“I’m going to give it fair consideration, if that’s what you’re worried about,” I assure him.
“In that case, can we kiss you goodnight?” asks Felix.
I should say no. I should tell them that until I decide, there will be none of that. I should swipe my key card and go inside and forget any of this ever happened.
“On the lips, if that would be okay,” says Elliot, jumping in before I can say anything.
“That would give you an idea of what you could expect,” agrees Felix.
“Don’t push her,” counters Lukas.
I’m probably going to regret this, and it certainly isn’t going to help me make an unbiased decision, but I find myself agreeing. All night, every brush of their hands or press of their legs against mine has made me buzz with desire, and at this point my body is begging for some sort of release. I’m not even aware I’m going to say yes until the words are already leaving my lips.
“Okay, but this is not a promise that I will say yes to the overall proposal.”
Sebastian immediately steps forward, lifts my chin with his knuckles, and kisses me, hard, full on the mouth. When he pulls back, my lips want to follow him but when I open my eyes, he’s grinning as if he knows he’s leaving me wanting more.
As Sebastian steps back, Lukas slides right into the place he vacated and sweetly tucks my hair behind my ear before leaning in to brush a soft kiss across my lips. It’s teasing in a completely different way from Sebastian’s kiss, and once again I can’t help but lean in, trying to chase Lukas’s lips as he too steps away.
I’m pretty sure they’re trying to show me what I could have, if only I agree to their terms. And, heaven help me, it’s working.
Felix steps forward, his hand sliding around the back of my neck to angle my face up to him as he pulls me in. I can tell he’sholding himself back as he presses his lips to mine, and I wonder what it would look like if he didn’t restrain himself. A thrill runs through me at the thought.
By the time Elliot has teased a kiss over my lips, I’m lightheaded. If I were a weaker woman, I’d fling myself right into their arms and declare their proposal accepted. But I’m still aware that we’re in public and another student could walk by again at any moment. And more importantly, I need to make my decision with a clear head.
“Good night,” I choke out, swiping my card through the reader and practically fleeing inside.
I race through the lounge, ignoring the girl who walked past us outside. Has she been sitting in here waiting for me? She is clearly trying to get my attention, but I pretend I don’t see or hear her. I recognize that it’s sweet that she wanted to make sure I’m safe, but I don’t know her, and I don’t want to be around anyone right now.
As soon as I reach my dorm room, I fling myself down on my bed and toe off my shoes, glad that Ronnie isn’t here. While I could easily ignore the stranger downstairs, Ronnie would make it her duty to force me to divulge exactly what just happened. Even if I’m not fully sure myself.
If I were the type of girl who dated, they would be the ideal guys. They’re ambitious, dedicated, goal-oriented. And they’re obviously smart since they’re all studying mathematics at freaking MIT.
But even if they are the perfect guys on paper, that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t distract me from my own goals, or end up hurting me in the long run. My dad didn’t always take advantage of my mom’s love for him. There used to be a give and take to their relationship. Now, however, her entire life revolves around him, and he barely gives her the time of day.
Something scratches against my leg, and I look down to see the list poking out of my purse. I pull it out and smooth it open, looking over the list of sexual activities freshman me wanted to have completed by graduation. Or at least, freshman me thought she was supposed to complete them. Even at the time, I didn’t really intend to actually do anything with the list. It’s not even an exciting list. It’s pretty basic, things that I’d assumed just about everyone will have done before they graduate college.
Things like giving and receiving oral sex, sixty-nining, vaginal sex, and maybe, if I’m brave enough, try out a toy or two. I couldn’t think of anything super kinky to add because my experience is so embarrassingly limited.
If the way they kissed me is any indication, I bet the speedcubers would have a few ideas of things I should experience.
There’s a sharp peal of laughter from down the hall, pulling my attention away from my handwritten list. Even though it’s late at night, other girls are up and having fun with friends, enjoying their college experience, and probably there are at least a handful of couples having sex in this building right now. And yet here I am alone in my dorm room, just me and my stupid list of stupid boring sex things I still haven’t tried despite being halfway through my sophomore year. I’m so far behind my peers on this, and I hate feeling like I’m behind the curve. I feel that way when I go to parties with Ronnie and don’t know how to just have fun like everyone else. I feel that way at work when Brad tells me to refill the coffee creamer instead of actually teaching me what I need to do to be a reporter. And now I’m feeling it when I think about all the sex everyone else is having without me.
Yet again, I’m being left behind. But at least this is something I have some control over.
Reaching for my phone, I open up the message I sent myself from Lukas’s phone earlier, still feeling the whispers of the guys’ kisses on my lips.
Okay,I text.I’ll do it. You all can help me check off items on my list.
Dots immediately appear, then disappear, then appear again. As I watch Lukas try to figure out how to respond, I feel confident in my decision. I’ll check off the items on my sad little list and go into life after college with at least some semblance of experience under my belt so that when I am ready for an actual relationship, I’ll have some idea what I’m doing. And maybe I can use this to my advantage even further, too.
Finally, a new group chat pops up with Lukas and three unfamiliar numbers.
You won’t regret this decision – Felix.
It’s cute that he signs the text so I know who it’s from, since they know I don’t have all their numbers saved.
Will you send us a photo too?You never did give us an answer about that, and fair is fair–Sebastian.
