Khrys slaps me then, a flat hand right across my shoulder. “You were going to leave us?”
I wince and eye her coffee, wishing she’d finish it and sober up. “As opposed to what?”
“We’re your crew!”
“On theMidas...” I say slowly, wondering if that might help the words get through her alcoholic haze.
“Not anymore,” Beau admits.
“He fired you?”
“Well, not us, because we don’t work for him,” Maximus chirps. I think he’s trying to lighten the mood, but it falls flat.
Dismay grips me. I look at them, expecting to see bitterness or something that might eviscerate me—as fragile as I feel right now—but I don’t find it.
“At least Mabel and Chen escaped the culling,” Khrys snorts.
The two remaining members of theMidascrew, likely thanking their stars for Dominik’s hubris. I shake my head. “Why don’t any of you look angry?”
Devyaan shrugs, his arms now hanging by his sides, palms open. “Should we want to work for a man who would resort to abduction?”
“Fine, but what are you all going to do now?” I ask, exasperated.
A silence falls over the galley. Dread simmers in my gut. The entire crew suddenly look very shifty. I shake my head. “No.”
Beau finally smiles, baring all those white teeth. “Hi, Cap.”
This forces me to my feet, overcome with a panic I’ve never felt in my life. “No. No. This is not a fully functioning ship. I don’t even know where anything is yet. Who’s going to pay you?” My voice climbs octaves. I turn to the Archival brothers. “And why are you here? You don’t know how to work on a ship. What am I supposed to do with you?”
It’s Devyaan who takes hold of me, hands on either side of my face, cool against my burning cheeks. He forces me to make eye contact and then smiles gently. “You’re the only one here who doesn’t have faith in you. We’re your crew. This is happening. And we have nothing to lose,kulâri. We can look for jobs whilstworking on theHomebound,and if it doesn’t drum up enough business in the meantime, no harm done.”
I stare into his warm eyes, absorbing his words, and manage a pathetic laugh. “You don’t even know what the job is.”
Beau kicks their feet up on the table, and Khrys knocks them right back off again. They pout at her, before hiking two thumbs up in my direction. “As long as it’s not human trafficking, who cares?”
I swear my vision goes black for a second. Beau didn’t know—couldn’thave known—how that comment would land, but it takes all the wind out of my sails. I drop onto a seat before I can fall, burying my head into my hands.Chei. I have to tell the crew. If they’re going to trust in me like this, I have to give them the full story first. The familiar throb of anxiety in my stomach reminds me of spilling my guts for Marlowe, of telling her my greatest shame and hoping she wouldn’t hate me for it. She listened, when I feared that no one would. I have been here before, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
Perhaps I should trust in community.
“What’s wrong?” Devyaan asks.
Before I cut myself open again, I force myself to glance at the brothers. Julian looks uncomfortable, but Maximus is waiting expectantly, his upbringing visible in every straight line of his posture.
“Are you both angling to be on the crew, too?”
Maximus shrugs his shoulders. “Perhaps not long term but seeing as we are all fleeing from powerful men, I think we’d do well to stick together. Don’t you?”
Julian scoffs. “You’re so full of shit.” But he’s smiling, his love for his brother clear to see. On his home planet, he’s visibly more relaxed.
“Okay.” I take a deep breath. “Before you all decide, there’s something you should know.”
Still, I hesitate. It feels easier to line up in my head. But it’s an acidic truth that gnaws at me, and I can’t keep waiting for the day when it no longer burns. It will always burn. But baring my soul to Marlowe was like seeing sunlight for the first time. She thought I was worth forgiveness. I have to believe that of myself.
As I tell the crew about my time on theRaat-Sarpa,all traces of amusement in the room withers. By the end of the story, I’ve dropped my gaze to my hands, folded on the table in front of me and clasped so hard the knuckles are white. They’re all I can bear to look at in the stifling silence of the galley. I can hear my heart pounding away, chipping at my ribcage like a pickaxe.
Then a hand tucks itself under my chin and forces me to lift my head, dragging me out of the pit I was slowly sinking into. Khrys hugs me, and it must be like hugging a statue because I’m frozen in place. It’s the only way I can keep my body from shattering into so many, pathetic pieces. Relief and stoicism are all that holds me together right now.
The crew aren’t disgusted, or disappointed, or even angry. Over the evening, none of their negative emotions—and there are many—are directed at me. They don’t hesitate to rip into my old crew. I’m bolstered by their comments, not flayed by them. A long discussion follows, and by the end of it, I feel boneless.
