‘I’ve been … actually, I’ve been doing okay recently. You?’
He shrugged and looked away. ‘Not great, to be honest.’
She wanted to weep for all the pain she’d caused him. ‘I’m so sorry, Noah. I know I pushed you away, but losing Flo was …’
For that, there were no words.
‘I freaked out,’ she admitted, her thumb working overtime as she pressed it into her opposite palm, trying to ground herself. ‘For years, it was always just me and Mum, and then I lost her. And as wonderful as it was letting you all into my life, I was terrified. Terrified of losing you. You gave me the strength to fight that fear, Noah. I started to imagine a life with you in it, and I wanted it so badly. But then … Flo was gone. And it was a very real reminder of how easily the people I love can be taken away from me. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, too.’
She watched him closely, studying his reaction and hoping he’d understand, but his stoic facade crumbled, his face contorting with anger and disappointment.
‘So you thought you’d just give me up instead?’
‘It was stupid, I know.’ Her own chin trembled. ‘But I’ve gained a lot of clarity in the last few days, and I’m ready to face my fears. Because I think love is worth the risk.’
That got his attention. He looked up at her, his expression hopeful yet hesitant. Obviously, he still harboured doubts.
Reaching into the back pocket of her jeans, she pulled out the only thing that might convince him and clutched it tightly.
‘Do you remember when we first met?’
‘In Elle’s kitchen? Of course.’ His gaze skimmed over her. ‘The moment is etched into my brain.’
Biting back a smile, she shook her head. ‘We met before that.’
‘No, we—’
‘We met as kids, Noah.’
Confused, he blinked. ‘What? When?’
‘Your parents told me that my dad brought me to Karlup for my grandmother’s funeral. And yesterday, when I was looking through Pru’s old photos, the ones you gave me, I found this.’ She handed him the picture, the original—she’d had a copy made for Ellie. ‘It was taken at the wake. That’s where we first met. You, me and Ellie.’
As Noah studied the photograph, his lips curved up and his smile grew bigger as he ran his thumb over their little faces.
‘I never told you,’ she continued, ‘that Flo gave me letters, written by my dad to Pru. Reading them I learned that Mum had trust issues. She hadn’t wanted to stay here in Karlup because she hadn’t trusted Dad’s family. There’s more to it than that, I think, but Dad loved her and never stopped trying to convince her to bring me back to Karlup and raise me here. He wanted to bring me home, Noah. For good.’ Her chin trembled as the first tear fell. ‘Thisis where I belong. Here, in this place, in this town, with you and Ellie by my side. Home has always been here, just waiting for me to come and discover it.’
He met her gaze head on. ‘You’re not going back to Townsville?’
‘No. Going back would mean choosing a life of loneliness, and I’m so tired of being lonely.’
Noah’s fingers twitched and he handed her back the photograph. ‘And what does that mean for us?’
There it was. The question she couldn’t answer.
‘Honestly, I don’t know, but Idoknow that I want to be with you. For as long as you’ll have me. You’re the one, the only one, who has ever made me feel safe and loved. But …’ Fear sparked in her belly. ‘But there’s something I need to tell you.’
Standing, she pocketed the photo and pulled out what she’d written last night. Through her friendship with Hana, she’d come to understand the value of putting her thoughts down on paper. She wanted to be completely honest and open andrealwith Noah, so after her visit with Ellie, she’d pulled out a pen and a wad of paper and had written until her hand cramped. And then she’d written some more.
Now, she fingered the folded sheets of paper, determined yet nervous. ‘There’s so much I want to tell you, Noah, but there’s so much to get right, and I don’t want to express it the wrong way or risk forgetting anything, either. So I wrote it all down, everything that’s happened, how I feel about it and what I want for the future … and I want you to read it.’ She offered him the pages, her heart racing as she relinquished her hold on them.
‘Just know,’ she added, ‘that once you do, you’ll know everything, and if you decide you don’t feel the same way or want something different, then that’s okay. I’ll understand, and I don’t want you to feel bad, okay?’
‘Beth, I—’
‘Noah, please.’ He wanted to argue; she could see it in his eyes. ‘Just read it, and then if you want to talk, come and find me.’
She turned and walked from him, back to her car, and drove home, her mind racing the whole way, her thoughts on Noah and the content of the pages she’d written. The words had poured from her, from a place inside her so deep and buried, she hadn’t even known it existed. But if she had to recite those words now, she could do it—they were imprinted on her very soul. She ran through them now in her head, imagining what Noah might be thinking as he read the words she’d left him with.
