real and would not simply fade because he avoided her. She had to make himseethat he felt the same for her.
The fear came from the thought of what would happen if he denied her again. She wondered if that was why she had spent the week hiding and without action. At least that way, she had been able to tell herself there might be a chance at saving their relationship. But if she went to him and he turned her down...
No! Do not go down that path. Hudson loves you as you do him. You just need to make him realize that he does.
Once she was dressed, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was worn up in a bun, ringlets falling before her face.Dressed in yellow, as she so often was, the outfit was modest, but she knew Hudson preferred that. Her make-up was simple, letting her natural beauty shine through. This was the woman he had fallen in love with. It was the woman he was still in love with.
