Yes! Get it over with faster. “Sure.” Smile. Chuckle. Nothing uncomfortable happening here.
River pulled back the tissue to see a framed picture of Pat and her taking a selfie at a pub in Dublin. Oh my God. River quickly looked at Pat. He was holding a very similar picture in his hand.
Raven broke the silence. “Did you guys frame the same picture for each other? That is crazy, Riv. How cool.”
Forcing herself to respond, as Patrick was back to staring at the picture, she said, “How funny. We each took selfies with each other that night.” Well,” River began while standing, to begin picking Christmas paper off the floor and putting it in a trash sack, “thank you, everyone, for everything. It was an amazing Christmas.”
Rowan was already up gathering trash, too, as everyone said thank you again. Hugh said he’d brought the screens down around the patio and turned on the heaters earlier so they could enjoy the morning outdoors. They agreed it would be fun to chill with Bloody Marys— nonalcoholic for Rave— and cards.
“Hey, Rave, I’m going to run upstairs and grab a sweater. Our yoga pants will be warm enough with the heaters. Do you want me to run to your room and get you a sweater?”
“Would you? Thanks. I’ll help Bran make the drinks— that I can’t have,” she laughed.
“Put a ton of olives, celery, and pickles in some tomato juice,” River suggested. “It’ll be almost the same,” she teased. As River started to run upstairs, Rowan yelled to get her a sweater too. “I’m on it.”
Rowan and River were in one room, so she grabbed a soft navy cashmere sweater for herself, planning on trying on her new necklace and a lovely cream cable knit sweater for Rowan. Running across the hall to Bran and Raven’s room, she found her sister a lovely green cardigan, easy to wrap around her growing belly.
Excited for the day, River hustled through the bedroom door and smacked straight into Patrick’s body. If he hadn’t caught her arms, currently full of sweaters, she would have fallen on her ass.
“Oomph,” Patrick grunted.
“Jesus, Pat. Sorry about that.” Smiling, she started to move around him. He stepped in her path.
“Can we talk?”
River wanted to reply with ‘not a snowball’s chance in hell,’ but opted for, “Sure, I’ll see you on the patio.” Smile. Flee. Again.
“No, River. I mean, can I talk to you alone.” He must have seen her flinch because he added, “Please. I want to explain.”
River didn’t want to have the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ talk. “Not necessary. I get it. We’re still friends. No worries.” As she started walking away, Patrick grabbed her free hand, gently pulling her back around to face him. Now, she was getting pissed. Did he really think she was so ignorant she didn’t understand a brush-off?
“Jesus, River. Please, just give me a minute.”
River almost relented. He looked distraught. Shedidbelieve he never meant to hurt her feelings. Shedidbelieve he valued their friendship. She knew he had to have issues from his mother hurting him as a child. Still, it didn’t give him a pass to play with her feelings. And that’s exactly what he’d been doing.
“How about I tell you what I already know so we can move on and never, ever address this again. You almost kissed me two months ago in Dublin. You asked me not to date anyone. The ‘else’ was assumed. Meaning, I assumed, incorrectly, that you wanted to date me. Then you ghosted me.
“The wedding was brilliant and fun, and we laughed like we used to. Then you ghosted me. The gala— Patrick, you don’t understand— that night, I had decided, for my own happiness, to move on from wanting you. Then you mic dropped your hard-on against my back.”
River had let the sweaters fall to the floor at this point and was glaring at him, arms crossed over her chest. Patrick tried to interrupt, but she wasn’t having it. “And before you think I still believe you were excited because it was me, I don’t. I get it. I’m a woman, and any will do.”
Patrick flinched.
“The service room... I’m no coward. I fully admit you never made me any promises. Hell, I was willing to let you fuck me against that door, and YOU HAVEN’T EVEN TAKEN ME ON A DATE!” she whisper-yelled, unwilling for the family to bear witness to... this.
“That’s on me too. What isn’t on me is after... that... moment, I thought you were as into me as I was to you. I tried to kiss you in the hall. You were mortified, looking around like someone might have seen you with me.” River took a deep breath, willing the tears threatening not to fall.
“And then you left. Then you ghosted me again.” Chuckling, River shook her head as she bent to pick the sweaters off the floor. “So, you can see, Pat, I don’t need anythingexplainedto me.”
River went to the stairs, stopping without turning around. She took several deep breaths. She hated what she’d just done. Hated that she and Patrick were in such a rotten place.
Still facing the stairs, River quietly, and much calmer, asked, “Pat?” She heard him move behind her. Not attempting to touch her, thank God.
“Yes?”
God, he sounded upset. That made two of them. “I’m sorry. I?—”
“God, River, don’t?—.”
