Chapter Twenty-One
It was nearly midnight by the time we returned to the city. Amir and I sat for a few minutes in the cab of his truck.
“You’ll call me tomorrow?” he asked.
“Yes.” I leaned over to kiss his cheek, and when I did, he wrapped his arm around my waist and held me there with my cheek against his. It felt so right to be in his arms that it was nearly impossible to pull away. “I have to talk to Will,” I said softly.
Amir nodded, but I could see that he was unhappy. I ran my finger over his cheek and he gave me a sad smile.
When I stepped inside, the house was so still and quiet that I wondered if Will was even there. I walked up the stairs and opened our bedroom door. The room was awash with moonlight. Will was in bed. The covers rose and fell with his silent breaths. I whispered his name, but he did not stir.
In the bathroom, I washed my face and changed into my pajamas. I lay down beside Will on the bed, above the covers. I blinked up at the ceiling. I rolled onto my side and tried to sleep,but sleep would not come. I watched Will. My lovely Will, who was so generous with his love. My chest ached at the sight of him, vulnerable in sleep, the sweep of his blond hair against his forehead. I ran the events of the last few days over and over again in my mind. On another night, I might have pressed my head against Will’s chest and let the beat of his heart, the steady catch and release of his breath, calm me. But I could not do that now. Eventually, I rose from the bed. I scribbled a note on a slip of paper and left it on my pillow.
I’m home,it said.Can’t sleep.
Downstairs, I took a throw blanket from the den and walked out to the patio. The moon was so bright that the flagstones glowed beneath my bare feet. I curled onto a lounge chair and wrapped myself in the blanket. The sea was a vast mirror, the glinting shards of light an echo of the moon and stars. Far below the patio, the waves hit the shore with a gentle hush, and in the sound, I heard my mother murmur,It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.I had no memory of the sound of her voice, but I was sure it was her, that the ocean held her, was her, that I swam daily in her embrace, that she had never left me but had, in fact, been with me all along.
IAWOKE TOfind Will looking down at me with an amused expression.
“There you are,” he said. He sat at the end of the chair and pulled my feet onto his lap. The sky behind him was draped in pink gauze.
I straightened. “What time is it?”
“Almost seven. Were you out here all night? Weren’t you cold?”
I shook my head. “The strangest thing happened.” I told him how I had heard my mother’s voice in the sound of the waves against the shore. I waited for him to make a joke about my mystical powers.
Instead, after a beat, he asked what my mother said to me.
“She said, ‘It’s okay.’”
“‘It’s okay,’” he echoed. “What do you think she meant?”
I swallowed. “I think she was trying to comfort me.”
Will had been slowly rubbing my calves, but now he stopped. His hands became so still that I wondered if he was holding his breath. I wondered if he knew, if there was a part of him that had always known.
“Will.”
“What happened up there?” he asked quickly. “Did you see Bear?”
I nodded. “He’s not the same. I hardly recognized him. I told him he should stay at Horseshoe Cliff, that he could have my share of the land.”
Relief washed over Will’s face. He reached for my hand, and I felt the press of my engagement ring against my skin. “So Bear and Amir will own the land together.”
I looked down at our entwined fingers. When I spoke, my voice was strained with emotion. “No. It will still belong to all three of us.”
“I don’t understand.”
I forced myself to lift my chin and look at him. I saw aflicker of understanding and hurt in Will’s gaze before it hardened in anger.
“What happened up there, Merrow?” he asked again.
“I don’t know how to explain it,” I said. “Except to say that I... I realized that I need to be with Amir. Now that he’s back—”
Will yanked his hand from mine. “You need to be with Amir? The person who disappeared when you needed him most?”
“He thought I was leaving him. He heard me—”
