But somehow, he didn’t look ready to marry me.
“Rivven?” My voice cracked.
His eyes were so, so white. But it wasn’t a happy white, or a lusting one. His face looked tired and drawn. But his jaw was set with determination.
“I spoke with Warden Tenn last night.”
My stomach flipped. “Is everything alright?” Someone must be hurt. I thought of Xennet and Dorn, of pregnant Darcy and baby Autumn. “What happened?”
His nostrils flared.
“I’ve frightened you. No, Shiloh. You need not worry. Everything is alright.”
So why the hell didn’t it feel alright?
“Um. OK. So…What did you guys talk about?”
“He told me about the other women who’d come here before you. The ones married to the other men. How, like you, they came here when they ran out of options. He talked about the sorts of changes of circumstance that might have allowed them to leave, if they had not chosen to stay.”
“Oh. That’s…That’s interesting.”
It was. Or it would have been. Any other morning than this one.
“And his words remained with me,” Rivven continued. “‘Changes in circumstances.’ ‘Options.’ They churned in my head nigh-on all the night. I did not sleep. And then, as I dressed for our wedding this morning, it hit me.”
Finally, he came to me. He took my hand in his.
“You never wanted to get married, Shiloh. You wanted the sort of life that would let you paint. A life you could control, and shape around your art.” His hand tensed around mine. But his white gaze was very steady. “I don’t have to be your husband, Shiloh. I could be your patron.”
“Wh…What?!”
“I admit, I don’t have all that many credits to my name,” he went on. “But I don’t spend many credits, either. Everything I need I either build or grow or make myself, and the things I can’t, I trade for or barter with the others. I have savings. It’s not some extraordinary amount. But it would be enough. Enough to get you set up somewhere with the supplies you would need.”
“I…I don’t understand…”
“You could start a new life somewhere. A life you’d have complete control over. You could paint all day and never have to answer to anyone.” His voice had gone gravelly. If he werehuman, I would have sworn that he was holding back tears. “You wouldn’t have to marry me, Shiloh. You wouldn’t have to marry any man you didn’t wish to. Not if I’m your patron.”
My eyes burned. My palms tingled with rapid sweat.
He wasn’t going to marry me?
Instead, he was going to give up the thing he’d wanted most – a bride – to give me the sort of life I’d always dreamed of?
The life Daddy had devoted himself to helping me achieve?
The life I’d thought was forever out of reach?
“But…But why! How could you…I couldn’t just take your money!” I spluttered.
It was absurd. Almost obscene. How generous his offer was. How terribly unfair.
“Why would I do this?” His lips tilted. The saddest smile I’d ever fucking seen. “Because all that’s mine has been yours from the moment you walked into my saloon and Tasha told me you needed a bed. You were covering your eyes, and you were hurting, and I knew instantly then what I still know now. That taking care of you is what I was destined to do. However I could do it. However I could get it. If that means supporting you from afar, then I’m going to blasted do it, Shiloh. Because if I thought for one moment…”
His voice broke then, and he hissed harshly between his teeth before he could continue.
“If I thought for one moment that I was the thing holding you back from something better…I wouldn’t be able to bear it.”
He wouldn’t be able to bear it. This man who had already born so much. Lost so much.
