But she’s also thoughtful and loyal. I don’t have the mental fortitude to ask her where the money for my expensive meds came from. What I do have is a bourgeoning kind of hope that scares me. I sag, releasing the rest of the tension in my body. It feels so good that I waver, my overtaxed muscles like wet clay.
Tanisira draws me in, and I go willingly, suddenly so very, very tired.
She exhales deeply, and it tickles my temple. “I haven’t had my head straight since the Bright Star. I can’t stop seeing that gun against your neck.”
I tense up again. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to talk about it. The feel of that metal, cold against my skin—
“I’m okay,” I say softly, even though I’m not sure I am. And then I press a kiss to her shoulder, warm and solid. I can feel rather than see that she changed clothes; the rough disguise replaced with the uniform I’ve come to know by touch alone.
She shudders.
I kiss her collarbone, the hollow of her neck, her cheek, her ear. I rise onto my tiptoes and kiss her temple, moving over to the other side and back down to her jaw. I pause, mouth ghosting along hers. My blood rushes through my body. My skin feels hot. I’m still exhausted, but now that my irrational fears are dispelled, the realisation that we could have died today is like a shot of caffeine. Several, in fact.
Tanisira’s breath washes over me, her body welcoming like a flame. I flutter against her, sliding my hands under her T-shirt and trying to meet those eyes in the dark. It’s always so much easier in the dark. Why can’t I spill myself in the light?
“Marlowe,” she whispers. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
My hands spasm against her back. “Please just kiss me.”
It’s slow and warm and everything I need from her right now. I don’t even know I’m crying until she wipes the tears away.
“Come on,” she says, gently pulling me along. “Let’s go to bed.”
I halt, jerking her to a stop too. When she turns back, I can finally see her face, and it’s almost sheepish. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. I’ll—”
I shake my head, intercepting her. That’s not why I stopped. “Why me?”
At first, she’s confused, then her eyes soften. “You mean over Samiran?”
I don’t trust my voice, so I just nod. I didn’t tell Tanisira that I don’t want to share her with anyone—and that’s on me—so she had every right to sleep with Samiran. It would have been easy. So really, why me?
“Let me show you,” Tanisira says. There’s smoke in her voice, heat in her eyes, and gentleness in her hands. I allow her to lead me to her cabin.
She undresses me with care. I close my eyes and relax into it; every item of clothing removed like a match against my skin anyway. Bared, I lie back on the bed and watch her disrobe. There’s no urgency—I need this: a slow molasses quality to every moment. My eyes feel heavy, but my pulse races. Lazily, I admire the sleek lines of her figure, the curves that feel so right in my hands, and the strength that she restrains.
At first, when she presses me into her body, I’m confused. Desire licks at my blood, but Tanisira curls up behind me instead of sliding over me, forming a cradle out of her embrace. The fingers of one hand draw a pattern along my shoulder, soft and fleeting, rhythmic. She doesn’t try to kiss me or touch me beyond that.
“What are you doing?” I ask. The words sound drowsier than I planned.
Having pushed my hair aside, she lets her mouth rasp along my ear. “This is why it’s you, Marlowe. Because I’ve never wanted to lie like this with anyone, skin to skin, feeling their heartbeat, appreciating howalivethey are in my arms. Feeling grateful that I get to taste them.”
I shiver, back arching against Tanisira.
“That’s...” I can’t even string words together.
“I’ve never been so scared to lose someone the way I was today. It’s terrifying how much I already care about you andVee, how much time I spend thinking about you. Even if docking at Red Horizon is the last time we see each other, there’s no turning back from this.”
A few sentences, and my body is hypersensitive, reacting to the slight chill in the air, the feel of her mouth scraping over my jaw, the idea that we both needed to hear the same thing tonight. I squirm against her, needing more than words now. My breathing has sped up, and the small pants are too loud in the otherwise low hum of the room.
She slides a hand down my torso, rolling my nipples and trailing her nails over my stomach, teasing me with pressure and pace but never letting me get to the point of no return. I moan, try to turn around, but she keeps my arms pinned with hers. There are no words; she just keeps touching me. All I can do is shift my hips, spread my legs to straddle her thigh and press myself against her. She hisses in pleasure.
“Marlowe, please.” She sounds stained. “There’s no hurry. It’s just us now. Let me do this for you. Let me touch you until you fall asleep, make you feel good until you can’t keep your eyes open anymore.”
How does she always know what I need? It intensifies the bliss that fizzles along my nerves. My toes actually curl when her fingers finally find me, wet and aching, and she dips into me. But I heard her right down to my core; she wants to take care of me, so I let her. I don’t even care about release, just so long as she keeps those hands on me. I need Tanisira to make me forget.
I relax against her, let her stroke me with talented fingers and bring me to a delicate, gentle orgasm. She gasps into my ear as I ride it out, moaning and twisting in her arms. I collapse, boneless, back into her arms and slip into a deep, deep slumber.
Tanisira is gone when I wake up, but I don’t mind. Back in my cabin, I spend a while in the shower deep conditioning, shaving and exfoliating; all with new toiletries I charged to Dominik on Novus. I use the shower gel I ‘borrowed’ from Tanisira’s bathroom and come out smelling like a Suryavan garden. My body aches from head to toe, but I feelgood, especially when I step into one of my new outfits—practical and comfortable, not to mention actually fits me. The new boots pinch a little, but they’ll be perfect once they’re worn in.
