“It has a heated pool out back,” he announced proudly. “Booyah!”
“Dumbass Kip’s forgetting the Battle for Containment. Our”—Lorraine hiccupped ear-splittingly—“honor as trolls compelled us to fight for the protection of innocents. That’s the main reason we went public when we did. But it probably would have happened sooner or later anyway because of the whole stupid-common-humans-and-diminishing-territory thing.”
Kip’s head lolled on his neck, and he smiled at the ceiling. “We fought for our own survival too, obvs. Those scary-ass zombies can’t reach our brains when we’re standing, but they can sure as hells force us down on the ground and kill usthere.”
“Yikes. I can’t even imagine how many trolls must have died in that battle.” Edie cringed. “I mean, given how…you know…physical things aren’t really your…”
Using gestures, she did her best to mime their disastrous lack of agility and grace. Her elbow whacked Max in the head, and he grunted but accepted her sincere apologies.
“Yeah. About that.” Lorraine clapped a hand over her mouth, chortling. “We’re not actually klutzes. All those people we kill through our”—she crooked the index and middle fingers of both hands—“clumsiness? Pretty much all of them are our—”
“Eeeeeen-e-miiiiies,” Kip sang out. “If we hurt you, it’s no accident. Generally. We all have our off moments, am I right?”
“Wait.” Max’s brow creased again. “Earlier. When you said hello and hit me so hard in the shoulder, did that mean you…”
Lorraine spread her hands and grinned at him. “Vamps, bro. You’re basically all dicks.”
“He’snota dick! Not really.” Edie’s brief spurt of outrage faded, and she began giggling. “But—oh my gods and goddesses, his actual dick isamazing. You would not even believe—” A thought occurred to her, and she gasped. “Hold on. All this time, you’ve beentrollingus?”
Trolls. Trolling. Like trolls would. Ha! So clever!
“It’s not exactly subtle. I mean, it’s in our actualname, right?” Lorraine’s eyes danced with mirth. “As a species, we’re kind of incredulous no one has caught on before now, Edie-my-love. Edes. Edes-a-lot. Beware the Edes of March!”
“Also, we know we come across a little dim at times, but…” Kip swayed forward and raised an authoritative finger. “That’s on purpose too. Do you know which Supernatural species has never been trapped in a fae bargain?Thisone, bitches! Woot-woot!”
When he and Lorraine leapt to their feet and chest-bumped each other, the chandelier swayed at the impact.
“So don’t worry about us, Sabby,” Lorraine told Sabrina, sitting back down. “We’ll kill those freaking zombies. Lots of them. Lots and lots and lots!”
Something about that punctured Edie’s happy bubble, and she found herself frowning.
Leaning to the side, she burrowed against Max. “I’ll kill as many as I can. Don’t get me wrong. But…am I the only one who doesn’t feel great about…like,luringthem to their deaths, when they aren’t actually trying to murder us first?”
“Oh, my softhearted Edie.” He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. “Yes, darling. You’re the only one. The rest of us want to kill those fuckers. Super dead.”
Lorraine patted her head fondly. “They’d slurp our brains, bro.”
“Everyone else’s brains too,” Sabrina pointed out. “Without hesitation or remorse.”
“I get that, but don’t you wonder about their…theirhumanity?” Before everyone opening their mouths could protest, Edie raised a hand. “I know they’re not human. Theyaresentient beings, though. Sentient and intelligent enough to…and maybe I’m hallucinating this part…speak a little bit of…French, possibly?”
“Huh.” Kip scratched his chin. “I thought I’d imagined that. Because it was beyond freaky to hear a zombie saybonjourwhen it spotted me.”
Starla spoke from the mattress Kip had carried downstairs and arranged on the living room floor. “I’ve wondered too, Edie. When the pack passed within sight of our house two days ago, Ieven tried to read their minds to gauge how sophisticated their thinking actually is.”
“Star. You didn’t tell me you did that.” Sabrina’s hands settled on her hips as she stared down at her wife. “No wonder you were so tired that day. You overexerted yourself, sweetheart.”
Fascinated, Edie leaned forward on the couch. “How much were you able to read, Starla?”
“Not a lot, frankly.” The telepath’s lips compressed. “Usually, with complete strangers located at that distance, I wouldn’t be able to get everything, but I would sense quite a bit. The thoughts at the forefront of their minds would be clear to me. With the zombies, though…”
All other conversations had ceased. Everyone was listening to the telepath now.
“I got next to nothing.” When she shook her head, Starla’s smooth scalp gleamed in the firelight. “Their minds aren’t…whole, Edie. It’s all hunger. Terrible, insatiable hunger. Except…”
“Except?” Max prompted.
“One of them had faint, staticky thoughts about…maps, I think? Maps and, um”—her brow crinkled—“mimes, oddly enough. And I caught a momentary flash of the interior of the compound. The creatures were all standing in front of a television, and a minder in a uniform turned it on for them before leaving.”
