“But we like to be together,” I said. “It helps us sleep.”
Rei pursed her lips. “I am aware that you like to be together. I don’t know where Merrow’s shadow ends and Amir’s begins.”
Amir and I both smiled at this image.
Rei’s expression softened. “But it’s time you had your own rooms. It will take some adjustment, but you’ll get used to it. In fact, I’m sure you’ll soon be very happy to have your own space. A little privacy is good for everyone.”
“But—” I began.
“Rei’s right,” Amir said. “Do you want to move into your dad’s room or should I?”
When Rei walked toward the kitchen table, leaving us to discuss it, Amir whispered, “It doesn’t matter what room we pretend to sleep in, does it?”
I nodded, but Rei glanced back at us as we whispered together, and the look on her face worried me.
AFEW DAYSafter that conversation with Rei, we were returning from a swim in the ocean when we noticed that the shed door was open. We had been careful to keep the door closed ever since the day that an opossum had found his way inside. Now, the sight of the open door sent a tremor of apprehension through me. We ran toward the shed but stopped short when Rei appeared in the door.
“Merrow! Amir!”
Her arms were crossed over her chest. We walked to her, our shoes scraping the dusty ground. She gestured at the blankets and pillows that were rolled into a pile in the middle of the shed. The nests of red birds spun in the sunlight that fell from the open door.
“What am I seeing?” she asked. “Because I feel as though I am seeing your bedroom.”
I looked down and kicked at the ground.
“We slept out here last night,” Amir said. “The house was too hot, so we thought we’d try the shed. It was my idea.”
Rei studied him. “Oh, Amir. Those big, soulful eyes. You are a quick thinker but a bad liar.” She put her hand under his chin and lifted his head so that he had to look at her. They were the same height, I realized. When had that happened?
“Why are you sleeping out here?”
Amir held Rei’s gaze, but I could see by the set of his jaw that he would not answer. When she looked at me, I pressed my lips together, imitating Amir.
“What will I do with you?” She shook her head. “It weighs on me, the two of you out here, so isolated. And now I find you are sleeping in the shed! You are children. Your father would be furious with Bear... and with me, for allowing this to happen right under my nose. No. No, I cannot allow it to continue.”
She turned and began to stride toward the cottage. “Bear!” she called. “Bear, where are you?”
Rei was angrier than I’d ever seen her—angrier even than she’d been the day months earlier when Bear had threatened to send Amir away. When I looked at Amir, I was startled to see how pale he’d become. He was frightened. He looked more scared of what Rei was about to do than he had ever been of Bear. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it and he gave me a grateful, sad look. He did not have to tell me what he was thinking; I could read it on his face. He thought he would be forced to leave Horseshoe Cliff, the home he loved. He thought we were about to be separated. I dropped his hand and ran after Rei.
“Please don’t talk to Bear,” I cried, throwing my arms around her. I buried my face in her neck. “Please! We’ll sleep in the cottage from now on. We’ll sleep in separate rooms. We’ll be good.”
At this, Rei laughed. “Don’t you start lying to me, too,” she said. I breathed out, relieved. I could see in Rei’s eyes that my plea was working. She stroked my hair, her fingers sticking in its many knots. Her expression turned serious again.
“I need to know the truth, Merrow. Has Bear hurt you?”
“No,” I answered quickly. “He ignores us.” It was half true,at least. Bear ignored us right up until the moment that he hurt us. But he was drunk most of the time, and this made him slow. Of course, the drinking also stoked his rage, and one time he’d shoved Amir so hard that Amir’s back ended up covered with bruises that looked like gathering storm clouds.You’re nothing,he’d said to Amir that night.You’re nobody.
“Ignores you,” Rei echoed, doubtful. “And you’re getting enough to eat? You don’t look like it.” She looked over at Amir. “Neither of you do.”
I hesitated. We had not seen an increase in food after Bear sold our horses, but Bear did now have a television on his nightstand. He watched it for hours each day. On the rare occasion that Bear worked in the orchard, we snuck into his room and turned it on. I had never watched television before.Days of Our Livesmesmerized me. All of those beautiful, devious women with their shiny hair and sharp tongues; the men with smooth faces and bright white shirts. Once, President Clinton was on the television, looking right at me as he spoke. And the commercials! I’d never known there was so much to buy.
Amir was less impressed by the TV. Or maybe he just didn’t like being in Bear’s room, which smelled of sweaty sheets and beer and stagnant air.Turn it off,he would say.Let’s go for a swim.I imagined that he’d seen enough of the world—India, New York—that the stories the television offered did not impress him. Unlike Amir, I was terribly excited by the glimpses into other lives that television offered. President Clinton and the women ofDays of Our Livesbegan to appear in my dreams nearly as often as my father and mother did.
“Well,” I told Rei after some thought, “we’re still grieving Dad, you know. That sort of sadness doesn’t leave much room for an appetite.”
“You seem to feel just fine when you’re gobbling up the meals I bring on school days.”
“But that’s because you’re such a good cook, Rei! I could have a horrible stomach bug and be throwing up and shitting at the same time and I’d still want to eat whatever you brought!”
