“Stop. Let me finish. I am sorry. I spoke to you as if we had something other than friendship. You did give me mixed signals, but we were never a thing. Not before, not now, not ever. I just want to be friends again. It can work if we both try, to like, you know, fake it until we make it. Not just for us, but for our families. For me, Pat, please, let’s enjoy today. Play games and laugh. Our grandmas are leaving in a couple days. We’ve New Year’s at Wolves, and then I go back to Dublin.”
“We. We go back to Dublin.”
“Yeah, that’s what I meant,” she sighed. Though, to be honest, she wished he wasn’t going back there. “Will you try to be friends like we used to be? I do miss that.” River held her breath. Patrick’s big body at her back cast shadows down the stairs in front of her.
“I can do that. I miss us too.”
River nodded. One step forward and Patrick’s hand landed on her shoulder, stopping her forward momentum. “Patrick,” River warned. It took a moment, but he finally released her. She continued down.
This time, Patrick let her go.
5
Days of apartment designing for the grandmas— until they’d left Oklahoma— friendly banter, game nights, music, dancing, baby names, and eating meals family style— all satisfactory. He and River had been practicing the ‘fake it until you make it’ mantra for days— all satisfactory too.
Except for every night and every minute. The need to grab River and hug her tight, kiss her, touch her, talk to her about anything and everything— not fake talking for the family— but really talking, was eating him alive. Moments where she told him her secrets, and he told her his.
Jesus, God, he was lost. He wanted her— but— forever? No. Maybe if they dated. Casually? No, River wasn’t casual. He knew that, which is why he’d tried to avoid... this. Fuck. Everyone decided to turn in early since tomorrow night was New Year’s Eve, and they were celebrating at Wolves, driving the fifty minutes back to Muskogee that night, then packing everything for the trip back to Ireland.
Patrick showered. Paced. Tried to jack off— to River’s image, of course— definitely didn’t quash his infatuation with the woman.
What to do?
What should he do?
What was he willing to do?
What would she let him do? Shit, not where his mind needed to be.
Dad asked him if he’d spoken to River. Patrick said they’d spoken. Technically true. She had, at any rate. Each and every word was carved into his skin. Excuses were no longer an option. He had hurt her. And, oh look, he was still contemplating seeking out her bedroom. When she’d let him have it outside Bran’s room on Christmas— there were no words to describe the agony. He’d been a breath away from begging her to be his in truth.
You never made me any promises... I was willing to let you fuck me against that door... you haven’t even taken me on a date... you were mortified to be seen with me... then you left... you ghosted me... I’m a woman, and any will do... we were never a thing— not before, not now, not ever...
He was done. No matter how hard it was to stay away, he would never willingly hurt River again, which meant sticking to the plan.Fake it until you make it.
Midnight. The kitchen, then. Maybe he could put together a casserole that could be put on early for brunch. Perfect.
Patrick made his way downstairs, not bothering to put anything on over his boxer briefs. It was him and the kitchen— and the kitchen didn’t care what he was wearing.
As Patrick neared the kitchen’s open sliding barn door, he heard voices.
River.
He should leave.
He wasn’t leaving.
“I hope I didn’t wake you. I just missed you and wanted to hear your voice.”
Patrick saw red. His body heated and expanded. River missing someone that wasn’t him. No. No way. Rage burned all rational thoughts. He stormed into the kitchen, seeing River’s small frame sitting on one of the center islands, an oversized t-shirt pulled over her bent knees, and a tiny arm wrapped around them. Her other hand held a phone to her ear.
Talking to someone she missed.
Pat stormed over, placing his body directly in front of her tiny feet. Body language allWhat the Fuck Do You Think You’re Doing?Completely unfair. He even added aHow Dare You?look. Faking it until they made had been a dumb idea anyway.
River startled. Of course, she was startled. Eyebrows raised, all WTF. Patrick raised his own brows back at her. River took the phone from her ear and pressed the speaker.
“Hey, Nan, Pat just walked into the kitchen, say hello.”
