“Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?” asks Elliot gently when I don’t move from the desk chair.
“Yes.” Now is the time. I can’t put it off any longer. I need to be an adult.
But I can’t make myself say the words.
Felix seems to sense my discomfort, and I’m surprised by how in tune with me he is when he says, “Is this about your list?”
“Yes,” I say, relieved to not have had to be the one to bring it up. I know I have to be able to talk about it with them if we’regoing to do it, but talking about it is easier when I’m not the one to bring it up.
“Do you want to stop going through it?” Lukas bites his lip as he waits for my response, and it seems that he’s really hoping I want to continue. I can’t imagine why, as it’s not like they’ve gotten anything out of the deal so far, but maybe they’re hoping I won’t bail before we get to the part that gets them off.
“No.” I’m not fully sure what I want from these guys—a thing I haven’t actually admitted to myself yet, because that would mean admitting that there’s a part of me that might not hate the idea of a relationship, and I am not going to even entertain that thought—but I’m certain I don’t want to stop going through my list.
They all visibly relax. I hadn’t even noticed that their shoulders had all tensed up around their ears. Maybe they don’t want to stop going through my list either.
This emboldens me. “Did you make a … schedule, or a timeline? For the completion of the list?”
I’m certain they have, since they’ve made schedules and planned out everything else in their lives down to the rotation of who gets to sit beside me in the car, but I’m curious what the timeline they have looks like.
Lukas nods. “Would you like to see it?” He grabs his phone off the nightstand. “We have it fairly optimized, but if there’s something you want changed, we can talk about it.”
The room had felt so small when we first came in, but it feels much larger now as I cross from the desk to the bed to accept Lukas’s phone. The anticipation of what I’ll see on the screen makes each step feel like it takes a year.
I can see the designated color for the sex list schedule—pink—spread over the calendar, but my focus is on this weekend. It’s a whole list, not just one or two things, and some of them weren’t on my list at all.
Cuddle sandwich. Public hand-holding. Chaste public kiss. Fingering. Eating Rebecca out. Blow job.
I’m surprised they’ve added so many new things to my list. We’ve already done two of them and just the memory has me blushing, but they were so fun I won’t say no to a repeat. As for a cuddle sandwich, I’ve got no idea what that is.
“We can’t do anything in public,” I say, handing back the phone. “I don’t want to give anyone the impression that we’re dating.”
Felix hesitates, but finally nods. “Okay,” he says, and Lukas deletes the kiss and hand-holding from the calendar.
I’m glad they didn’t put up a fight on that, and some of the tension falls from my shoulders. I appreciate that they’re being respectful. It makes me feel weirdly gooey inside, but maybe it’s just my excitement at knowing that they’re going to touch me again, and soon. And it sounds like this time, they’re going to teach me how to touch them too.
“I notice that one of these items has me doing things to you instead of the other way around,” I point out. I’m excited by the idea, and I thought my tone of voice conveyed that, but I guess it didn’t because they all look worried.
“We don’t want to rush you,” says Elliot.
“If you want to put that off, we’re happy to do that,” Lukas confirms.
“It’s just that you had sixty-nining on your list as well as giving a blow job, and we thought that the blow job was the logical first step of the two,” Elliot continues.
Sebastian, surprisingly, is the one to tell me he’d rather not scrap the weekend’s plan completely. “We would still like to touch you again though, if that’s all right with you.”
“Uh, yes, that’s … that’s fine, I’m good with that.” I’m not sure if these are the words that will trigger their ravishing me, or if we’re going to keep discussing the plan first.
“Good,” Elliot says, smiling. “We enjoy doing that a lot.”
I blush, and glance down at the list on their schedule again to hide it. There are initials next to a couple of the acts. Elliot’s initials are next to “Eat Rebecca out,” so I guess he’s scheduled to lick my pussy tonight, and Sebastian appears to be fingering me as well. The idea of being touched so intimately in front the other guys sends a flurry of excitement and nerves through my body, though it’s weird knowing that they’ve scheduled and assigned each thing. What if whoever it’s assigned to doesn’t feel like it that day, will they change the schedule or does he have to do it anyway?
“But we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Felix assures me as I stare at the phone in my hand. “If anything doesn’t feel right, or isn’t fun, or you just change your mind, just tell us and we’ll stop.”
I look up from the calendar at him, the glare from the TV reflecting in his glasses. “Thank you,” I tell him. “It’s good to know that, but I do want to do these things, with you.”
They all smile at that. “Good,” says Sebastian. “We want to do all of these things with you too.”
“And more,” says Elliot, his voice husky. I force myself not to look at his lap, where I suspect I’ll find a bulge under the blanket.
