“They make it with the brolka milk,” Vanda explained, “and add valikir gel and sometimes felkora egg yolk. It gets cooked in the big pots then cools in the trays. Mother can slice it up.” She gently touched the edges of the trays, looking for one that presumably wasn’t too hot to hold. Once she’d decided on one, she whisked it up into her arms, balancing it with practised ease. Wanda looked put out, so she instead got busy collecting what looked to be some dried, salted strips of meat and boiled felkora eggs into her arms. I was about to ask if she needed help whenone of the women stirring the pots behind us said, “Welcome back, Gahn!”
I froze, feeling hot, then cold, all over. Wanda and Vanda didn’t experience any of the hesitation I did. They both raised their tails then moved as fast as their full arms would let them to greet their Gahn. Slowly, I turned to face him. Gahn Thaleo had entered the hall alone. For once, his eyes weren’t on me, but rather resting with a patient, weighty sort of attention on the two small girls before him.
“We are fetching Zaria and our mother a meal! They are in the sewing cave with Tilly!” Vanda explained, raising the tray as if for his inspection.
“Very good,” Gahn Thaleo rumbled. “You’d better get to it, then.”
Clearly glowing with the judicious praise and attention their Gahn had just bestowed upon them, the two girls forgot all about me and went on their merry way.
Gahn Thaleo exchanged a few words with the women at the pots. Then, he approached me.
“I was supposed to help them!” I stammered, nearly nonsensically. I felt strangely cornered and frankly indignant about that fact. As if I had some right to ask,how dare you enter your own damn hall?
“They are competent cubs,” he replied.
I noticed that he didn’t say theyseemedcompetent. He said theyarecompetent. He knew them. Because he paid attention. To everyone and everything.
I wondered if any other Gahn would be able to comment upon the specific attributes of any of the children in his tribe.
“Well, even if they don’t drop a tray, I’d still better go back with them,” I said, stepping to the side so that I could go around him. “I’ll probably lose my way back if I don’t follow them.”
This wasn’t true. Now that I’d gone to and from that bright sewing cave, I knew I’d be able to find it again. But throwing that excuse out there seemed like the easiest way to disentangle myself from Gahn Thaleo.
“I will escort you.”
Well. Shit. That clearly hadn’t worked out how I’d planned. Now, if I told him I knew the way, I’d be outed as a liar. And wasn’t that one of the things I disliked most about Gahn Thaleo?
That he was a liar?
“Alright,” I said at length. Then, stiffly, I added, “Thank you. Very generous of you.”
I wondered if the entire trip back to the other cave would be silent as we began to walk side-by-side. But then, unexpectedly, Gahn Thaleo broke the silence.
“Is that what passes for generosity?” he asked. “Among the males of your world?”
“Pardon?” I said, startled by the question. For long seconds, I couldn’t make myself understand what he was asking.
“Escorting you back to the other cave,” he reminded me. “You said it was very generous.”
“Oh. Yes. I did.” I listened to our footsteps echo on the stone. Well, my footsteps, I supposed. His were eerily silent. “I just meant…Like I said last night. I know you’re the Gahn. And that you’re very busy.”
“I am,” he acknowledged. But, like usual with him, I couldn’t detect any boasting in the reply.
“So, like, you don’t have to take the time to do this kind of stuff. I know you don’t want to be my friend.”
Christ. Why had I bothered adding that last part? I sounded like a fucking child.
When I was finished internally berating myself, I became slowly aware of a shift in Gahn Thaleo at my side. But when Iglanced at him, he appeared as he always did. His shoulders set, his face a stern blank as I regarded his profile.
“And you know this, how?”
I stopped walking. He stopped at the exact same instant. Almost like he’d anticipated me. He’d done it too quickly for it to solely have been a reaction to me.
“Because…Because you don’t have friends! Because of what you said last night!” I burst out, confused by his reply. His sight stars gave me nothing to go on as he faced me. This section of hall wasn’t exposed to any sunlight, just the lanterns Gahn Thaleo had positioned throughout his mountain to help us see. Shadows hooded his eyes.
“I do not recall ever telling you,” he said, his voice like smoke, but somehow cold, not warm, “that I did not want such a thing.”
“Uh, alright,” I said, rattled. “You’re telling me that you do want to be my friend after all, then?”
