It’s unnerving that he’s met a version of myself I’m yetto become and has recollections of conversations I’m yet to experience. “When we met at Neurovida, did I ever mention any of this? You and Rose showing up and asking for my blood?”
We both ignore the chime of my phone.
“No. As far as I knew, we’d never met before your first day at Neurovida.”
I imagine meeting a younger version of Parker for the first time, and a smile plays on my lips. “What’s your last name?”
“It’s just Parker,” he says with a shrug.
“Parker who?”
He rubs the back of his neck. “When you get recruited, you pick a name, and mine’s Parker.”
My mouth drops open. “Parker isn’t your real name?”
“No,” he says, his gaze dipping to my hand fiddling with the charm on my necklace. A haze passes over his eyes, but he blinks and it’s gone.
“Well, what is it? Is it—Jimmy?”
A brief laugh escapes him. “No.Pleasenever call me that.”
“Then why does Rose call you Jimmy?” Does she know his real name, or does he keep secrets from her too?
Parker groans, tilting his head to the ceiling. “Because she’s a monster. Look, it’s a term of… endearment, for lack of a better word. It might not make sense now, but when you get recruited, you pick an alias, take the oath, and everything in your life before that moment becomes a secret.”
“Why?” I ask.
“To protect yourself. To guard your past. To—”
“Stop time travelers showing up and asking for your blood?” I joke, but Parker doesn’t smile.
“Yes! Neurovida erases all records of your former life.Birth certificates, school report cards, everything. Even your electronic footprint vanishes. We glimpse each other’s pasts during training, but eventually Neurovida teaches you to conceal every detail.”
What would it be like, getting to know someone with so many rules and stipulations? “If we couldn’t tell each other anything about ourselves, how did we get to know one another?”
Parker shrugs. “We told each other things, just nothing withidentifying details. No names, dates or places. It’s not as bad as it sounds. Besides, you aren’t completely dictated by your past, are you?”
“I don’t know,” I wonder aloud. “But if you don’t know about my past, maybe you don’t know me as well as you think.”
Parker cocks an eyebrow. “You’re quiet, but it’s not because you have nothing to say. You’re constantly mulling things over in your head, but you never have an ulterior motive. You’re forgiving and selfless and smart. You have a small, triangular birthmark on your left leg. When you’re determined to do something, you won’t let anyone get in your way, including me. Nothing gets you riled up like injustice, especially toward the people you care about. Your favorite book’sThe Night Circus, and you’d pick reading over TV any night of the week. You’re right, I don’t know everything about your past, but I know you… better than I know myself at times.”
I’m speechless. He isn’t bluffing. Does he know the intricacies of all the members of Alpha or am I the exception?
My cheeks flush. My birthmark is high on my inner thigh, only visible if I’m wearing just swimmers or underwear.My heart skips a beat.Has he seen me naked?I take a deep breath. “What are we to one another in the future?”
A stillness washes over him. “Next question.”
“That’s not fair.”
“It’s not, but I can tell you firsthand there’s no fun in living if you know how everything’s going to turn out. Knowing things you shouldn’t isn’t healthy.”
“But there’s so much power in having that kind of knowledge. Say the world was ending. I’d want to know so I could do things before it happened.”
An intrigued smile crosses Parker’s face. “Oh yeah? Like what?”
I laugh, and Parker’s gaze tracks my hand as it covers my mouth. “I don’t know.” I pause. “I think… maybe I’d live life a little more spontaneously? I’d go out more with Anna—and meet her friends.” A slow grin creeps across my face. “Start ticking off my bucket list. Buy a plane ticket last minute and live in another country. Travel the world. Throw caution to the wind and see where life takes me.”
Parker’s staring at me with wide eyes, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. “What?” I ask.
