“He likely will not leave that position until you do it,” Warden Hallum said.
With a resigned little sigh and a shake of her head, Tasha raised her data tab briefly, then lowered it again.
“Good,” Xennet said, finally straightening up. “Now, any human female can see that she will never lack a place to sit while I am around! A clear indication that I can provide her with any comfort, chair-like or otherwise!”
“Very helpful,” Tasha said in a strangled sort of tone. “Thank you Xennet.”
But apparently, he was not finished.
“What about this?” He extended his arms above his head, smacking the palms of his hands together until his entire body was stretched to a green-skinned, purple-haired point. “Now I am a knife!”
“I…I don’t know if that’s necessarily a selling point,” Tasha said doubtfully.
To which Xennet replied, “Nonsense! A knife is a very useful thing!” He lowered his hands, his eyes suddenly gone bright white. “Make sure that you include some of my many knives in my final picture! I would not wish my future wife to think I did not have one! Or several!”
“We’re trying to make them see how normal and non-violent you are,” Warden Hallum said, his tone like ice.
“You’re going to look insane,” Dorn added bluntly. “More insane than you already are. Actually, maybe Tasha should do it. Photograph you in front of your entire collection of blades. Might as well make sure the poor female who chooses you knows what she’s in for.”
“Have you got any knives on you now, Xennet?” I asked, eyeing a bulge in his right boot with sudden suspicion.
“No,” he said, even while he shifted that boot behind the leg of the table.
Frowning, I kept my glass where it was and used my tail to jab at one of the signs hanging behind the counter. “You know the rules.” I pointed again with my tail and noticed Tasha raise her data tab to take a picture.
Like usual, Xennet made a scoffing remark about how he could not read my signs. Of all of us, he had been convicted and pulled from his education at the youngest age.
“I know you’ve got them memorized,” I countered. I certainly reminded him of the rules often enough. Rules that also included things such asKeep your trouserson andNo pissing in the glasses.
“No, I don’t!” he replied. Then immediately added, “Besides, the sign says ‘no brandishing weapons inside,’ and I have brandished nothing. Nothing beyond my own body’s ability to take on the quality of any object a human female may require. Look, Tasha! Take a picture of this!” He flopped down onto the floorboards, lying flat on his back. “Now I am a bed!”
“A bed with a knife in it,” Dorn muttered.
“I think I’ll just focus on Rivven for now,” Tasha said kindly. She really did have astonishingly generous stores of patience in her, even for idiots like Xennet. Xennet, who’d shown up at her wedding with a fistful of wood lice ready to throw upon her head because he’d misunderstood the human wedding tradition involving something called “rice.”
The fact that I’d prepared a tray of ice to throw at her was not at all relevant.
Lice were obviously worse.
“Should I just keep doing this?” I asked, raising the glass I was polishing. I could not help but feel that I was somehowfailing already. But then again, was there really anything I could do to prove myself a worthy husband to a pretty human woman?
Tasha seemed to think so. Even though I was not entirely convinced.
“Here,” she said, coming over to stand beside me and holding her data tab in front of the both of us. “Want some inspiration? These are the pictures I’ve taken of the men in Warden Tenn’s province.
She slid the pad of her clawless finger along the screen, scrolling through images of men I’d never met. “There’s Silar, Fallon, Garrek, Oaken.” She rhymed off their names as she swiped. By this time, both Dorn and Xennet had crept over to examine the images as well.
“They all have very nice hair,” Dorn grumbled under his breath. He fingered the choppy ends of his own brownish-red strands with an air of self-conscious jealousy. Back in the summer, his hair had gotten caught upon a bracku’s antlers. In order to avoid getting gored, he’d hacked off his hair with a knife. The result was a very short, ugly style that, even after growing all this time, still barely reached past his shoulders.
Better his hair than his hand...
“Sure,” Tasha said in response. “But don’t worry, Dorn. Long hair isn’t a universally attractive thing for humans. Lots of humans have very short hair. Or no hair at all.”
“None at all?” Dorn asked, thunderstruck. I was hardly any less surprised. I looked at Dorn and Xennet and tried to picture them without any hair, their scalps smooth as eggs. I doubted even Xennet, who was undoubtedly an exceptionally good-looking male, could pull it off. But Tasha only nodded, her expression sincere.
“Yup, absolutely. Sometimes people shave it off. Or the hair thins out over time due to age or hormones or medication.” Shelifted and let her shoulders fall, a uniquely human gesture. “It’s really not a big deal at all.”
“Alright,” Dorn finally said. Though he still fiddled with the ends of his hair, as if not entirely reassured.
