I take a breath and head to statistics. The guys come in late and again say nothing to me. They talk a little to each other around me as if I’m not even there.
Jack even turns around to flirt with the girl sitting behind him.
I don’t know what to feel right now. My chest feels numb and empty, but there’s this anxious little pitter-patter still pacing away in there. I mean, this is what I wanted. Their focus off me.
As I walk into art, I feel weird, like I don’t exist. Like somehow I’ve become a ghost to the guys.
“You okay?” Tanner stops and takes my elbow.
I blink up at him. “Yeah, I’m good.”
“What did they do?” he asks. His lips press into a thin line.
I shake my head. “Nothing. They’ve done nothing.”
His brow furrows, but he releases my arm. “Do you need to talk?”
I force a smile to my lips and shake my head. “No, thanks.”
My feet carry me to my desk, and I sit down. I can feel an ache welling inside me that I don’t think I can contain. It feels stupid and big and weird.
“Ms. Sullivan?”
“Yes, Harper.”
I stand and go to her desk. “Can I have the pass? I need to use the restroom.”
“Are you feeling okay?” She eyes me with concern.
“Maybe.” I don’t know what’s happening. She hands me the pass and I rush to the bathroom. I sit in the stall and look at my phone. The last text I have from any of them was from last night about getting myself to school.
It worked. One fucking day. A warm tear hits the back of my hand. One fucking day and they decided I wasn’t worth the effort. Good thing I didn’t give them my virginity.
I swipe at the tears on my cheeks, feeling stupid for letting them fall.
Good. I was done playing their game anyway. Now I’m free to do whatever I want without having to worry about punishment. Which means I’m not stepping foot in that cafeteria today.
That makes me a little happy even if my heart feels heavy.
I wash up in the sink and reapply some makeup to cover the red splotches. A minute of crying was enough for what they wereto me. Just a passing fancy apparently. Fun while it lasted, but now I can move on with getting out of this town.
I return to art and sit next to Kenz. She squeezes my hand and gives me a smile, which I return. When lunch rolls around, I head to the tree on the side of the building. I could use a little sunshine and privacy.
I’ve just finished my sandwich when I notice Tanner approaching me.
“Hey, I see you’ve found my perfect spot,” Tanner says.
I glance around. It’s been a while since I sat here on the south lawn. Probably since the incident with Caden and Jack last year. “It’s always been one of my favorites.”
“Mind if I join you?” He gestures to the ground beside me.
“Go ahead.” I breathe in the fresh air and feel the shackles of the horsemen fall off me. This is nice. Not worrying about the cafeteria and everyone getting a show.
My phone dings and dread builds in my heart. Are they looking for me? But when I check my messages, it’s a picture from Penny. The guys have a few girls at their table for lunch.
Yup, that seems about right. I text her back a shrugging emoji and set my phone down. Back to normal behavior for the horsemen. Well, probably. I honestly don’t know what the cafeteria in high school was like until this year.
From here I can see the football field. That day was only last week. All their attention focused on giving me my first kiss. At least I have a good story to tell. I take a drink from my water bottle.
