I shake my head. “Not these guys. No encouragement required. I think they just like the chase.”
“Ah, but once they catch you, they’ll find out you’re a keeper.”
I burst out laughing. “These guys aren’t the kind to keep anyone. Not one of them has had a girlfriend.”
“You’ve never had a boyfriend,” Mom points out.
“Yes, but I don’t go out with boys and don’t have a boyfriend. They go out with girls. They just don’t ask them to be their girlfriend.”
“Are you interested in any of them? Seriously.” Mom sets her book down. “I mean, not that you couldn’t date multiple guys, but I would think that would get confusing and end with some hurt feelings. Is there one of them you like more than the others?”
Not that I have a choice to only like one of them, but Mom doesn’t know that. I try to think if there is anything I actually like about the guys besides the attraction between us.
Eli, who is legendary for being rough with girls, is delicate with me. The way Caden looked at me the first time I brought him a sandwich, like no one has cared for him before hit me right in my feels. Jack needs to make me happy and he’s always quick with a smile. Luke holding me through the night to help me feel safe.
I refocus on Mom. “I thought I might, but they have expectations that are way too high.”
“Maybe you already exceed all those expectations.” Mom blows out a breath. “Don’t sell yourself short, Harper. You’re a good package and if any of those guys don’t see that, they don’t deserve you.”
“Thanks, Mom. I’ve got a little more homework to do. Night.”
One of them would be easier to deal with than all of them. But that’s not an option, and I’m not sure I would want to have to pick only one of them. As embarrassing as it is, I like all their attention focused on me. I like that these four guys shared my first kiss.
“Night.” Mom waves me off and opens her book again.
I keep circling back to the thought of only one of the guys as I walk back to my room. Would it be any easier if I had to pick one of them to be my first? I mean, dick-wise, I’m pretty sure Jack would be the easiest to take, though he’s not all that much smaller than the others.
If the real question is all or none, would I be stupid to pick none?
Setting my bottle on my desk, I sit in my chair. When I glance at the screen, they’re all focused on homework or whatever they’re working on. I study them while they aren’t watching me.
They’re all assholes, but I’ve had my moments with all of them. Physically, I’m attracted to them, but they don’t really know me. Luke’s seen me afraid and a little desperate for someone to stay with me. When I told them about the prank, Caden was ready to sit outside all night to watch over me.
But overall, my moments with them have all been sexually driven.
Then again, what more do I want for my first time? Someone to love me? Do I need love to have sex? Apparently that answer is no.
I breathe out a sigh and work on finishing my homework. No one speaks as I finish up and get ready for bed. As I lift my laptop to bring it to the bed, the other webcams all shut off.
What? Oh, fuck.
My heart ratchets up a beat. I check my network connection but it’s still live. I guess they don’t want to keep them on tonight. My chest feels hollow as I set my laptop on my desk and leave it open, just in case it’s a trap to punish me more.
I’m just about asleep when a text comes in.
DEATH (Luke):
On your own tomorrow morning to get to school, we have a meeting early
Me:
*thumbs-up emoji*
I roll over and stare at the screen. Weird. Maybe they don’t want a submissive doll. Maybe my plan is working, or maybe they really have a meeting, but I’ll take the freedom. Even if the victory feels a little hollow.
Harper’s Phone
Me:
