AJC
Her free hand drifted to her omnipresent satchel containing her work, a lifetime’s worth of dreams and hopes, discoveries that would never see the light of day without Alex’s help. She could not simply put it away because she had crossed a line last night.
Fern froze in place and swallowed heavily at the sight of Alex. His hair stuck up in every direction, and she knew he had been raking his fingers through it all afternoon. His necktie was loose and the top button of his shirt undone, exposing the small triangle of skin at the top of his chest. When he saw her, he shot to his feet, his brilliant blue eyes gleaming and a nervous smile pulling at the side of his mouth. Even in the dim, dank basement, he stole her breath away. Steeling her spine, she continued forward, hoping to infuse herself with the confidence she lacked at the moment.
“I worried you wouldn’t come.” His words were breathy, and she realized he may be more anxious than she.
“I nearly didn’t.” She sat across from him, keeping her gaze lowered.
“Do you want to talk about—“
“No.“ Her exclamation reverberated in the empty stacks around them.
Alex pursed his lips and examined her for a long moment. “Fine.” Fern forced her attention to her notebook, but couldn’t help noticing his eyes darting to her, again and again.
Before long he threw down his pencil and stared at her. “We can’t pretend nothing happened.”
“Nothing. Happened,” Fern hissed with a glare.
“You can’t pretend—”
“I certainly can pretend!” She closed her eyes and forced her breath to calm before looking at him again. “There is too much at stake now,” she said, her voice even. “Alex, it was a momentary lapse of judgment, it—”
“Is that really all you felt?” His eyes bored into hers. She froze under his gaze, completely exposed. And for some unknown reason, it did not frighten her.
“Please forget about it,” she said, burying her head back in her papers.
Tension radiated from his stiff shoulders and clenched hands. He heaved a deep breath before picking up his pencil again.
She did the same but could not bring her pencil to move. His mere proximity summoned memories of his hands and soft lips on her body. Heat rushed through her and settled low in her belly, strong enough that she needed to squeeze her legs together and shift in her chair.
Alex’s eyes darted up. “Are you all right?”
She stiffened in her seat. “Yes, of course.” A pause. “No,” she spat out. “I’m terrified. My work, everything I have wanted, it all depends on a single opportunity to impress someone I have never met, and who will probably dismiss me outright because I am a woman, or young, or something else I cannot control.” Her brow creased as she searched his eyes for understanding. “And I may have ruined things with my closest ally.”
“You haven’t ruined things.” Alex reached for her hand on the table but she pulled it away. “I initiated the kiss, not you.”
Fern shook her head and sighed. “You’re right. We can’t forget that we…” She trailed off and waved her hand in front of her mouth, her cheeks heating. “And I enjoyed it, but—”
“You enjoyed it?”
Despite being a woman who was rarely short on things to say, particularly to Alex, words completely escaped her. She could not possibly capture the riotous emotions coursing through her when she looked at him and the pleasure she saw in his eyes, the aching desire to feel his touch and hear his voice, simply to be in his presence, to feel the warmth of his gaze. For the first time in her life, she had found someone who cared for her, just as she was. He was a rare gift, indeed.
But it was a gift belonging to someone else.
“You’re courting my sister, Alex.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. “I couldn’t possibly—”
“But what if I weren’t courting your sister?” Fern’s heart tumbled, threatening to burst from her chest. “If I ended things with Rose, so we could be—”
“You can’t,” Fern whispered, lacking conviction in her tone. “Everything we both worked for would fall apart. We would have to tell my father about working together. If he knew you were helping me you’d lose your recommendation, and Rose would never speak to me again.” An intense ache took hold in her chest, so fierce she struggled to breathe through it.
“Fern?” he asked, pulling her hands into his. “What do you want?”
She swallowed heavily, unable to verbalize her desire.I want you.
“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” she finally said. “I can’t hurt Rose.”
“But what if I don’t want to be with her anymore?” Fern pulled her hands back and stared at Alex aghast. He met her gaze and continued. “Things with Rose haven’t been right from the start. I don’t want to court her anymore.”
