1
RIVVEN
“Say cheese!” cried Tasha, the human-Zabrian liaison, as she raised her data tab to take a picture.
She was no longer simply a human-Zabrian liaison, though. She was also Warden Tenn’s wife. I had been there for their wedding. We all had. It had taken place right here, on the property of my saloon. Her husband, Warden Tenn, stood just behind her now, his purple arms crossed over the clean fabric of his warden’s uniform. There was no doubt in my mind that if I did not comply with his tiny human wife’s command, then he would find a way to make me do it.
I had no real reason not to listen to her, even if I did not quite understand her motivations yet.
“Cheese,” I said, mystified.
“Oh. Shoot.” She lowered her data tab. “I didn’t account for the translation difference. That really didn’t pull your mouth into the shape I was hoping for.”
“What shape were you hoping for?”
Whatever she wanted, no matter how unnatural, I would find a way to do it. This project was an important one. Tasha was taking our pictures in order to share more about us withthe human population at large. Essentially, she was advertising our availability as worthwhile husbands. Our status as convicted murderers, exiled to this distant ranching outpost planet, was a heavy strike against us. Tasha hoped to help prospective human brides see past our status as criminals. She had told us several times that many human women would find us attractive enough to give us a chance at getting to know them.
I only hoped that she was right.
“I was just looking for a smile,” Tasha explained. “But don’t worry about it, Rivven. How about you just go about your normal routine? Pretend we aren’t here.”
Pretend they were not here? That would be difficult, considering the fact that the dining room of my saloon currently housed Warden Tenn and Tasha, as well as the men from my own province. Warden Hallum stood straight-spined behind a table where Dorn and Xennet were currently seated, awaiting their own photoshoots.
“My normal routine,” I echoed uncertainly. I did not see what would be so attractive about me polishing glasses or butchering bracku. But I also had to admit that Tasha would know much more about human women and their preferences than I would. I scooped an empty glass onto the blunt, scarred end of my right wrist. Then, I grasped a rag in my left – and only – hand, rubbing it over the glass.
I was aware of Tasha moving throughout the space with her data tab, presumably taking pictures with it as I stood somewhat awkwardly behind the counter.
“How about you come on out and do that here?” Tasha suggested, tapping a spot on the floor in front of her with her foot. “Then I’ll get your legs in the shot. The boots really do look great in the photos.”
“And do something interesting with your tail,” Warden Tenn piped up as I walked around the counter to the place Tasha hadindicated. “Human females appreciate the power of a prehensile tail.”
“Tenn!” Tasha gasped. She sounded offended, or maybe embarrassed. I did not know her well enough to tell.
“Do…Do they not appreciate a tail?” I asked.
Humans did not have tails. Maybe that meant I should merely keep mine hidden behind me for now, looped around its belt hook. Perhaps, once a human woman liked my photo enough to choose me, I could reveal that part of my anatomy to her.
“No! No, it’s not that!” Tasha said hurriedly. “Tenn was just making a very inappropriate comment.”
She narrowed her eyes at her husband while he smirked. If she had been Zabrian, I had no doubt her eyes would be glowing bright white with irritation at whatever transgression Warden Tenn seemed to be guilty of.
“I’m trying not to objectify them too much!” she added on a hiss aimed at her husband. What the blazes that meant was anyone’s guess.
It seemed I was not the only one in ignorance.
“What does that mean?” Dorn asked.
Tasha’s cheeks were very red now.
“I just mean…I don’t want to reduce you down to anything, er, degrading. I want to make sure to showcase you as people, not just parts!”
“Of course they are people,” Warden Tenn said in a brisk, matter-of-fact tone. “They are people with tails. And those tails can do some very beneficial things. Especially when slipped inside a-”
“Stop!” Tasha squawked. “Stop now!”
“I do not mind being an object if it gets me a wife,” Xennet said. He stood and stepped in front of the table, then bent his knees at right angles, squatting with his arms out. “Here.I present myself as a chair. Take a picture, Tasha! Show the human females I could be a chair for them.”
“Oh, Xennet,” she said. “That’s not-”
