This was the thing that would break him. Thinking that, in choosing him, I would somehow be unhappy.
I thought about his words. He’d obviously put great care into all of this, and I considered his offer. I closed my eyes and imagined what it would mean. I could go somewhere else.Maybe even participate in that art program on Elora Station. The one I’d wanted for so long. The one that I’d been so gutted to lose out on.
I would finally be free. Free like I’d always wanted.
And I would be alone.
“No.”
Rivven reared back slightly, like my reply had come at him with a fist.
“No?”
“No,” I repeated, louder this time. “No, Rivven. I thank you for your offer – seriously,sincerely. I appreciate it more than you could ever understand. But I…I’m going to have to decline.”
“But…Why? You said you needed a patron, and-”
“I needyou, Rivven!” It was a furious declaration. Almost a shout.
This wasn’t even a question of simple want anymore. It went so far beyond merelywantinghim. Because the thought of leaving him right now, leaving him for what had once been the life of my dreams, gave me the feeling of being trapped in a waking nightmare.
I imagined never seeing him again, and grief stabbed me so damn deep that I could barely breathe.
I adored this man. I was fucking smitten. There was no getting around it now.
“I need you,” I said again. I clutched at his hand, as if he might try to take it away from me now. “Because I love you, Rivven.”
I told him I’d be honest with him. This, I knew now, was my heart’s truth.
I loved him.
“You…Are you certain?”
“Oh, Rivven.Sweetheart.”
It hurt that someone could offer him love, and he had to make sure they meant it first. Like they might really have intended to give it to someone else instead of him. I kept holding his hand, and used my other to stroke the side of his face. The hollow of his cheek, the hard line of his jaw.
“I am sure,” I told him. “I’m absolutely certain, in fact. Before I met you, an offer like the one you just gave me would have been beyond anything I ever could have hoped for. It was all I’d wanted for so long. All I’d worked for. But now…That sort of life would just be empty. Because you wouldn’t be in it.”
He closed his eyes briefly as I caressed his face.
“Sometimes, when I don’t have any ideas for a painting, I end up finding inspiration in the most unlikely of places. Often, just when I’ve stop looking for it,” I told him softly. “And that’s kind of what happened with you, Rivven. I wasn’t looking for you. But my heart found you anyway.”
His breath punched out of him. His arms went around me so quickly that I was completely wrapped up in his embrace before I could blink. Even his tail was holding me. It looped itself around my ankle and stayed there.
“I just want you to be happy,” he said, quiet and scraping.
“Then marry me,” I said simply. “That’s what would make me happy, Rivven.”
And it was so fucking true. He had no idea how good the life he was offering up to me was. I got to have all the freedom to paint without ever having to worry about shoving my work through some kind of capitalist meat grinder. I’d never have to experience that feeling of rejection when no one wanted to buy from or support me. I wouldn’t have to try to make every painting The One. The one that would finally be big enough, important enough, to change my life.
I could spend the rest of my life creating whatever I wanted. I could paint nothing but that pond at different times of day, in different seasons, for the rest of my life if I wanted to.
I wouldn’t be the wealthy, famous artist Daddy had hoped I would be. But I would be so damn happy.
Because I would get Rivven, too.
“I want to marry you, Shiloh,” he said. “I want to marry you more than I’ve allowed myself to want anything in a long, long time.” He drew back slightly, gazing into my face. “You understand that I love you, don’t you?”
